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Trump Impeachment Resolution Passes With Zero Republican Votes

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Oct 31, 2019

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Trump Impeachment Resolution Passes With Zero Republican Votes
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  • WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
  • I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.
  • NOW -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
  • -- THIS IS MOMENTOUS.
  • >> Jon: OH, YEAH.
  • >> Stephen: TODAY IS MOMENTOUS, JON.
  • NOT EVERY DAY CAN WE SAY THAT WE AS A PEOPLE HAVE WITNESSED
  • HISTORY.
  • BUT TODAY IS TRULY AN HISTORIC DAY IN WASHINGTON, BECAUSE THE
  • NATIONALS WON THE WORLD SERIES.
  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S RIGHT.
  • DESPITE THE GAME BEING ON THE ROAD, NATIONAL FANS GATHERED IN
  • THEIR HOME BALLPARK TO CELEBRATE, INCLUDING THIS GUY --
  • >> THIS IS HUGE FOR D.C.
  • D.C. NEEDED THIS.
  • WE GOT SOME ( BLEEP ) IN THE ( BLEEP ) WHITE HOUSE.
  • >> OH, OH, OHHH, NO, NO, NO.
  • >> STEPHEN: (AS REPORTER) "OH, OH, OHHH, NO, NO, NO."
  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) GOOD FOR YOU!
  • YEAH!
  • >> Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS!
  • >> Stephen: WHAT DID THIS REPORTER THINK WAS GOING TO
  • HAPPEN?
  • SHE'S INTERVIEWING DRUNK FANS.
  • DID SHE EXPECT A COGENT RESPONSE?
  • (AS DRUNK GUY) "WHILE I'M HAPPY, THIS VICTORY
  • IS SOMEWHAT TARNISHED BY THE CLOUD OF IMPEACHMENT HANGING
  • OVER THIS GREAT NATION.
  • IF WE ACCEPT THE LOWERING OF CONSTITUTIONAL STANDARDS,
  • AMERICA WILL CEASE TO BE A SHINING BEACON OF LIBERTY.
  • NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO PUKE INTO A STORM DRAIN!
  • GO NATS!
  • GO--" (VOMITS)
  • WHOO!
  • WHOO!
  • WHOO!
  • WHOO!
  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) GO NATS!
  • (VOMITS) >> Jon: HE LET IT ALL OUT.
  • HE COULDN'T HOLD IT.
  • >> Stephen: WHOO!
  • ( LAUGHTER ) OF COURSE, THAT "FELLOW" MAY NOT
  • IN THE "LOVEMAKING" WHITE HOUSE MUCH LONGER BECAUSE TODAY, THE
  • HOUSE VOTED TO FORMALIZE THE IMPEACHMENT INQUIRY.
  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YEAH.
  • IT RAINETH EVERY DAY.
  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'RE ONE STEP CLOSER TO GETTING
  • TRUMP OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE AND SENDING HIM HOME TO NEW YORK
  • CIT-- OH.
  • ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) QUICK!
  • QUICK!
  • SOMEONE LOCK THE LINCOLN TUNNEL AND TURN OUT THE LIGHTS!
  • LAUGH EVERYBODY ON THE FLOOR!
  • WE'RE NOT HOME!
  • ( LAUGHTER ) THE RESOLUTION WAS LED BY HOUSE
  • SPEAKER NANCY PELOSI, WHO IS MY GUEST TONIGHT.
  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
  • SHOULD HAVE TONIGHT'S SHOW SENT TO THE SMITHSONIAN, NATIONAL
  • TREASURES RIGHT BETWEEN ABE LINCOLN'S HAT
  • AND BEN FRANKLIN'S CODPIECE.
  • THE VOTE TOOK PLACE ON HALLOWEEN, WHICH IS WHY WE'RE
  • CALLING TONIGHT'S EPISODE -- >> NANCY PE-GHOSTY'S HAUNTED
  • HOUSE SCREAM-PEACHMENT SIN-QUIRY INTO THE PRESIDENT'S QUID PRO
  • CROW WITH BOO-KRAINE!
  • >> WITCH HUNT!
  • >> Stephen: WHOO!
  • WHOO WHOO WHOO WHOO!
  • THE RESOLUTION PASSED BY A VOTE OF 232 TO 196 WITH ZERO
  • REPUBLICAN VOTES.
  • ( BOOING ) NOW, ARE THEY JUST COMPLAINING
  • ABOUT PROCESS, OR ARE THEY REALLY SO LACKING ANY HONOR THAT
  • THEY ARE WILLING TO PUBLICLY STATE THAT BLACKMAILING A
  • FOREIGN GOVERNMENT TO INTERFERE IN OUR ELECTION IS OKAY?
  • >> WILL YOU ALL GO ON RECORD TO SAY THAT THE PRESIDENT DID
  • NOTHING INAPPROPRIATE?
  • >> YES, YES.
  • >> VERY CLEAR, YES.
  • >> STEPHEN: "FOLLOW UP-- THE TITANIC JUST HIT AN ICEBERG.
  • THE CAPTAIN IS SAYING, 'IT WAS A PERFECT ICEBERG, NOW WE CAN ALL
  • MAKE SLURPEES FOR EVERYONE,' AND HE'S ASKING YOU TO HANDCUFF
  • YOURSELF TO THE PORTSIDE RAIL AND SWALLOW THE KEYS.
  • ARE YOU ALL WILLING TO DO THAT?" >> YES, YES.
  • >> VERY CLEAR, YES.
  • >> STEPHEN: GOOD TO KNOW.
  • WHILE DEBATING THE RESOLUTION, BOTH SIDES USED VISUAL AIDS, SO
  • YOU CAN TELL WHOSE SIDE THEY WERE ON.
  • CONGRESSMAN STEVE SCALISE'S POSTER WAS THERE TO UNDERLINE
  • HIS CENTRAL MESSAGE.
  • >> THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED.
  • IT'S NOT ONLY UNPRECEDENTED, THIS IS SOVIET-STYLE RULES.
  • >> STEPHEN: AH, YES, THE CLASSIC SOVIET-STYLE RULES FOR
  • IMPEACHING THEIR LEADER.
  • REMEMBER, STALIN WAS IN POWER ONLY 30 YEARS WHEN HE WAS
  • IMPEACHED BY DYING.
  • >> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT.
  • >> Stephen: THE VOTE TODAY ALSO DID NOT SIT
  • WELL WITH REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN AND MAN WHO LEARNED TO SMILE
  • FROM A SERIES OF STILL PICTURES, DEVON NUNES.
  • NUNES THINKS HE KNOWS WHAT'S FUELING ADAM SCHIFF AND THE
  • DEMOCRATS.
  • >> WHAT WE'RE SEEING AMONG DEMOCRATS ON THE INTELLIGENCE
  • COMMITTEE DOWN IN THE SCIF RIGHT NOW IS LIKE A CULT.
  • THESE ARE A GROUP OF PEOPLE LOYALLY FOLLOWING THEIR LEADER
  • AS HE BOUNCES FROM ONE OUTLANDISH CONSPIRACY THEORY TO
  • ANOTHER.
  • >> Stephen: REALLY?
  • WOW.
  • THAT IS THE POT SAYING THE KETTLE WAS BORN IN KENYA.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF )
  • THE RESOLUTION LAYS OUT THE RULES FOR THE INQUIRY MOVING
  • FORWARD, THE BIG ONE BEING THAT IT NOW ALLOWS "FOR THE
  • PARTICIPATION OF THE PRESIDENT AND HIS COUNSEL."
  • PLEASE BE RUDY, PLEASE BE RUDY.
  • PLEASE BE RUDY, PLEASE BE RUDY.
  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OR THE PRESIDENT.
  • HE'S ALLOWED TO BE THERE FOR THE.
  • HEARINGS.
  • CAN YOU IMAGINE PRESIDENT TRUMP BEING IN THE ROOM?
  • (AS TRUMP) "OBJECTION!
  • I AM NOT THAT BOY'S FATHER!
  • ( LAUGHTER ) I'M SORRY, WHAT AM I ACCUSED OF
  • TODAY?"çó I'M SORRY.
  • I'M SORRY, ERIC.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) AFTER THE VOTE WAS OVER, THE
  • NATIONAL REPUBLICAN CONGRESSIONAL COMMITTEE THOUGHT;
  • WACKY POLITICAL PRANK, SO THEY SENT SOME DEMOCRATS "MOVING
  • BOXES."
  • YOU KNOW, BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO MOVE OUT OF YOUR
  • OFFICES BECAUSE OF THIS VOTE.
  • BUT BECAUSE THE BOXES LOOKED LIKE SUSPICIOUS PACKAGES,
  • CAPITOL POLICE WERE CALLED TO INVESTIGATE.
  • GUYS, PRANKS SHOULD BE ORIGINAL AND CLEVER.
  • YOU'VE GOT TO THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX.
  • YOU JUST THOUGHT "BOX."
  • ( LAUGHTER ) NOW, ALL THESE G.O.P. CONGRESS
  • MEN HAVE A SMALL PROBLEM OTHER THAN BEING ON THE TERROR WATCH
  • LIST NOW.
  • IT'S -- WHAT'S THE WORD -- EVIDENCE.
  • WE KEEP GETTING MORE OF IT.
  • TODAY, WE LEARNED THAT RIGHT AFTER TRUMP HUNG UP HIS PERFECT
  • PHONE CALL, ONE PERSON LISTENING IN, LIEUTENANT COLONEL ALEXANDER
  • VINDMAN, FILED A COMPLAINT WITH A WHITE HOUSE LAWYER.
  • THAT LAWYER SAW THE THREAT, SPRUNG INTO ACTION, AND HID THE
  • TRANSCRIPT ON A CLASSIFIED SERVER.
  • AND IT'S A COVER-UP!
  • LET'S TELL HIM WHAT HE'S WON.
  • AN ALL-YOU-CAN-TELEVISE IMPEACHMENT HEARING!
  • A TRIAL IN THE WORLD-FAMOUS CAPITAL BUILDING!
  • AND, A FREE HELICOPTER RIDE OUT OF WASHINGTON, ON MARINE ONE.
  • "MARINE ONE: RIDE AWAY IN SHAME IN STYLE!"
  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NOW, THANK YOU.
  • THANK YOU.
  • THAT SECOND TIME IS ALWAYS A GOOD ONE.
  • ( PIANO RIFF ) THIS SECRET SERVER THE
  • TRANSCRIPT GOT STUFFED IN IS KNOWN AS "NICE," WHICH STANDS
  • FOR N.S.C. INTELLIGENCE COLLABORATION ENVIRONMENT.
  • YOU CAN'T MAKE THE FIRST LETTER OF AN ACRONYM REPRESENT ANOTHER
  • ACRONYM.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S WHAT I CALL "FAVS."
  • WHICH STANDS FOR "FUBAR," "AND," "VERY," "STUPID."
  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
  • ( PIANO RIFF ) ACRONYM.
  • I'VE GOT TO DO ACRONYM LATER.
  • I GOTCHA.
  • I GOTCHA.
  • GETTING IMPEACHED IS STRESSFUL, SO, ON TUESDAY, TRUMP BLEW OFF A
  • LITTLE STEAM AT A PRIVATE FUNDRAISER, WHERE HOUSE
  • REPUBLICANS WHO RAKED IN THE MOST MONEY GOT A LITTLE EXTRA
  • REWARD: A ROAST FROM PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP.
  • MAY NOT SOUND THAT FUN, BUT IT BROUGHT IN WAY MORE CASH THAN
  • STEPHEN MILLER'S KISSING BOOTH.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) UNHINGE HIS JAW, SWALLOW YOUR
  • WHOLE HEAD.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) IN PARTICULAR, TRUMP SINGLED OUT
  • REPRESENTATIVE STEVE SCALISE, WHO AS YOU MIGHT RECALL, WAS
  • SHOT AT A CONGRESSIONAL SOFTBALL GAME A COUPLE OF YEARS BACK.
  • SO, RIPE FOR ROASTING.
  • TRUMP TOLD A STORY ABOUT SCALISE'S WIFE, WHO HE SAID,
  • "CRIED HER EYES OUT WHEN I MET HER AT THE HOSPITAL THAT FATEFUL
  • DAY.
  • I MEAN, NOT MANY WIVES WOULD REACT THAT WAY TO TRAGEDY.
  • I KNOW MINE WOULDN'T."
  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
  • (AS TRUMP) "THE JOKE IS: MY WIFE HATES MY
  • GUTS.
  • WE'RE IN A TOTALLY LOVELESS MARRIAGE.
  • SHE'D LEAVE ME BUT SHE'S AFRAID I'D DEPORT HER.
  • WOMEN, AM I RIGHT?
  • TAKE MY WIFE, PLEASE.
  • OH WAIT, SHE'S NOT HERE."

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Description

Not only are House Republicans standing firm behind the President, their leader Rep. Kevin McCarthy was willing to go on the record to say that Trump's actions on Ukraine were completely appropriate.

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