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So You're Willing to Date a Magician - SNL

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05:40   |   Oct 06, 2018

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So You're Willing to Date a Magician - SNL
So You're Willing to Date a Magician - SNL thumb So You're Willing to Date a Magician - SNL thumb So You're Willing to Date a Magician - SNL thumb

Transcription

  • >>> WELCOME BACK TO "YOU'RE WILLING TO DATE A MAGICIAN."
  • WE HAVE FOUR BACHELOR MAGICIANS HOPING TO CAST A SPELL ON OUR
  • CONTESTANT, TRACY. TRACY, WHY DO YOU WANT TO DATE A
  • MUSICIAN? >> WELL, I JUST GOT OUT OF A 2
  • YEAR RELATIONSHIP WITH A DJ SO I'M NOT FEELING THAT PICKY.
  • >> WELL, THAT'S FINE. NOW LET'S MEET OUR FOUR SINGLE
  • MAGICIANS. >> MARCONIUS WILD, DIVIDING HIS
  • TIME BETWEEN NEVADA AND A PARCEL OF LAND OUTSIDE OF LAS VEGAS,
  • NEVADA.
  • >> TRACY, TONIGHT, I AM A KING. AND I AM HOPING THAT YOU WILL
  • BE, TRACY, CHECK YOUR POCKET. >> OH MY GOD, IT'S A QUEEN OF
  • HEARTS. YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO KEEP
  • THAT. >> I NEED THAT BACK, I
  • APPRECIATE IT. >> ALL RIGHT, THEN.
  • YES, NEXT IS HENRY VAN DAZZLE. >> HE CALLS HIMSELF AN ARTISAN
  • OF AMAZEMENT ON HIS LINKEDIN PAGE.
  • >> CHARMED, LADY. I SAID NO SHACKLES COULD HOLD ME
  • UNTIL I MET YOU. >> WHOA, THAT'S IMPRESSIVE,
  • RIGHT? >> YEAH, IT'S A COOL PARTY
  • TRICK. >> IF ONLY ONE COULD BE INVITED
  • TO A PARTY. >> OKAY, NEXT IS DANTE RAVEN.
  • >> DANTE DESCRIBED AS A BODY ENDURANCE ARTIST AND THE PRINCE
  • OF SELF-INFLICTED PAIN. >> HEY, TRACY.
  • I'M THE GUY FOR YOU. I ONCE HAD A BILLIARD BALL TO
  • IMPRESS VALDERRAMA BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME, I BETTER HOLD MY
  • TONGUE. >> PLEASE.
  • NO MORE. >> WHY, WHY?
  • SHE DON'T LIKE THAT, DANTE. THAT'S NOT MAGIC.
  • >> FINALLY, WE HAVE JUSTEN BIRD FROM THE BROTHER AND SISTER
  • TEAM, BYRDS OF PREY. FANS THEY THEIR ACTS VIOLATE THE
  • LAWS OF TIME AND SPACE. >> HA-HA.
  • INDEED. THOSE ARE ONLY SOME OF THE LAWS
  • MY SISTER AND I HAVE VIOLATED. >> YEAH, HE'S NICE BUT IT'S
  • WEIRD HIS SISTER IS ALWAYS WITH HIM.
  • >> DON'T WANT MY SISTER AROUND? I CAN EASILY MAKE HER DISAPPEAR.
  • VANESSA, VANESSA. OH.
  • I THOUGHT I LOST YOU. >> OKAY, TRACY, YOU ARE ASKED TO
  • GO ON A DATE WITH EACH OF OUR BACHELOR MAGICIANS.
  • LET'S START WITH MARCONIUS WILDE.
  • WHAT DID YOU DO WITH HIM? >> HE'S, HE TOOK ME TO A
  • BOOKSTORE WHERE WE BROWSED FOR THREE HOURS UNTIL HE
  • ACCIDENTALLY FOUND A BOOK HE WAS MENTIONED IN THE THANK YOUS.
  • >> IT'S AN INTRIGUING TITLE CALLED "HOUDINI'S MISTRESS."
  • CHECK YOUR POCKET, MICHELLE. >> YEAH, I NEED THAT BACK.
  • >> ALL RIGHT, THEN. LET'S GO TO HENRY VAN DAZZLE.
  • HOW'S YOUR DATE WITH HIM? >> A LITTLE WEIRD.
  • HE TOOK ME TO THIS BURLESQUE SHOW IN BROOKLYN.
  • >> THINKING MAN'S EROTICA. >> HE THOUGHT THAT MADE IT OKAY
  • AND I SAW HIS IDEA. HE'S 55.
  • >> THAT ID IS MERELY AN ILLUSION I USE TO GET SENIOR DISCOUNTS AT
  • DENNY'S. >> OKAY, DUDE.
  • LET'S GET OVER TO DANTE RAVEN. HOW DID THAT GO?
  • >> DANTE SAID HE WAS GOING TO TAKE ME ON A FREAKY JOURNEY
  • INSIDE THE MIND. WE ACTUALLY WENT TO A VERY
  • MODESTLY PRICED ITALIAN RESTAURANT.
  • >> NICE. >> LATER, WHEN THEY BROUGHT THE
  • CHECK, HE ASKED IF HE COULD PAY BY RUNNING A SEWING NEEDLE
  • THROUGH HIS TESTICLES. THEY SAID NO.
  • >> I DID IT ANYWAY, BEFORE I MASTERED MY PAIN.
  • >> NO, DANTE. NO.
  • HOW ABOUT JUSTIN BIRD? WHERE DID HE TAKE YOU?
  • >> WENT TO CHILE'S, WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE BUT HIS SISTER
  • KIND OF STARED AT ME THE WHOLE TIME.
  • KIND OF LIKE THAT. IT ALSO GOT AWKWARD WHEN OUR
  • WAITER CAME. >> WHY IS THAT?
  • >> BECAUSE IT WAS ME. WAITING TABLES IS MY SIDE
  • HUSTLE. >> IT'S HIS MAIN HUSTLE.
  • >> OKAY, TRACY, IF YOU'RE WILLING TO GO ON A MOONLIT
  • CRUISE WITH ONE OF THESE GUYS, WE'LL PAY FOR IT.
  • WHO WILL IT BE? MARCONIUS?
  • HENRY, DANTE OR JUSTIN? >> OH, MAN.
  • IT'S SO HARD TO PICK ONE. WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE TO PICK
  • NOBODY? >> WELL, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED
  • LAST WEEK SO LET'S DO IT AGAIN. WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'LL TELL
  • YOU. WHY, DANTE, WHY?
  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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Description

Tracy (Awkwafina), a contestant on a dating show, has to pick which obnoxious magician (Pete Davidson, Kenan Thompson, Mickey Day, Kyle Mooney) to go out on a second date with.

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