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Show Me Your Phone w/ Kim Kardashian West

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Sep 11, 2019

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Show Me Your Phone w/ Kim Kardashian West
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Transcription

  • -Here's how this is going to work.
  • You and I will take turns hitting this button here,
  • which will randomly select one of these icons on the board.
  • Each icon will reveal
  • something that you must share from your phone.
  • Neither of us know what any of these will say.
  • We're just -- We're told to bring our phones.
  • -Yep. -Okay,
  • and you're cool with this? -Yeah.
  • -Alright, I don't know
  • if I'm cool with it. -I think.
  • -Yeah, I know. I'm like, "Alright."
  • -I didn't even clean out my phone before.
  • -Me, neither. I have no idea.
  • But I have nothing really to clean out.
  • -Yeah, I honestly -- I don't, either.
  • -Yeah, alright. Alright, here we go.
  • Since you're my guest, you're up first.
  • When you're ready, hit that button.
  • -Okay.
  • [ Beeping ]
  • -Oh, okay, that's --
  • -Text message?
  • -Show us the last text between you and your spouse.
  • -Oh, my God!
  • [ Cheers and applause ]
  • -Come on. It's only the first round.
  • It's only the first round.
  • -Wait, no one can see my password.
  • -Oh, yeah, someone's gonna figure it out.
  • -I'm unlike my husband where I show my passwords when I...
  • -[ Laughs ] That was the best. -...I'm on TV.
  • -That was the best when he did that.
  • -Okay, okay. Last text message.
  • Last text message. -You and Kanye.
  • -Okay, okay, okay, okay.
  • You ready? It's fine. It's fine. It's so sweet.
  • Do I put it here? -Yeah.
  • [ Bang, bang ]
  • What? No. Your phone is locked.
  • -Aah! Wait, sorry.
  • [ Audience exclaims ]
  • -What was that one?
  • -No, I got a text and something from Kylie.
  • Hold -- Okay. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
  • I don't know what's going on. Sorry.
  • It popped up, and I tried to swipe up the text
  • and -- Okay.
  • -Alright, let's see it.
  • Here we go. Put it there and do not touch.
  • [ Bang, bang ] Your phone is now locked!
  • "West Lake -- The first ranch in our family.
  • 50 years from now, this will mean so much to us."
  • [ Audience "aww"s ]
  • -I told you, it's sweet.
  • -It is sweet. What is that? What is --
  • -Okay, so, he got a ranch in Wyoming.
  • -[ Gasps ] -And they're on the lake.
  • It has something that's called West Lake.
  • So he took a picture of it, and that's, like, a sign.
  • And he's so excited
  • to maybe be moving to Wyoming.
  • I don't know. I don't -- Well, not full-time.
  • [ Laughter ]
  • -Okay. Here we go. Alright, this is my turn here.
  • -Okay, okay.
  • -Let me hit the button here.
  • [ Beeping ] My last text from my wife,
  • what would that be?
  • -What? -Let the other person play
  • any of your voice memos.
  • -Do you do voice memos a lot?
  • -I do it too much, actually, yeah.
  • -Really?
  • -I'll wake up at like 3:00 in the morning
  • and just sing a song in my phone and think it's good.
  • -Yeah. -But they're mostly bad.
  • But don't --
  • Here. But just don't --
  • [ Laughter ]
  • -You know what I do on my voice memos?
  • I record, as I'm putting my kids to bed, I press "play,"
  • and I listen to their stories that they tell me for bed.
  • So one day -- I have them all from my nephew Mason
  • when I would babysit him.
  • And so I hear the cutest things that they say
  • that I'll play for them one day.
  • -That's a genius idea. That's -- -Yeah. Yeah.
  • -I meant to say that's what I do with my voice memos.
  • Alright, well, this is -- Pick a -- Pick a voice memo.
  • I don't know which one it's going to be. They're all --
  • -I think that -- -Okay, okay, okay, okay.
  • Whoa, you have so many. Okay.
  • I'll just play the first one. I don't know.
  • -Alright. -So I just --
  • -Put it on this guy. Lock it in.
  • -"I don't like this." That's what it's called.
  • [ Laughter ]
  • -It's a song called "I Don't Like This."
  • And it's -- -Okay, so I press that?
  • -Yeah. You press this, and it --
  • It's not ready yet, so you just know.
  • It's called --
  • ♪ No, I don't like this ♪
  • ♪ No, no ♪
  • ♪ No, I don't like this ♪
  • ♪ No, no ♪
  • ♪ Colonoscopy ♪
  • Colonoscopy. [ Laughter ]
  • ♪ See inside of me ♪
  • Sees inside of me. So it's a work in progress song
  • about getting checked and anyways -- Yeah.
  • [ Laughter and applause ]
  • It sounds like it's --
  • It sounds like it's a --
  • -Sounds like an old country folk song.
  • -Yeah, I wish it was louder. Sorry. Alright, let's move on.
  • Your turn. You hit that button. -Oh, okay.
  • [ Beeping ]
  • -Safari.
  • Show us your last Google search.
  • Do you know how to do that?
  • [ Laughter ]
  • -I don't --
  • [ Laughter ]
  • -You can't -- You can't --
  • -You could have warned me so I could, like...
  • -You can't delete this.
  • -...clear search history.
  • -Kim, it's almost time. Show us your phone.
  • -Oh, my God, you guys. This is so embarrassing.
  • -Come on. -Oh, my God. Do I have to?
  • -Come on. Just do it. Just do it.
  • -You're not going to understand.
  • -No, I could -- I can figure it out.
  • [ Bang, bang ]
  • Your phone is now locked.
  • "Is shapewear with pee hole better?"
  • [ Laughter ] [ Foghorn blows ]
  • -Okay, okay, okay.
  • -Wait, "is shapewear with pee hole better?"
  • -No, I just -- I just launched SKIMS.
  • And I've been debating if I need a pee hole
  • in certain of the things
  • or if -- 'Cause, like, I would --
  • Like, under a dress to, like, the Emmys or whatever,
  • I would, like, try to use the pee hole.
  • And then you pee all over yourself,
  • and it doesn't -- It doesn't work half the time anyway.
  • -I think you're the only person that Googled that at all.
  • -No, this is such a legit question.
  • So -- -Of course it's better, right?
  • What was the answer -- What came up?
  • -I mean, it's, like, mixed.
  • [ Laughter ]
  • -Okay, here we go. Alright. It's my move here.
  • Here we go.
  • Shapewear with a pee hole.
  • What if mine lands on "clock"? What happens with "clock"?
  • What time is it? -Ooh.
  • -What's your voicemail greeting when people call you?
  • -Ooh.
  • -It's normal, I think.
  • It's just me going, "I'm not here."
  • -I don't even have voicemail.
  • [ Laughter ]
  • That's, like, ancient.
  • Does anyone have a voicemail these days?
  • It's just like, "Text me." [ Audience exclaiming ]
  • -Are you serious? -Yes, just text or call back.
  • -But what if it goes to you?
  • Do I hear your voice going, "Hey, I don't do this."
  • -No. It's like -- [ Imitates failed call tone ]
  • Jimmy, show us your phone.
  • -Oh, yeah, here we go. So, this is it.
  • Here, this is --
  • This is my greeting that people hear when you call me.
  • [ Bang, bang ] -Okay.
  • -[ Beatboxing ]
  • -[ Rapping ] ♪ Leave a message at the beep ♪
  • ♪ Like an eagle grabs with the talons ♪
  • ♪ You're leaving a a message for Jimmy Fallon ♪
  • ♪ He's got various talents ♪
  • ♪ But listen, he's got lots of [bleep] to do ♪
  • ♪ So please respect the balance ♪
  • ♪ Leave a message at the sound of the tone ♪
  • ♪ This is Lin Miranda freestylin' on his phone ♪
  • ♪ He paid a lot of money for this, please be sweet ♪
  • ♪ And please leave a message at the sound of the beep ♪
  • -[ Imitates beep ] -Oh!
  • [ Cheers and applause ]
  • ♪♪
  • -I'm very proud of that. I don't get to hear that.
  • -That is very good.
  • -I don't get to hear that.
  • That's Lin-Manuel Miranda.
  • -Oh, no way.
  • -This is back when he was doing --
  • -Oh, wow. -Yeah, he did --
  • He did "Hamilton" over at The Public.
  • And I won some charity thing for that.
  • Thank you, Lin.
  • Okay, for our final round,
  • our friend Winnie Harlow is on the show.
  • And she heard we were playing this game.
  • She wanted to get in on the action.
  • She had an idea for something that we could do.
  • Please welcome Winnie Harlow, everybody.
  • [ Cheers and applause ]
  • ♪♪
  • Take it easy on me.
  • Take it easy on us, please. Oh, my God.
  • -Take it easy. -Take it easy on us, please.
  • Alright, Winnie, what do you have for us?
  • -Well, this last round is for both of you.
  • -Okay.
  • A challenge? -Are you guys ready?
  • -Yeah.
  • -Pick any photo from the other person's deleted folder
  • and post it to Instagram.
  • [ Audience groaning ]
  • -Wait, from deleted?
  • -Yep.
  • So you know it's going be bad,
  • 'cause it's in the deleted folder.
  • -I feel like I'm going to have much worse photos of my face...
  • [ Laughter ]
  • ...than you will. -Just don't scroll too much.
  • [ Laughter ]
  • Don't worry. -Alright.
  • -It's all good in here.
  • -Okay.
  • [ Laughter ]
  • That's not bad.
  • -Okay.
  • [ Laughter ]
  • -Wha-- What? You already found one?
  • You look great in all of these.
  • ♪♪
  • -Can I ask your opinion?
  • -Okay.
  • -Is that funny? Like, who takes pictures like this?
  • -That one, or that one.
  • [ Laughter ]
  • -What are you looking at?
  • -I like this one. -"Who takes pictures like this?"
  • -I think that's the best one.
  • -You look great in all of these. But where's --
  • Where is this? Where is this one?
  • Did you post this one?
  • -Oh, no, that's -- -Where are you,
  • in, like, a hotel or -- -No. That's in my closet.
  • And that's in a fitting wearing this outfit.
  • So there was a hundred of those,
  • because I was trying on -- -That's your closet?
  • -Yes. [ Laughter ]
  • -Yeah, your closet looks good. -I was trying on --
  • Don't go zoom in. -I zoomed in a little bit.
  • [ Laughter ]
  • -Don't go zooming in. -Alright.
  • -I have, like, no make-up on.
  • [ Laughter ] -But you still look gorgeous.
  • -Wait, I literally --
  • You might have a booger in your nose in this one.
  • [ Laughter ]
  • -I don't get boogers in my nose. That's not true.
  • [ Laughter ]
  • Okay.
  • -Okay. -I think I got yours.
  • I'm going to do this one of you.
  • -Okay. -Here we go.
  • [ Bang, bang ] Phone is locked in.
  • Can we see what you look like?
  • Like -- You look like you're -- [ Cheers and applause ]
  • That's the worst photo I could find.
  • Every one was gorgeous.
  • -See, it's the same outfit, though.
  • -That was like, "Hurry, I hate fittings.
  • I think we got it."
  • -Alright. Well, I'm going to post this.
  • -Okay. Post it to my stories.
  • -I think you got him, though.
  • -Okay. I got him beat.
  • Okay? He got a good photo.
  • -Let me see it.
  • [ Laughter ] [ Bang, bang ]
  • -And I already -- -Is that -- That's not --
  • I didn't know what I was doing.
  • -Guys. -I was trying to get --
  • There's not anything in there. -Is that booger in there?
  • -You're a liar. That is not at all.
  • That is actually real bad. [ Laughter ]
  • It's actually awful. Alright. So you're going to post that one.
  • -Should I say, like, "I hacked Jimmy's phone.
  • It's me"? -Yeah. Yes.
  • -Yeah, please do that. -Okay.
  • Wait, you don't follow me? Oh.
  • -Oh, my, God. That's not --
  • [ Audience groaning ]
  • No, that is so last year!
  • No one follows anyone anymore.
  • [ Foghorn blows ]
  • It's, like, up there with voicemail.
  • Are you kidding me? No, of course I follow you.
  • -I need an extra follower, so I'm taking that.
  • -My thanks to Kim Kardashian-West.
  • Winnie Harlow!

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Description

Jimmy and Kim Kardashian West face off in a game where they take turns being forced to randomly reveal things from their phone on the spot, like Kim's last text with Kanye and a potentially cringeworthy challenge from Winnie Harlow.

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Show Me Your Phone w/ Kim Kardashian West
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