Tinder Nightmares: Pickup Lines

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00:00   |   Oct 13, 2015


Tinder Nightmares: Pickup Lines
Tinder Nightmares: Pickup Lines thumb Tinder Nightmares: Pickup Lines thumb Tinder Nightmares: Pickup Lines thumb


  • - How many of you are on Tinder?
  • [cheers and applause]
  • Good for you for getting it started, sir,
  • because so many people were scared to say it,
  • and then you encouraged them, and then they,
  • "Oh, yeah, then me, too."
  • How about Cupid, OKCupid?
  • All right, Match.com?
  • Hinge? Hinge, Bumble?
  • - Yeah! - Coffee meets bagel?
  • Grindr?
  • All right, well, there are a lot of ways
  • to meet people online these days.
  • I've never used any of them, but for all of you young people
  • out there, you won't believe this,
  • but in the past, to start a relationship,
  • you had to talk to someone in person.
  • For a while.
  • And you'd have something called a conversation.
  • And when someone rejected you,
  • the would reject you in person.
  • You could actually see their expression.
  • You would know what that means.
  • Kids, you call it an emoji, we call it a face.
  • [cheers and applause]
  • But since it's so much easier to date online,
  • I think people have gotten lazier and lazier
  • and pick-up lines have gotten worse and worse,
  • and I know this from all the research I've done,
  • and by research, I mean I found an Instagram account
  • called Tinder Nightmares.
  • And since Tinder is a place where you can find true love,
  • sometimes twice in one night,
  • - Yeah!
  • - This section over here is crazy.
  • All right, I want to help you people out,
  • so I thought we could take a look
  • at some Tinder pick-up lines that didn't go well
  • and learn from their mistakes.
  • So this one is from Kevin, and his first text
  • is at 3:30 in the morning.
  • "Hey, what's up?"
  • And then, "Hey, what's up?"
  • And then, "Hey, what's up?"
  • "Hey, what's up?"
  • "Hey, what's up?"
  • All right.
  • Then at 3:46, he texted, "Hey, what's up?"
  • He's persistent, that Kevin.
  • This next one is from Luke,
  • and, "Yogurt, cereal, soup,
  • Sidney from Tinder, these are all the things I want to spoon."
  • And then, "My name's Sarah.
  • "Did you copy and paste that from a conversation you had
  • with a girl named Sidney and forget to change the name?"
  • "Well, this is awkward."
  • All right, here's a line no one would ever say in person.
  • "I heard you like whales,
  • so do you want to go humpback at my place?"
  • Come on, America, we can do better.
  • This next one starts off sweet,
  • It's, "Gosh, you are beautiful,
  • "but I'm not looking for anything,
  • Just trying to make friends."
  • "Well, thanks, and that's okay."
  • "I'm not looking for anything either.
  • "Just want to meet new people, and if it goes somewhere, cool.
  • If not, a new friend."
  • And then, "Sex?"
  • And then, sex?
  • All right, we have time for one more, right?
  • Mary? Andy? One more.
  • All right, this is, "Do you work at Subway?"
  • And then, "This better not be a footlong joke."
  • "Crap."
  • It was.
  • It was a footlong joke.
  • To see another 12 million examples
  • of what not to do on Tinder,
  • check out Tindernightmales-- nightmares
  • or you could join Tinder.
  • And now, here's a pick-up line that seems to work all the time.
  • It's, "Let's dance."

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Ellen found some hilariously terrible conversations on Tinder, and had to share them with her audience!