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They Do Not Like Him Anywhere: Trump Set to Speak at U.N. General Assembly

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Sep 23, 2019

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They Do Not Like Him Anywhere: Trump Set to Speak at U.N. General Assembly
They Do Not Like Him Anywhere: Trump Set to Speak at U.N. General Assembly thumb They Do Not Like Him Anywhere: Trump Set to Speak at U.N. General Assembly thumb They Do Not Like Him Anywhere: Trump Set to Speak at U.N. General Assembly thumb

Transcription

  • ( PIANO RIFF ) HELLO!
  • THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
  • VERY KIND!
  • HEY, EVERYBODY!
  • WELCOME ONE AND ALL, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TO "THE LATE SHOW."
  • I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.
  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
  • I'M EXCITED, TOO.
  • IT'S BEEN A VERY BIG WEEK HERE IN NEW YORK.
  • THE U.N. GENERAL ASSEMBLY IS IN TOWN.
  • LEADERS FROM ASIA, AFRICA, AND EUROPE HAVE COME TNEW YORK
  • CITY TO SEE ALL THE PEOPLE WHO USED TO LIVE IN THEIR COUNTRIES.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) PRESIDENT TRUMP IS HERE, TOO.
  • TO WELCOME HIM, NEW YORKERS HAVE SPENT THE LAST THREE YEARS
  • CROWBARRING HIS NAME OFF ALL THE BUILDINGS.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
  • ( PIANO RIFF ) TRUMP HAD A BUSY WEEKEND
  • PREPPING FOR THE U.N.-- ON FRIDAY AT THE WHITE HOUSE, HE
  • HOSTED A STATE DINNER FOR THE AUSTRALIAN PRIME MINISTER.
  • (AS TRUMP) "WE'VE GOT ALL YOUR NATIVE
  • DELICACIES: BLOOMIN' ONION, DIGIREE-DONUTS, AND KNIFE
  • THAT'S NOT A KNIFE BECAUSE IT'S SMALLER THAN OTHER KNIFE."
  • ( LAUGHTER ) THEN
  • ( PIANO RIFF ) -- ON SUNDAY, HE APPEARED
  • WITH INDIAN PRIME MINISTER NARENDRA MODI AT AN EVENT IN
  • TEXAS CALLED, AND THIS IS REAL, "HOWDY MODI!"
  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Jon: HOLY MOLY?
  • >> Stephen: ACTUAL NAME.
  • IT WAS EVEN MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN LAST YEAR'S EVENT FOR THE PRIME
  • MINISTER OF ISRAEL, THE FIRST ANNUAL NETAN-YEE-HAW!
  • ( LAUGHTER ) NETAN-YEE-HAW!
  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
  • BUT TOMORROW IS THE MAIN EVENT FOR THE PRESIDENT, HIS SPEECH TO
  • THE U.N. GENERAL ASSEMBLY.
  • ALWAYS A BIG DEAL.
  • LAST YEAR, HE SET A HIGH BAR.
  • IF YOU'LL RECALL, HIS WORDS BROUGHT JOY TO THE WHOLE
  • WORLD.
  • >> IN LESS THAN TWO YEARS, MY ADMINISTRATION HAS ACCOMPLISHED
  • MORE THAN ALMOST ANY ADMINISTRATION IN THE HISTORY OF
  • OUR COUNTRY.
  • AMERICA'S-- SO TRUE.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) DIDN'T EXPECT THAT REACTION, BUT
  • THAT'S OKAY.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: NOW, MR. PRESIDENT,
  • I WANT TO ASSURE YOU THAT THEY WEREN'T LAUGHING AT YOU.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) IT'S THE U.N., THEY WERE
  • LAUGHING "A TOI".
  • ( LAUGHTER ) "CE'ST UN IMBEÉCILLE MAGNIFIQUE!
  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
  • NOW, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TRUMP'S GOING TO SAY TOMORROW, BUT LAST
  • WEEK, HE GAVE US A PREVIEW.
  • NOW, BEFORE I TELL YOU WHAT HE SAID, KEEP IN MIND HE WAS
  • TALKING TO REPORTERS WHO WERE FINISHING THEIR DINNER ON AIR
  • FORCE ONE.
  • "WE'LL SAY THE UNITED STATES IS THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE
  • WORLD, IT'S NEVER BEEN STRONGER AND IT'S NEVER BEEN BETTER AND
  • THEY CERTAINLY HAVE ONE OF THE GREAT PRESIDENTS IN OUR HISTORY.
  • WE LOVE YOU GUYS.
  • HAVE A GOOD TIME.
  • DON'T EAT THAT CHOCOLATE CAKE, OKAY?
  • THEY DIDN'T GIVE ME CAKE LIKE THAT, PHIL.
  • I'LL GRAB THAT SUCKER RIGHT OFF YOUR PLATE."
  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WOW.
  • THAT REALLY TOOK A TURN. REMINDS ME OF F.D.R.'S FAMOUS SPEECH:
  • >> DECEMBER H, 1941, A DATE WHICH WILL LIVE IN INFAMY, THE
  • UNITED STATES OF AMERICA WAS SUDDENLY AND DELIBERATELY
  • ATTACKED-- DO I SMELL PIZZA?
  • YOU GUYS GOT PIZZA?
  • I DIDN'T GET PIZZA!
  • DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT EATING THE LAST SLICE, PHIL.
  • I'LL GRAB THAT SUCKER RIGHT OFF YOUR PLATE.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
  • >> Stephen: F.D.R.!
  • F.D.R.!
  • >> Jon: F.D.R.
  • F.D.R.
  • >> STEPHEN: MAYBE TRUMP WILL BE A BIGGER HIT WITH THE
  • FOREIGNERS, BECAUSE HE IS NOT WINNING ANY POPULARITY CONTESTS
  • HERE.
  • HIS APPROVAL RATING HAS NEVER RISEN ABOVE 50%, AND HE'S
  • UNDERWATER WITH WOMEN, HISPANICS, AFRICAN AMERICANS, IN
  • THE SUBURB IN THE CITIES, IN A BOX, WITH A FOX, IN A HOUSE,
  • WITH A MOUSE, THEY DO NOT LIKE HIM HERE OR THERE, THEY DO NOT
  • LIKE HIM ANYWHERE.
  • THEY DO NOT LIKE THE ORANGE MAN.
  • THEY MISS THE GUY WHO SAID "YES WE CAN."
  • ( LAUGHTER ) IF TRUMP MANAGES TO PINCH OUT A
  • WIN THIS TIME, WE KNOW WHICH MUSIC HE'LL PUT ON TO CELEBRATE,
  • ELTON JOHN.
  • APPARENTLY, TRUMP IS A BIG FAN OF SIR ELTON, BUT THE FEELING
  • ISN'T MUTUAL.
  • WHEN ASKED TO PLAY TRUMP'S INAUGURATION, ELTON SAID NO.
  • HE EXPLAINED, "I DON'T REALLY WANT MY MUSIC TO BE INVOLVED
  • IN ANYTHING TO DO WITH AN AMERICAN ELECTION CAMPAIGN, I'M
  • BRITISH.
  • IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL, TRUMP'S POLITICAL VIEWS ARE HIS OWN,
  • MINE ARE VERY DIFFERENT, I'M NOT A REPUBLICAN IN A MILLION
  • YEARS."
  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
  • MM-HMM MM-HMM.
  • NOT A REPUBLICAN.
  • >> Jon: HE'S SAYING WHAT HE'S GOT TO SAY.
  • >> Stephen: NOT A REPUBLICAN IN A MILLION YEARS.
  • (AS TRUMP) "SO YOU'RE SAYING THERE'S A
  • CHANCE.
  • SEE YOU IN A MILLION YEARS, ROBO-ELTON.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) SINCE THAT SNUB, TRUMP HAS BEEN
  • OBSESSED WITH SHOWING ELTON JOHN JUST HOW POPULAR HE IS.
  • ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS, AFTER RALLIES, TRUMP BRAGGED ABOUT HIS
  • CROWDS, SAYING HE HAD "BROKEN ELTON JOHN RECORDS."
  • EXPLAINS WHY TRUMP HAS BEEN SHOWING UP AT RALLIES DRESD
  • LIKE THIS.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF )
  • LOOKS GOOD.
  • LOOKS GOOD.
  • TRUMP IS SO OBSESSED WITH ELTON JOHN THAT HE MADE HIM PART OF
  • FOREIGN POLICY.
  • HE NICKNAMED KIM JONG UN "LITTLE ROCKET MAN," AND EVEN SENT
  • SECRETARY OF STATE MIKE POMPEO TO A MEETING WITH KIM BEARING AN
  • ELTON JOHN RECORD.
  • AND KIM JONG UN GAVE HIM A COPY OF NORTH KOREA'S MOST POPULAR
  • ALBUM, "NOW THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE ORDERED BY OUR GLORIOUS LEADER
  • TO CALL MUSIC, VOLUME 108!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
  • EXCELLENT, LOOKS LIKE LADY.
  • >> Jon: THAT WAS A HIT.
  • ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: APPARENTLY KIM
  • JONG UN WAS NONE TOO PLEASED WI HIS NEW
  • NICKNAME.
  • TRUMP SAYS THAT AT THEIR SUMMIT, HE COMPLAINED ABOUT BEING CALLED
  • "LITTLE ROCKET MAN."
  • TO WHICH TRUMP REPLIED "DON'T YOU KNOW ELTON JOHN?
  • IT'S A GREAT SONG."
  • SO KIM SAID, "BUT YOU CALLED ME 'LITTLE.'"
  • THEN COMES WHAT BUZZFEED DESCRIBES AS TRUMP'S PUNCHLINE:
  • "THAT'S WHAT HE DIDN'T LIKE!" THAT'S TRUMP'S SENSE OF HUMOR IN
  • A NUTSHELL.
  • (AS TRUMP) "WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE
  • ROAD?
  • BECAUSE YOU ARE A FAT, TINY PERSON."
  • ( LAUGHTER ) TONIGHT, I HAVE A HIGH LEVEL
  • SUMMIT WITH ANOTHER BRITISH MUSIC LEGEND, SIR PAUL
  • MCCARTNEY.
  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU.
  • THANK YOU.
  • RIGHT OVER THERE.
  • SIR PAUL.
  • >> Jon: RIGHT OVER THERE?
  • >> Stephen: THE WALRUS HIMSELF.
  • THE WALRUS HIMSELF.
  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) PAUL McCARTNEY.
  • I GOT CHILLS.
  • I GOT CHILLS.
  • OF COURSE, THE FAB FOUR MADE THEIR AMERICAN TELEVISION DEBUT
  • RIGHT HERE ON THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER STAGE, 55 YEARS AGO.
  • AND TONIGHT HE'S BACK BECAUSE HE LEFT HIS IPHONE IN THE
  • GREENROOM.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) SIR PAUL IS STILL MAKING GREAT
  • MUSIC, LIKE HIS LATEST ALBUM, "EGYPT STATION," AVAILABLE IN
  • THIS STEAMER TRUNK.
  • THIS THING HAS INSIDE OF IT THE VINYL -- WHAT ELSE IS IN HERE?
  • THE VINYL, RARE PERFORMANCE FOOTAGE, LITHOGRAPHS
  • OF SOME OF SIR PAUL'S PAINTINGS, I'M GOING TO SAY
  • A CURSED MONKEY'S PAW, THE A COUPLE INFINITY STONES AND I
  • THINK RINGO'S IN THERE, TOO.
  • PUNCH A COUPLE OF AIR HOLES IN THAT.
  • THAT'S LIKELY HEAVY.
  • ( APPLAUSE ) ON THIS ALBUM, MCCARTNEY HAS A
  • SONG ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING CALLED "DESPITE REPEATED WARNINGS,"
  • ABOUT A MAD CAPTAIN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO LOGIC OR REASON.
  • WHEN ASKED WHO IT'S ABOUT, SIR PAUL CAME CLEAN,"WEL I MEAN
  • OBVIOUSLY IT'S TRUMP."
  • ( LAUGHTER ) PLAYS
  • ( APPLAUSE ) ( APPLAUSE )
  • IT'S ABOUT TRUMP?
  • COULD BE, COULD BE.
  • THAT'S NOT HIS FIRST SONG ABOUT TRUMP.
  • I'M PRETTY SURE TRUMP IS ELEANOR RIGBY, BECAUSE HE'S WEARING A
  • FACE THAT HE KEEPS IN A JAR BY THE DOOR.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
  • TONIGHT.

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Description

The President is set to return to the site of his contentious 2018 speech at the United Nations and faced an even-more-skeptical audience after a year spent antagonizing foes and allies alike.

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