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You Won't Believe What This Guy Has NEVER Done

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07:42   |   Apr 10, 2018

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You Won't Believe What This Guy Has NEVER Done
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Transcription

  • I have a question.
  • I've never asked this before, but does anyone
  • have change for a 20?
  • No, I'm kidding.
  • I'm kidding.
  • But that was so nice of you to offer, just in case.
  • What did you have it in fives?
  • Ones?
  • What did you have?
  • I have a ten, five ones, and one five.
  • And one five?
  • OK.
  • Just in case, later in the show, I want one.
  • I don't need it right now though.
  • Actually, this is the question I want to ask.
  • So I assume all of you have watched the program before.
  • You've all seen the show?
  • [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
  • I've never asked this before, but is there
  • anyone in the audience who has never seen an entire show?
  • Maybe you've seen-- that never has seen the entire show?
  • Wow.
  • There are a lot of people in the audience that
  • have never seen an entire show.
  • You've never seen the whole show.
  • And you-- you're so embarrassed, sir.
  • You're-- everyone else was very proud to say they have not
  • watched the show.
  • And yet, you're-- and I appreciate that about you,
  • that you didn't want to raise your hand and say that.
  • I have questions for all of you that have never
  • seen an entire show--
  • that you're so busy, that you can't watch an entire show.
  • What is your name?
  • Michael.
  • Hey, Michael.
  • How are you?
  • I'm doing well, how are you?
  • Good.
  • OK.
  • I'm good, thank you for asking.
  • So you've never seen-- you've seen the show, but not
  • the entire show?
  • Not in its entirety, no.
  • What have you-- you've seen it on the internet or something?
  • Just clips?
  • Yeah.
  • But not enough that makes you want to see-- you've seen it,
  • and you're like, yeah, I see it.
  • You've just seen clips of it, and didn't have any interest
  • in the entire show.
  • That's-- you're speak--
  • I don't know about that.
  • But I have had interest in seeing the entire show.
  • Yes.
  • And here you are.
  • Yeah.
  • And who are you with?
  • My brother.
  • This is my brother, Russ.
  • Hi, how are you?
  • Hi.
  • Have you seen an entire show?
  • No.
  • Neither of you.
  • Wonderful.
  • Well that's all right.
  • You know, I mean it's a big world,
  • and I haven't reached everyone yet.
  • And maybe by the time I die, you've all seen me.
  • And where do you all live?
  • We're from Texas.
  • From Texas, OK.
  • Do you live in Texas now, sir?
  • No, not right now.
  • I live in Eureka.
  • Eureka.
  • Eureka!
  • And you live also in Eureka?
  • I live in Burbank.
  • In Burbank.
  • He's visiting me for the weekend.
  • I see.
  • So you live right down the street.
  • What do you do for a living?
  • Well, I work in the film industry.
  • Where?
  • In the Burbank area.
  • Do you work on the Warner Brothers lot?
  • Yes, I do.
  • What?
  • Wow.
  • Should I apologize?
  • I'll apologize.
  • That should be mandatory for people who work here,
  • that they watch my show.
  • Wow.
  • Well-- so you've never seen an entire show.
  • What happens is I talk to the audience.
  • Usually it doesn't go this in-depth.
  • But I usually bring somebody down to join me sometimes.
  • So today, Michael, it's you.
  • Come on down.
  • [MUSIC PLAYING]
  • Hi, Michael.
  • It's so good to meet you.
  • Nice to meet you too.
  • OK, so-- and you're tall.
  • How tall are you?
  • I am.
  • I'm 6' 5".
  • 6' 5".
  • Me-- I'm not.
  • And what's your brother's name?
  • Russell.
  • Hi, Russell.
  • Hi.
  • So Michael's down here.
  • I could have chosen you, but I chose Michael.
  • Here, you stand on that red mark.
  • This is-- in the biz, we call this the monologue mark.
  • And there's a different picture of me every day
  • they do, just to kind of make me smile.
  • And that's me with Dolly Parton.
  • Dolly Parton has been on the show before.
  • What parts of the show have you seen?
  • What have you seen me do?
  • I've seen you scare a lot of people.
  • Yeah, I scare people.
  • I've seen you have on some celebrities and stuff.
  • Play some games.
  • Right.
  • That's what we do.
  • Yeah.
  • Tell jokes.
  • Yeah, so you got the hang of it.
  • That's what it is.
  • Yeah.
  • No need to watch another one.
  • So I--
  • [CHIME RINGING]
  • Oh.
  • You know what that--
  • I mean, the audience does.
  • You don't know what that is.
  • That is time for a shot of the day.
  • [MUSIC PLAYING]
  • Shot of the day!
  • All right.
  • What is this?
  • Shot of the day.
  • Oh.
  • Yes.
  • Shot of the day.
  • Yeah.
  • That's what we do.
  • Isn't that fun?
  • Yeah.
  • We have a whole lot of fun around here.
  • [HORN BLARES]
  • Oh no.
  • You know what time that is.
  • He doesn't know, because he's never seen the show.
  • But it's time for joke of the day.
  • Bring me my joke, please.
  • But today, I'm not going to do the joke.
  • You're going to do it, Michael.
  • Oh jeez.
  • Go on.
  • Hold that microphone.
  • You're in the film industry, you know how it works.
  • What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster
  • with breast implants?
  • No-- go?
  • One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a crusty--
  • crust-- crust-- sorry.
  • Are you drunk?
  • Crustation.
  • Good delivery.
  • That's wonderful.
  • That's uh--
  • [MUSIC PLAYING]
  • You know what time that is, everybody.
  • He doesn't, because he's never seen the show.
  • Bring Michael the Elsa wig.
  • We always celebrate--
  • Oh, yes.
  • Yes, that's the Elsa wig.
  • Do you know the movie Frozen?
  • Have you seen it?
  • I have seen Frozen.
  • OK, you've seen-- so you have time for an entire movie aimed
  • at children, but you don't have time
  • for the adult daytime show, Ellen.
  • Anyway, all right.
  • I did apologize.
  • No, no, no.
  • I'm just giving you a hard time.
  • Because--
  • [MUSIC PLAYING]
  • You know what time that is.
  • The audience does.
  • You don't though.
  • Whoever's down here with me takes their shirt off.
  • [CHEERING]
  • I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
  • No.
  • No.
  • The lawyers asked us to stop doing that.
  • So we can't do that anymore.
  • But all right, so anyway, that's sort of what we do.
  • And then you know it's a Tuesday today, right?
  • So Tuesday is pony day.
  • There's a lot of dancing that goes on.
  • And you've seen the dancing that happens, right?
  • I have.
  • All right, so what happens is whoever
  • is down here talking to me dances back to their seat.
  • And since it's Tuesday, it's pony day.
  • And it's usually-- and I'm not going
  • to say everybody dances sexy, but most people do.
  • So you'll dance sexily back to your seat to the pony song,
  • because it's Tuesday.
  • All right?
  • [MUSIC PLAYING]
  • All right, Michael.
  • Thank you so much.
  • Enjoy the show, Michael.
  • I'm really surprised at how many people are here who have never
  • seen an entire episode.
  • So you've seen clips of it, and then you decide, hmm,
  • but I'll go see a whole taping.
  • That's what I'll do.

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Description

Be careful what you admit to when Ellen asks!