The Absolute Worst Movies Of 2018

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14:45   |   Jan 03, 2019


The Absolute Worst Movies Of 2018
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  • In 2018, these are the films that got our butts in the seats - and then sent us home
  • with our wallets empty, and our hearts unfulfilled.
  • These films were the worst of 2018.
  • There may not be a major Hollywood film with worse timing than Death Wish, a remake of
  • the classic 1974 Charles Bronson film.
  • The 2018 version features Bruce Willis as an everyday Joe who takes up arms to clean
  • up the streets of Chicago after his daughter is assaulted and his wife is murdered by thugs.
  • The notorious Eli Roth delivered a picture that landed squarely in the middle of the
  • real-life debate over guns in America - and suffered immensely for it.
  • Critics took note of the film's poor timing, having already been pushed back from a fall
  • 2017 release after the Las Vegas mass shooting that claimed 58 lives.
  • But all that aside, the potentially nasty fun of a revenge flick simply failed to materialize
  • nearly as well as the Bronson original.
  • "I never thought about it that way.
  • It could be true.”
  • Part of the most ridiculously popular multimedia property to ever come from the world of Twilight
  • fan fiction, the third installment in the Fifty Shades series finalizes a franchise
  • that never found critical acclaim, despite posting insane box office numbers.
  • Freed's critics didn't hold back even a little.
  • The famously colorful Rex Reed said it was
  • "[...] grotesquely mindless and inescapably boring, [while it] continues to ignore motivation,
  • character development, logic, and narrative cohesion."
  • Reed gave the movie one star, but it was apparently earned by the movie's furniture.
  • The few positive reviews tended to highlight its merits as unintentional satire, rather
  • than any redeeming qualities it might otherwise have had.
  • But there is one great thing about Fifty Shades Freed: it marks the end of the series.
  • "You know that, don't you?"
  • Expectations were sky high for director Ava DuVernay's adaptation of the classic 1962
  • young adult novel A Wrinkle in Time.
  • With an amazing cast attached, the film looked to be another winner for Disney - but unfortunately,
  • it fell surprisingly flat with critics, and posted flat box office receipts to match.
  • Negative reviews focused on the disappointment sure to be felt by fans of the novel, as the
  • adaptation didn't match the source material's tone.
  • Splice Today's Stephen Silver argued,
  • "It's based on one of those novels that's long been described as un-adaptable, only
  • to result in a movie that proved such naysayers right."
  • Cinefiloz called it,
  • "[...] a film that does not stop feeling generic."
  • “You're kidding.”
  • “Do I look like I’m kidding?”
  • “A little.”
  • “I'm not.”
  • “I'm not.”
  • It seems that it wasn't just one thing that went wrong, but if DuVernay's stellar past
  • work is any indication, she should bounce back quickly.
  • It's hard to deny that Amy Schumer has had a hard time hitting her stride with her film
  • projects, aside from her promising 2015 debut in the Judd Apatow-directed Trainwreck.
  • This year's I Feel Pretty - in which Schumer is an average-sized woman who awakens from
  • an accident believing she's a supermodel - seemed to sport the perfect premise for Schumer's
  • brand of comedy.
  • But it largely turned out to be a swing and a miss.
  • The New Yorker proclaimed that the film essentially wasted its entire cast from Schumer to Naomi
  • Campbell, Michelle Williams and veteran actress Lauren Hutton, and went on to call it,
  • "[...] a painful, unaware condescension masquerading as encouragement."
  • "I wanna punch you right in your dumb face right now."
  • Most other critics were no kinder, agreeing that the movie felt pandering and insincere,
  • and that the comedic moments were just plain tone-deaf.
  • Perhaps Apatow, the only director who's proven himself capable of successfully harnessing
  • Schumer's vibe on the big screen, should give her a call, because the response to I Feel
  • Pretty has been nothing short of ugly.
  • Based on the dangerously irresponsible real-life Action Park and featuring Johnny Knoxville
  • and his usual roundup of friends, the movie Action Point seemed like sure-fire comedy
  • gold.
  • Tailor-made for Jackass-like stunts, the movie was the perfect framing device for humiliating
  • pratfalls and bodily injury - but it arrived in theaters only to fall right on its face.
  • Many critics found Action Point to be way too soft and safe, complaining that the whole
  • thing was unworthy of its death-defying inspiration.
  • Reno News and Review critic Bob Grimm, who survived the actual Action Park as a child,
  • called it
  • "[...] basically an insult to the legend of Action Park - or Death Park, as we liked to
  • call it."
  • It's a rare case of the Jackass crew not going far enough.
  • They've all been in the business of abusing themselves for the better part of two decades,
  • so here's hoping they can give us at least one more stellar outing without killing themselves.
  • “Dammit!
  • Ow!”
  • Fans could be forgiven for approaching Slender Man with a healthy amount of trepidation.
  • Plot details had been kept tightly under wraps during the film's production, and when the
  • film hit theaters, it became clear why we hadn't heard much.
  • What little plot there was in Slender Man, just seemed way too thin.
  • Critics flogged the picture for its non-existent story and lack of any genuine scares.
  • Cinema Crazed nailed down all the film's problems with one sentence:
  • "Deep down beats the heart of a great horror movie, but it's lost in cheap jump scares,
  • bad CGI, and heavy cribbing from Nightmare on Elm Street and The Ring."
  • More than one reviewer noted the film's proximity to the real-life, recent Slender Man stabbing,
  • with some even making the case that the film exploits the tragedy - but at the end of the
  • day, Slender Man's worst crime was just being boring.
  • The Happytime Murders seemed like it had an inspired comedic premise.
  • As a sort of mashup between Sesame Street-gone-wrong and Who Framed Roger Rabbit, the film stars
  • Melissa McCarthy as a human police detective in a world where people co-exist with living
  • puppets.
  • She and her puppet partner are tasked with getting to the bottom of a series of murders.
  • It's a premise with the potential to be a raunchy, edgy comedy.
  • Unfortunately, the film failed to deliver the laughs.
  • The always-blunt Peter Travers of Rolling Stone called it,
  • "A toxic botch job [which] deserves an early death by box office."
  • Sarah Marrs of Lainey Gossip called it,
  • "Too boring and mediocre to be the worst movie ever made."
  • "Well, f--k me!"
  • "Maybe!
  • Hahahaha!”
  • Puppet-based raunchy humor isn't impossible, but this film just couldn't crack the code
  • - and also managed to deliver yet another starring vehicle unworthy of McCarthy's talents.
  • The films of the Conjuring universe have never done anything less than gangbusters at the
  • box office, even when nabbing mixed critical reviews.
  • Since the first appearance of the demonic nun Valak in The Conjuring 2, fans have been
  • clamoring for a film centered on the terrifying figure - but her starring turn has unfortunately
  • put the filmmakers in need of paying penance.
  • While critics generally considered the film to be technically well-acted and well-made,
  • nothing could save it from giant gaps in logic and a meandering narrative structure.
  • Many observers also took the film to task for it heavy reliance on cliche.
  • Said the Seattle Times' Soren Andersen,
  • "Entombed the audience is [...] in horror-movie cliches.
  • [...] The moments don't build to any sort of sustained narrative momentum.
  • [...] It's so choppy and predictable that it becomes laughable."
  • Despite all that, another hugely profitable sequel is probably in the works right now,
  • maybe with a scarier story to tell.
  • Fans of sci-fi '80s monster action were psyched about the announcement of Shane Black's suburbia-set
  • The Predator.
  • Black's action bonafides have never been in question, the trailers looked fresh and funny,
  • and it seemed highly unlikely that anyone would drop the ball.
  • Sure, Black is incapable of making a bad looking film, and he didn't disappoint here.
  • But even his gifts couldn't overcome a surprisingly bland script and undisciplined plotting.
  • Brandon Katz of The Observer called it,
  • "[...] a thorough grab bag of averageness, made worse by its distinct lack of distinction."
  • "Come and get us, mother f---ker."
  • His peers, on the other hand, focused on the film's over-reliance on zippy one-liners and
  • emulating '80s B-movies in the worst possible ways.
  • It added up to a shocking miss from a filmmaker who seemed to have it all together.
  • Clint Eastwood has a pretty good track record as a director, and an even better one as a
  • director of historical dramas, so expectations were high for The 15:17 to Paris: the true
  • story of a trio of American soldiers who thwarted a terrorist attack on a train while traveling
  • in Europe.
  • The actual soldiers involved in the incident were even recruited to play themselves in
  • the movie.
  • Unfortunately, real-life heroes don't necessarily make good actors, according to critics.
  • The New Republic wrote about all three stars:
  • "[They're] all handsome but just appalling actors.
  • This disjuncture is impossible to forget while watching the film, and it's very uncomfortable."
  • Padding out a relatively brief incident to the length of a whole film resulted in two-thirds
  • of the film's run time devoted to tedious exposition.
  • While the centerpiece action sequence earned praise, everything surrounding it disappointed.
  • The 15:17 to Paris arrived at the station greeted by wildly indifferent audiences.
  • Forever My Girl is the story of a country music star who returns home for a funeral,
  • only to face the lost love he left behind.
  • If that description strikes as you overly familiar and formulaic, you're not alone.
  • Critics couldn't help but note that Forever failed even to clear the bar set by the wildly
  • popular weepers based on Nicholas Sparks novels.
  • "Not really my cup of tea.
  • No offense.”
  • “None taken."
  • The film seemed to bring out the snark in practically every critic who viewed it.
  • The San Francisco Chronicle got very specific:
  • "It's a poorly made film, with rough edits, distracting staging and plot contrivances
  • that can be predicted to the moment.
  • [...] There's an almost startling lack of chemistry between the leads [and it's] as
  • if every third scene was cut out randomly."
  • The picture only managed a $16 million haul during its theatrical run.
  • Winchester sounded like the kind of horror slam-dunk that comes along rarely: a supernatural
  • fright-fest based on the insanely spooky true story of Sarah Winchester, who built the mother
  • of all haunted houses.
  • Starring Helen Mirren in the title role, the stars were all aligned.
  • So how did it go so terribly wrong?
  • Critics agreed that it represented a forgettable whale of a missed opportunity.
  • Peter Travers of Rolling Stone heaped scorn all over the film, saying,
  • "It shouldn't happen to anyone, much less a Dame - not a movie of such barreling awfulness
  • as Winchester, which strands the great Helen Mirren in a gothic house of cards that collapses
  • on actors and audiences alike."
  • The film's writer/director duo, the Spierig brothers, were taken to task for choosing
  • jump scares over atmosphere, and one review went so far as to call Mirren's presence in
  • the film "inexplicable."
  • With Winchester, the Spierigs delivered arguably the most disappointing misfire of the year.
  • If this is your first time hearing of action/comedy Gringo, you're not alone.
  • The film flopped spectacularly, grossing only about $11 million worldwide despite an insanely
  • accomplished cast.
  • The story of a mild-mannered American who goes Breaking Bad on a trip south of the border
  • - the sophomore feature from veteran stunt coordinator Nash Edgerton - failed to score
  • with critics while general audiences were simply unaware of its existence.
  • Not that this was necessarily a bad thing: Rolling Stone's David Fear said
  • "It can't decide whether it wants to be magnificently toxic or merely mediocre.
  • […] This is a 'romp' that's keen on going nowhere… and sloooowly."
  • "What a f---king crybaby!"
  • Most of the critical venom was reserved for its unfunny, contrived mess of a screenplay,
  • on which the film's amazing cast was apparently completely wasted.
  • Director Robert Zemeckis has given us such beloved films as the Back to the Future series,
  • Forrest Gump, and Cast Away...
  • "hahahaha FIRE"
  • ...and his year-end release Welcome to Marwen had "prestige picture" written all over it.
  • It's a fictionalized account of the life and work of Mark Hogancamp, who builds a scale
  • model of a World War II-era Belgian town in his backyard.
  • Featuring Steve Carell in the lead, Zemeckis' film took a huge aesthetic gamble by being
  • set partially inside the fictional town.
  • Carell's performance drew fire for its lack of nuance, and Zemeckis took his share of
  • hits for offering one-dimensional female characters and failing to inject the story with genuine
  • emotion.
  • The CGI dolls left some viewers stranded in the uncanny valley, and though most critics
  • agreed the film was well-intentioned, it all added up to a titanic misfire.
  • The post-apocalyptic thriller Mortal Engines, based on the first of a series of young adult
  • novels, had been highly anticipated due to the involvement of producer Peter Jackson
  • and director Christian Rivers, a longtime Jackson associate.
  • In the movie's world, gigantic cities on wheels roam the landscape in search of resources.
  • While some critics praised the film's world-building, even the positive notices lamented its stitched-together,
  • derivative story and the critics that panned the film panned it extra hard.
  • The New York Post's Sarah Stewart called it, quote, "a wearying blast of CGI and genre-cribbing,"
  • which "[pillages] better movies for spare parts."
  • She also pointed out that even the soundtrack by Junkie XL is highly reminiscent of the
  • composer's work on Mad Max: Fury Road.
  • She wasn't the only observer to point out that Mortal Engines seemed to invite comparison
  • to that unassailable classic, although some were slightly more succinct.
  • Said Splice Today's Steven Silver:
  • "It's been a long time since Peter Jackson last made a good movie, and the dry spell
  • continues with Mortal Engines, which answers a burning question: What if Mad Max: Fury
  • Road had sucked?"
  • John C. Reilly and Will Ferrell can be a formidable comedic duo, as we've seen in multiple films.
  • Unfortunately, Holmes and Watson brought that streak to a screeching halt.
  • One of the worst-reviewed films of the year, Holmes and Watson literally saw audiences
  • walking out of the theater.
  • The vast majority of critics were none too pleased that they were professionally obligated
  • to sit through the whole thing.
  • "What have you done with Sherlock?”
  • “Why Watson.
  • I never left.”
  • “Ah!
  • Amazing!"
  • The problems permeated the production, from its terribly unfunny screenplay to its direction
  • and editing, which one reviewer called the worst of any film released in 2018.
  • The flick was lambasted for its lazy humor and for wasting the talents of Reilly, Ferrell,
  • and its entire supporting cast.
  • Here's hoping that Reilly and Ferrell can bounce back with a movie that audiences actually
  • want to spend their money on.
  • Better luck next year, Hollywood.

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In 2018, these are the films that got our butts in the seats - and then sent us home with our wallets empty, and our hearts unfulfilled. These films were the worst of 2018.

Death Wish | #
Fifty Shades Freed | #
A Wrinkle in Time | #
I Feel Pretty | #
Action Point | #
Slender Man | #
The Happytime Murders | #
The Nun | #
The Predator | #
The # to Paris | #
Forever My Girl | #
Winchester | #
Gringo | #
Welcome To Marwen | #
Mortal Engines | #
Holmes and Watson | #

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