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Why Did You Think This Would Work?

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15:52   |   Dec 21, 2017

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Why Did You Think This Would Work?
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  • Hello everybody and welcome back to youtube.com
  • I am your host Drew Gooden and I want to start off with a very exciting announcement..
  • It's official now.
  • I'm officially the first and only youtuber...
  • So that's really cool, but also like could someone else upload something?
  • Anything. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm happy and honored to be the only Youtuber,
  • But come on! Anybody can upload on this website.
  • I don't know why no one does. It's a lot of pressure.
  • Today's video is called
  • "Why did you think you could do this?"
  • Now, I got the idea for this video a few days ago when I was scrolling through Instagram
  • There's obviously a lot of ads on Instagram
  • The most common ads I seem to get on Instagram are for iPhone games.
  • Just like the stupidest looking games, and they always say things like
  • "Oh don't even think about downloading this game!
  • "You'll be so addicted, you won't be able to sleep or get any work done!"
  • And it's like this weird reverse psychology thing they're using
  • That I guess they're expecting people to see that and be like
  • "Oh! I don't like to get work done or sleep
  • "They think that I shouldn't download this game, but now I'm intrigued and I will download this game."
  • But anyway I saw one of these ads a few days ago
  • And it was for a game called Scale which I didn't click on at the time
  • But I remember thinking that game looks exactly like Jezz Ball
  • I don't know if you guys are familiar with the game called JezzBall
  • I'm actually not even sure if it really existed
  • It's just one of those weird memories I have from childhood that if you told me
  • "That never happened" I'd just be like
  • "Okay, I guess I dreamt it one day!"
  • But anyway back when I was like eight and the only thing you could do on computers was play solitaire
  • Or Pinball or like.. [ laughs ]
  • Do math on the calculator
  • Because back then when you had nothing else to do
  • Y'know maybe just type in some numbers!
  • See what -- see what numbers you can come up with!
  • There was not a lot to do in computers back then
  • And I remember this game we had called Jezz ball and the idea of the game was
  • You had these balls bouncing around a square
  • And you had to try to like cut off part of the square that it was bouncing in
  • And it was a lot of fun for some reason..
  • But I saw this game scale and I was like oh that reminds me of Jezz ball.
  • I'm not gonna download it because that's a ripoff
  • I'm not gonna support that
  • But then like a day went by and I was like you know what I think I kind of want to download that game.
  • So I searched "scale" on the App Store
  • And I realized there were all these like digital scale apps that you could download and they all had like
  • One or two stars because obviously the iPhone isn't designed to tell you how much something weighs
  • And you can't just download an app
  • That's going to change the hardware within the phone.
  • Like if the iPhone had the ability to weigh things
  • You'd think they would like advertise that there would be a built-in scale app.
  • It wouldn't be something that they're just like
  • "Oh yeah, if you just download some third-party app then you can weigh things!"
  • Like no sh*t, it's not gonna work.
  • The funniest thing about this to me is the reviews-- is the people who are just so angry..
  • And it's the kind of thing that you see and it makes you ask a question..
  • But not just any question.. specifically the question..
  • Why did you think this would work?
  • What is the title of this video? I keep forgetting.. I keep changing the question.
  • Basically I went through the app store
  • And I found all of the apps like this that I could find
  • And I wanted to share with you guys some of my favorite reviews
  • And some of my favorite apps cuz I tried to use a couple of them.
  • Now, because contrary to the number of subscribers I have,
  • I'm not actually a good Youtuber, and I use my cell phone to record these
  • I can't record myself and use it at the same time, so I screen recorded all of this earlier on my phone
  • And now I'm gonna be showing you some of the highlights
  • So in case you're wondering why I'm looking at my computer to see what's on my phone.
  • It's just a video. I've already seen all these things.
  • Just full disclosure there before you're like
  • "How's he seeing his phone on the computer?"
  • So as you can see first result is the game scale
  • But then you've got all these actual weight scales.
  • You've got DBP weight scale, drop scale, happy scale, kitchen scale..
  • Kitchen scale intrigues me because it's $0.99
  • But I don't think this one is actually claiming to be a working scale..?
  • It's obviously got a misleading title but all it is is like a conversion app
  • So, as expected, a lot of the reviews are like:
  • "This doesn't work!"
  • Alright, not hiding anything over here , J lovee.
  • This one's ratings are even worse: 1.7.
  • Now something you'll notice about all of these apps is the first review is usually just.. positive.
  • "Worked perfectly..
  • "I don't see why these other people are having so much with this app it always works in a pinch
  • "And I even took an actual kg weight to see how accurate was down to the .1 great app thanks"
  • I think the way to tell when a review is done by like the creator of the app
  • is when their reviewer name is just like a..
  • A basic name like Joe and then a bunch of numbers
  • That's also like the only positive review
  • "Stuped!"
  • Yeah, this guy got stuped.
  • Obviously, the scale app doesn't work
  • Despite the fact that like dozens of people thought it would..?
  • But it doesn't stop at scales I tried to think what else might people think that an app could do
  • And this one is even better to me: the idea that an iPhone app can tell your body temperature.
  • Now, these ones at least the ones I found aren't claiming to be real
  • They actually say in the title that they're a prank
  • And there's quite a few of those, specifically this one I want to talk about:
  • "FingerPrint Body Temperature Scanner."
  • This one has a solid 1.6 rating.
  • "Doesn't even work when I put my finger on the scanner every time
  • "It's picks a random temperature and one time it's at 133 degrees!
  • "and that means I would probably be in the hospital"
  • I think you can get rid of the probably in that sentence.
  • "A piece of crap go to the dollar and buy a thermometer"
  • Okay, I'll try that..
  • [ Funky music ]
  • Hello
  • Hi, I would just like one thermometer, plea--
  • Dollar bill: Could you please shut the fuck up?
  • Oh yeah, this is where I was scrolling through and I got distracted by..
  • Thermal vision camera..?
  • Which also..
  • Obviously does not work?
  • "Tarible. Never buy this not a really thermal camera go buy a real one at duck sporting goods"
  • There's no ads for that and it's a hundred percent real
  • Yeah, I'd be pretty pissed if I bought a thermal vision camera from duck sporting goods,
  • and it had ads built into it..
  • What a weird thing for a product to have.
  • Bless this person for being so self-aware:
  • Props to you "Me2much".
  • "Stupidity at it's height! Why even people think about making such useless apps?"
  • "Informative entertaining and motivational?"
  • What does this motivate you to do? Go to the doctor?
  • "TERRIBLE. This app gave me a 108 tempurature
  • "So I got my real thermometer and it gave me a 95.5. That's not even close."
  • Wait, you had a real thermometer? Then why did you download this app?
  • This review is so dumb, I feel like it's a parody.
  • "This app is a lie! It told me I have a hundred and twenty-six degree fever, and then I checked a regular thermometer.."
  • Who are these people that they're just like on there phone-- like they're on the App Store?
  • Searching for a thermometer.. when they have one in the other room? Why?
  • [Bit] "This fake thermometer doesn't work! Let me pull out my real thermometer."
  • Now, I'm not saying this app is funny. I'm not trying to defend what is obviously very stupid app.
  • But it's like the one guy said : "I don't know what's stupider this app or me for buying it."
  • Now, I was pretty intrigued by the developers of this app. Apparently, they've got a lot of other apps.
  • You got "FingerPrint HeartBeat Prank"
  • But what really stuck out to me was "Pregnancy Test Machine Prank"
  • It looks like they kind of just like copied and pasted the interface from the other app
  • and then changed the background color.
  • I love that the app gets that specific. It's not just:
  • "Yes, you are pregnant" or "No you're not"
  • It can also tell the quantity of babies that are inside you and their gender
  • Which is something that you can't even do with with a real pregnancy test.
  • The only way this would be funnier
  • Which I guess it's really not that funny, but I'm a little disappointed that the app does the finger scan
  • And it doesn't try to get people to pee on it
  • Because that--now that's a prank.
  • Now from here, Apple decided that I may also like the "LoveCalc," the free love calculator.
  • Which is perfect because this also fits the theme of the video.
  • This app claims that if you put in two names--all they need to know is the names--
  • Two people's names not even the last name just first names.
  • In this example you have Tim and Jane
  • And then it uses all of the information you've given it, which is nothing,
  • And then it calculates how compatible you guys are
  • and there are real people who exist who walk around the earth among us
  • Living lives just as we do
  • Who downloaded this thinking that it would really tell them how compatible they are with someone.
  • Now, this one is just a disaster of a review by someone named "Lizzie 101_"
  • It's a very long sentence, absolutely no punctuation..
  • "I put my name and someone else's and then change the name to other names and then lastly
  • Changed it back to my name and the other and the percentage I got first changed the second time
  • I put my name and the other same name and don't believe this and mostly all this calculators are a lie
  • And this is one of them. That's why I give this a 1-star"
  • Props to you detective, Lizzie! I think you got to the bottom of this one.
  • Aww, this one's kind of sad:
  • "It's fun and all but I put in my parents and it said only 28%"
  • This poor kid thinks his parents aren't very compatible.
  • I hope he doesn't bring it up to them and just suppresses that forever,
  • And then eventually his parents will get divorced it'll be like
  • "Ah, I should have told them!"
  • This is gonna this app is gonna change his entire life.. it's kind of funny though.
  • Little worried about this reviewer. They said: "Nice cheese Go Moo
  • "A pig named Leonard love moo moo cheese and eat me and everyone love Oni"
  • God, people's standards are low for everything.
  • This person says: "I've got to admit this app is pretty great, and I love how detailed the percentages are like you'll get
  • 62% instead of just 60%"
  • Wow, there's so much detail in this app
  • I can't tell if this one's a joke or not. I hope it is because it's kind of sad.
  • [ Sad piano music ]
  • [Laughs] Wait, side note. "I could be famous one day for my knowledge!
  • "Long story. I don't have time to get into that.
  • And now I am a kid depressed bullied and heartbroken
  • I will always be sad. I love you, Sara. I love you Sara C.
  • Andrew M loves you Sara C. Sadly I may die from my sadness. I am so sad. I am stopping my thinking"
  • "Long story"
  • "Again and dying if you know war I mean."
  • Yikes.. this was eight years ago.
  • I hope he's doing better now, and I hope that he and Sara ended up together?
  • I don't know; poor kid..
  • Here's another app that does that claims to do the same thing: "Love Test Calculator"
  • "Do not get this app;
  • "I don't even want to rate it one-star,"
  • And yet they did. They rated at one-star.
  • And then finally the last app we're gonna look at is a little bit different than these others.
  • This one is called "Hologram Dog 3D Simulator."
  • Now, based on the pictures they use..
  • Obviously the prerequisite here being that you're an idiot.
  • It would be easy to look at this and think,
  • "Oh look! It actually Projects a hologram off of your screen."
  • Obviously, it doesn't do that.
  • Oh look, they just updated it recently. I wonder what's new.
  • "Fix bug." Perfect.
  • Now, I was curious what this actually was so I decided to download it
  • So I would have a little bit of knowledge before reading some of these reviews
  • And lo and behold it doesn't actually project a hologram of a dog.
  • Just has different pictures of a dog. You got like four to choose from.
  • But the fun hasn't begun yet. Like it's fun enough to pick your dog right?
  • I went ahead and picked this guy.
  • And then you're you're greeted with this screen
  • What do you do next?
  • There's nothing on the screen except for a button
  • And then you touch the button and [ Happy music ] that dog shows up.
  • And then you touch the button again, and it goes away
  • So that's pretty fun app! I gotta say, pretty fun, good time having it.
  • It's a free app to do and then look at all the fun ads..
  • So I'm good fun stuff on this app (?)
  • Let's see what people had to say about it.
  • The top review here and one of the only positive reviews. His name is "Get the app today!!!!!"
  • But the review--the title of the review--is just a bunch of letters and it's 5 stars
  • And then what they did was they just hit the suggest button you know when you're typing on your iPhone
  • And you just hit the middle button it suggests words.
  • That's what they did and then that's the top review:
  • "I have a great way of the day before I get a follow back on my way home from work to be the first half
  • Of the day before I get a follow back on my way home from work to be the first half of the year
  • And I don't think that I have a great way of life
  • And the other hand is the only thing that would make it a lot of the year than I don't"
  • "Not very fun. It's not very fun because the only thing you can do is press a button and a dog shows up."
  • I have to agree with this reviewer who said: "Great arcade virtual fun
  • "There is a good thing that cool on this the button is easy to use"
  • Yeah, I got to agree with him on that. The button is pretty easy to use.
  • You just--you just touch it
  • "Works great fools my mom. She thinks it's a real dog."
  • "I give the game a four," and then he gave it three stars for some reason.
  • This person said: "Not worth buy even though it's free."
  • "No hate for the game. Just add a little bit more hologram."
  • Alright guys, I think that's gonna do it for today's video
  • I just wanted to share some of the weirdness that I found on the App Store
  • And I hope you guys liked it if you did like it feel free to hit that thumbs up button if you didn't like it
  • You can hit the thumbs down button..
  • But just make sure to hit it twice so I really know how much you dislike the video.
  • Feel free to subscribe if you want.
  • Although you don't really need to..
  • Unfortunately, I'm still currently the only person making videos on the website..
  • So I guess if you just go on YouTube you're just gonna see my videos?
  • So no need to subscribe.
  • If you guys are wondering when all those boxes are.. that is my merch that I teased in the last video.
  • It's still kind of in the early stages I need to do more with those.
  • Very excited for you guys to see what exactly I have in store for you
  • And I'm not being hyperbolic when I say this:
  • This merch is gonna change the game of merch!!
  • None of that bullshit that you're used to seeing all over YouTube--none of that!
  • This is the good stuff . This is the real stuff.
  • Speaking of merch though, real quick, I do want to give a shout out to my dear friend
  • Rachel aka, BBtamagotchi
  • She is a very talented artist and graphic designer, and she's currently selling merch including this
  • Cute little banana shirt, which I love she's not paying me for this.
  • I just wanted to shout her out because I think she's very talented and under appreciated.
  • So I'm gonna put a link to her shop in the description and if you want to buy something then do.
  • So check that out if you want.
  • Again, I'm not being paid, okay.
  • If I was being paid I'd let you know and I tell you exactly how much I was being paid in this case zero dollars
  • And that's okay with me because Rachel's my friend!
  • Alright anyway guys, I'm doing the thing again where I..
  • Just talk and talk and talk at the end of the video for no reason
  • So I'm gonna stop doing that..
  • Thank you guys so much for watching.
  • See you guys in the next video which should be out..
  • Eventually.. so thank for watching.

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Description

The world is full of questionable people doing questionable things, and I like to question them. Today's question: "why did you think this would work?" (the title of video lmao)

Here's the thing; not everything is possible, and not everything you read is true. It's just not. That's why it's our job as living, breathing humans to figure out when someone is lying to us. It usually doesn't take much, just a minimal amount of critical thinking. And yet here we are, surrounded by people who seem to think everything they see on the internet is factual; and you better believe they're going to throw a fit when they're proven wrong.

This is a pretty light rant. Just some fun silly goofs because I felt like my last couple videos have been a little too serious. If you subscribed to me to see me laugh at dumb shit on the internet and not to passionately dismantle someone or something I'm mad about, then today is your lucky day. Pointless rants are my specialty.

end music:
/watch?v=wJFTcSHjIT4

rachel's store:
https://bbtamagotchi.threadless.com

my store:
https://www.drewgoodenshop.com

forbidden links (DO NOT CLICK):
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instagram - https://www.instagram.com/drewisgooden
facebook - https://www.facebook.com/drewisgooden

personalized video shoutouts: https://www.bookcameo.com/drewgooden

If you're still reading this, comment "Nice cheese go moo" so I know you're a TRUE little stinker.