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TOP 10 Funniest Comedians That Made SIMON COWELL Laugh on AGT & BGT | Got Talent Global

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Sep 28, 2018

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TOP 10 Funniest Comedians That Made SIMON COWELL Laugh on AGT & BGT | Got Talent Global
TOP 10 Funniest Comedians That Made SIMON COWELL Laugh on AGT & BGT | Got Talent Global thumb TOP 10 Funniest Comedians That Made SIMON COWELL Laugh on AGT & BGT | Got Talent Global thumb TOP 10 Funniest Comedians That Made SIMON COWELL Laugh on AGT & BGT | Got Talent Global thumb

Transcription

  • My name is Alec Hooper from Los Angeles, California and
  • Tell me why events the show this year. I just want to inspire the world through happiness positivity and comedy Oh,
  • Alex we'll look you've got about two minutes. So good luck. Thank you
  • Before I begin I'd like to acknowledge your host Tyra Banks
  • Tyro I truly admire your courage
  • It must be so difficult to host a show like this and still find a way to make it about you
  • Somebody get his ass. Oh
  • That was just an appetizer
  • Howie
  • Mandel yes a Canadian
  • Judging America's Got Talent. What happened? Did they already find all three talented Canadians?
  • I'm so glad you're here. I've always wanted to know what a big toe would look like if it were a person
  • With Bobby's world let's move on to spice world. That'll be
  • Scary spice. Hey, the only thing scary about you is your solo career
  • Heidi klum, you are
  • Magical for children and that your body looks as though you haven't paid attention to any of them
  • Hi dear, you are a natural beauty. Why does it look like your face went through a sephora? Sample sale? Oh my god
  • I want any what you're gonna say Oh getting to him, don't you?
  • Simon I'm confused didn't we form this country to get away from Brits like you?
  • But Simon from all of us thank you for fixing your British teeth those things are so straight and white
  • They were just offered positions and Trump's cabinet
  • Good evening. Good evening. What's your name? I'm Mickey Mickey. Yeah, where you from darling?
  • I'm from the beautiful city of Leeds
  • How old do you Mickey I'm 36, do you have a day job or is this your full-time job?
  • I am a part-time primary school teacher
  • Enjoying your food
  • Yeah, you've gotta wait
  • The stage is yours Mickey go for it. Thank you very much Cheers
  • This is called the absolutely amazing song. Yes
  • About travelling around Europe. Oh
  • that rhymes
  • Like I'm after Paris in a Yaris this next song I
  • Know this is supposed to be a comedy routine, but I've I've suffered loss recently
  • So I just want to get this off my chest I am
  • Joey I'll play the song said I've got a bit emotional talking about it. I
  • Can't believe I've lost you I
  • Can't believe you've gone I
  • Need you to know that
  • You did nothing wrong
  • First time I saw you
  • Just hang in there the checkout lady said you want to buy one of these and I said
  • You were my
  • Prize
  • You cussed almost 10 pence and I only you still try
  • The other bags I use compared to you wash luck
  • I always feel that the handle strap is gonna
  • Happen to you as well
  • Thank you very much
  • Well done Mickey Simon, what did you make of that it was silly, but it was fun
  • I liked the first song in particular Oh Thank You Simon the quick one, but
  • very very very funny very observational and I was particularly choked up but the beggar
  • Feliciano it's all for my controller. What was really funny was seeing him and having explained to Simon what bad polite
  • 1981 I got it in the end
  • You don't need me to tell you how funny I do watch Allah
  • You are brilliantly brilliantly funny and if you carry on like this I can see even the final of Britain's Got Talent
  • And I'd love to hear more from you Mickey it's a yes for me
  • Love you, it's a yes from me my girl
  • You know what unlike some acts who are kind of like not funny then are funny you are always funny
  • Even at my expense so you've got a yes
  • Hello Simon, we really really enjoyed your first audition of all the comedians we had you were the one I remembered now
  • I know you nervous what's going through your head? Well, you know, just hope the jokes turn out good. The audience likes it
  • There's four dollars in it for every one of you who laughs
  • Talia
  • Vicki I always ask this question million dollars, what would you do with the money?
  • I'd buy a trailer in Malibu so I could be closer to you
  • That's a good outside. Okay. Well can't wait to see what's gonna happen next. Good luck. Thank you so much
  • Thank you so much I got a new outfit do you like it? Thank you feel like it. Thank you
  • Thank you. I shop local I did I found this at the hospice thrift store of Beverly Hills
  • Thank you. My daughter is like mom, that'd sound grounds Hospice. Yeah, what if somebody died in it?
  • At least she died sexy
  • I mean, I'm kind of clueless, you know, but it seems to me kids today are a little bit entitled. Am I right, right?
  • Okay
  • So my daughter turns 16 and she says mom, I want to go to Coachella and I want you to get me a hotel room
  • Listen to yourself a hotel room. I mean if you can't find a guy who can afford a van by now
  • When I grew up my mom and her friends, they partied 24/7, you know, they always
  • Always brought flasks on field trips. Okay, right. So I go on my daughter's first field trip
  • I take my flask, right?
  • I'm not gonna get on a bus full of first grader sober not not ever. Okay, I
  • Take on my flask, you know a little sip
  • And all the other field trip moms. They just go ballistic. They're like, she's got a flat. She's got a class
  • You know like I'm some kind of terrorist, right?
  • Will it calm down beyond?
  • I'm not driving this bus
  • But I feel bad few young moms, I wouldn't want to be a young mom today not for anything
  • The pressure is unbelievable, right? You got to teach your baby to read
  • Baby sing today what your stupid little baby read?
  • My baby to read I don't want my baby crawling around going what's past do
  • Shut up baby your little baby face
  • Thank you guys for dollars everybody well Vicki
  • Okay, Olivia first time you saw Vicki. What do you think? I love you so much
  • You talk the way that like my friends and I talk and
  • They're so funny. And I just want to say you shut your little baby face gay everybody
  • Hello
  • And who and who you I'm Jeff Robinson. I am 33
  • I'm from North London as what do you do as a day job?
  • So I'm trying to be a full-time performer, but during the week I work with kids that have special needs
  • Great
  • Tell me why he decided to enter Britain's Got Talent
  • I've wanted to enter for a few years now, but I've always chickens out
  • But quite a lot has changed for me in the last year
  • So it was happened Oh fun things like moving house getting divorced, you know good things
  • What's the axe you're gonna do today, you're gonna be doing some impressions
  • Okay, well good luck, I'm so nervous it's stupid deep breath deep
  • Hope names don't get the better up hooks is good
  • Go single
  • Good
  • Simon mrs. O has a fabulous new game
  • You have to choose between me Katherine Jenkins
  • Wow, oh you'll be in it
  • We've got a big food food fight for the club boy. You've gotta
  • Please wouldn't recognize me boys
  • Good evening. What's your name? My name is Samuel Jake AMRO. I'm a stand-up comedian
  • I've been doing comedy for 10 years. Now. Do you do it full-time? Yeah do it full-time
  • Okay
  • Are you nervous? No, I I have Tourette syndrome. So I switch the lab
  • I'm blink real fast my head flops around if you see that it's kind of cute
  • Thank you
  • What does this mean to you coming to AGT now this means everything I've worked my entire life for a moment like this
  • They don't come very often. I'm really grateful
  • I just had a baby girl and this is a beautiful opportunity Wow, and your family is all supportive of this career
  • Yes, since I started they've been 100% behind me. So very
  • Well, you know what it's scary enough doing whatever you do to hit that X and I just want the best for you
  • I really do. Thanks so much. Go ahead
  • Thank you
  • It's like I said, I have Tourette syndrome, it's while my hair flops around I blink real fast it's weird
  • It always looks like I'm trying to tell you a secret
  • This twitch gets me in trouble. My roommate came home from work I was like, doh our neighbor died
  • He said did you kill him like nah
  • Yo, this is a true story when I was 10 years old my parents sent me to tourettes camp
  • Yeah, that's where the joke should end
  • It's a real place and I didn't realize it till this moment
  • But I found out that when other people twitch it makes me twitch more
  • So on the first day they put us in a circle with a hundred kids
  • The kid next to me did a shoulder roll and my Tourette's saw that and took that as a challenge
  • And I threw him a head flop
  • The girl next to him did a full body twitch and everybody saw that in all hell broke loose
  • Kids were rolling on the ground. I was in the corner like why they send us here our
  • Parents were on top of a hill like all their breakdancing
  • I'm saying your J camera. Thank you
  • Hello, my name is Robert
  • III I just turned 30 11 years ago, so
  • If it's your job would you have a normal job? Um, I teach tiny little primary school channel to music as well
  • So I do that which isn't this
  • Okay best of luck
  • Alright so um face basically I've written a song
  • Specifically for for you, which makes me nervous and also I'm slightly nervous because got something called dyslexia
  • Which is it, which was very good for music because when I was young I taught myself the piano
  • Although it's not so good as I'm older. I recently tried to book tickets for Rihanna my book tickets for Ryanair. Um,
  • Thank you, I've got something called Asperger syndrome, which means I'm a genius
  • No, it's nice to be here I've had a bit of a rough week
  • I've actually moved into a flat with was my boyfriend your boyfriend gay
  • And and autistic two ways. I can't think straight and
  • I
  • Usually when I do clubs I swear a lot so I've got to be PC
  • I've done the song which is literally be see because it's about computers and
  • I have done it three times and each time people have laughed. So if you don't you're wrong, okay?
  • Thank you George for me working in a computer talk I
  • Work in the computer shop maker Kabuto bright and clean
  • So much crumbs and vomit and don't ask what's on the screen
  • I do half the work juts double the time you would want a job like mine if you would find the things I find
  • cleaning of Microsoft Windows
  • David Walliams wanted to update his content reminder. He brought me a massive ring binder, but when I looked all the contacts were from brighter
  • Webcam was another case. She said the picture
  • Was too lovely her face was too lovely
  • Amanda Holden was the only one who's in scrum was on the mark. She said her outfits have so much spunk
  • I said I'm just jealous. I'll never dress like you because I don't
  • Simon Cowell's Facebook was round the bend. He brought it to me to try to mend. It wasn't broken. It's just got no
  • Oh
  • Oh
  • Rubber I love you Wow
  • I mean everything you said was hilarious. You're just a beautiful soul comedy flows from you like water
  • I lovely had a go at us all I think some people were more hurt than others
  • Some was just entirely truthful
  • That's I just can't wait to see what you're gonna do next
  • We start to finish that was hilariously funny you're a shining star
  • We're very self-deprecating and I think you have funny bones and the audition was fabulous
  • Robert you know what you're very unique you very quirky very funny very naughty
  • Robert
  • which we like
  • I'm saying yes rubber white you go for yes to coagulate
  • Hello, hey Doc, what's your name, please? My name is Preeti Lawson. I love that and how are you?
  • I'm 25, I turned 26 in two hours
  • Are you single married? I have a girlfriend you have a girlfriend she's dope. Yeah
  • and
  • What do you do for a living? I'm a stand-up comedian, which means I'm unemployed and I do stand-up on the side
  • All right best of luck, right?
  • I
  • Got a motorcycle I don't like telling people
  • I have a motorcycle coz every time I tell someone they always got to tell me a story
  • About how the friends crashed on a motorcycle, you know, like why do people have to be so negative?
  • I don't go up to pregnant women telling them my dad left
  • So annoying so annoying
  • I walked at my apartment one time right? I walked in my apartment and my neighbor walked up to me
  • She's like, oh my god. You got a motorcycle. Are you Cyrus? Are you sorry you better be careful
  • I got in a car wreck the other day. My car flipped eight times. I'm looking to be laughs bliss
  • She black by the way
  • This is like, you know those that is crazy that's your car flip eight times you alive
  • You are blessed, you know, and now I'm over here thinking who the heck counted right like
  • Who's that calm when their cars flipping in?
  • My name is Chris, thank you so much. I appreciate it. How's that?
  • Feature can I have just one more joke?
  • Aha
  • All right. I don't feel safe driving with my grandma because she's really spiritual
  • She loved the Lord to the point where she's not afraid of dying, so I don't like that. All right, I
  • Don't like being in the car with someone that's not afraid of death
  • Okay, like hey, she got that attitude like it's top down going to heaven so I don't battle
  • I'm like, it doesn't matter cuz I'm gonna talk, okay
  • This that spiritual my crown is if I got shot in the chest with a gun eight times instead of calling the ambulance
  • She would get on her knees praying like please Lord Jesus I get these demons
  • I sign my grandbaby stress block that borders rise up and by the way sperm is chest black mode to do the Ramseys
  • Is
  • Leo John 3:16
  • Hello, my name is Lee and for obvious reasons, I'm also known as the lost voice guy
  • Okay, and how long have you lost your voice? I?
  • Just knew you were going to ask something that I hadn't thought about
  • beforehand
  • So, please excuse the awkward silence while I type out my answer
  • I've been speechless for 37 years. Well, tell me why you decide when to the show the ship
  • I think I entered Britain's Got Talent for the same reason everyone does
  • to meet Ant & Dec this
  • Is all going so well up until that point the stage League is yours
  • Hello ladies and gentlemen as
  • You may be able to tell I'm a struggling stand-up comedian who also struggles to stand up
  • To be honest, I'm not sure how good I am
  • I'll leave that for you to decide
  • But just so you know if you don't laugh but the disabled guy you are going to help
  • Well, I realized I'd never be able to talk again I was speechless I
  • Have lived in Newcastle all my life
  • Yes, but for some reason I still hadn't picked up the accent. I
  • Can see that some of you are trying to figure out where you know me from
  • Maybe it would help if I started saying phrases such as the next train to arrive on
  • this world
  • And from my time at the post office, please go to cashier number later I
  • Got the train here today, I
  • Always like to sit in those seats for disabled people. I
  • Was about halfway here when another disabled person got on and asked me to move. I
  • Didn't realize I'd be playing disabled Top Trumps when I got on or I would have dressed more special
  • Needless to say I didn't give up my seat
  • Who cares if he was both blind and deaf I?
  • Was there first?
  • It was very awkward. He couldn't see that I was still there and
  • I couldn't tell him I wasn't moving because I can't speak
  • Before I leave you I have one more thing to say I
  • Hate that we have so many
  • politically correct words to describe
  • Disabled people now
  • It's all special needs
  • special schools
  • special olympics, I
  • Don't know. What is so special about me
  • That is white always alarms me when I hear about special forces going to war
  • You've been a fantastic audience
  • Goodbye
  • Hi
  • Hi, welcome to America's Got Talent
  • Thank you. How are you feeling today?
  • I'm
  • Okay
  • Okay, what's your name? And where you from? I'm Oliver graves and I'm from Santa Rosa, California
  • how do you
  • I'm 32 and
  • What are you gonna be doing for us? I am a stand-up comedian
  • Is that what you do? Yeah
  • Are you in a relationship or married?
  • um
  • No, I'm not I'm single all I think this guy is perfect for you. I
  • Think we should just that Oliver do what he's gonna do. Okay go for it
  • They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day well not if you're poisoned
  • Then the antidote becomes the most important meal
  • I'm trying to find the woman of my dreams, but it's a struggle because I'm an insomniac I
  • Tried online dating under be people that say must love dogs. I didn't understand why
  • Like I want to love a person
  • But it all made sense once I looked at the faces of the people that were saying that
  • Dating is really hard for me like compatibility wise like like I'm a Virgo so that means
  • Yeah
  • That means I'm only compatible with people that are really naive and believe in horoscopes. I
  • Traded in my car to get my interest rates lowered it worked women are less interested in me. I
  • Once had my identity stolen
  • It's okay they gave it right back
  • Thank you
  • You're so different you're humble and real and dark is everything that I absolutely love
  • From the moment, you walked out your visual your your and your cadence and everything and you're smart and you're bright
  • I think you didn't get the reaction you expected. So you're not used to this for you know, that is that what you're crying. I
  • Don't get booked in a lot of shows
  • You know enjoy your free time right now because you are gonna be a busy man
  • Well, although
  • We have had
  • A lot of stand-up comedians this year now when I look back and I try and remember them all they all blur into
  • one type
  • apart from you
  • I'm gonna kick this off with your first. Yes, brother. Thank you
  • I'm giving you your second. Yes
  • For years congratulate
  • I know it's funny. It was funny. I love them. I like the below I
  • Know I'm not what everything they're saying. I'm not the
  • It's teacher pillow
  • Hello hello, hi, you look happy
  • I'm quite delighted
  • At what's your name? It's my name is de Lisa de lis search upon that
  • Amazing Malawi and name Malawi. Yes, so I'm from alive, but I live in Manchester. Why have you come on Britain Scott?
  • I've come to make the people laugh. I am a comedian. I
  • Would love the winner of Britain's Got Talent this year to be a comedian. Oh, no pressure no pressure
  • Who are you here with so I'm here just alone
  • I my brother no, no he wanted to come he's a doctor and he was like either I should save lives or come with you
  • Well, your parents disappointed that one of you was a comedian one of you was a doctor they were absolutely horrified because I was studying
  • Computer programming so I had a future
  • Okay, excellent
  • Well, I'm at that age now all my friends are getting married and married people forget how horrible it is being single
  • They love to call me and complain about their company problems. Always get you're so lucky being single I get home
  • My wife just starts nagging nag nag nag up. Like I have to nag myself. I
  • Get home like what time do I call this?
  • Why don't I ever do the dishes
  • Sometimes I think I don't appreciate myself
  • I
  • Haven't always been a comedian. I did some weird jobs. I used to clean houses and I'll admit I was tempted to steal I
  • Didn't steal cook the Bible says thou shalt not steal. But nowhere does it say thou shalt not swap?
  • I took a stereo left a Walkman took a plasma screen left an etch-a-sketch
  • As I mentioned I am from Africa I moved here ten years ago and immediately I moved here
  • I heard a lot of British people talking about the
  • Financial crisis the recession. I'm from Africa. What are you maniacs talking about?
  • You call that a crisis if that's a crisis. Where's UNICEF?
  • Where is Bono
  • I've not seen one save the UK concert
  • You can tell me it's a financial crisis when their planes flying over Birmingham tossing fish and chips out the window
  • It will be in a financial crisis when their ads on television
  • Saying this chap has to walk five miles of there
  • To get a bottle of wkd blue
  • And 100% you have got a financial crisis when India starts opening call centres here
  • Can you imagine some pro guide Mumbai calls Bank ends up talking to a bra me
  • Thank you so much
  • Right
  • I
  • Just want to say I think you're bloody hilarious
  • Thank you
  • self-deprecating funny relevance, I mean laughs after laughs after laughs
  • It just kept on coming and I really want you to win the entire Syria
  • I think you have a golden future. I think so buddy. I'm shocked and delighted
  • My face is hurting from laughing I'm so pleased that a man depressed our golden buzzer
  • Whew, you are brilliant, and I cannot wait to hear more from you. We're done
  • You should be a comedy superstar all the jokes were really original and
  • You are incredibly likeable. I couldn't fault it well done
  • No need do I think you're an undiscovered all-star I could see you owning your own show
  • If what you did was so funny and naughty
  • Unique this is why we make shows like this to find people like you
  • Oh

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Description

Watch the funniest and down right hilarious comedy auditions on America's Got Talent and Britain's Got Talent 2017-18. Simon Cowell can't stop laughing...
Who do you think was the best comedian?? Let us know in the comments below...

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