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"Overbooking Business Class" - Trevor Noah - (Crazy Normal)

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Oct 10, 2019

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"Overbooking Business Class" - Trevor Noah - (Crazy Normal)
"Overbooking Business Class" - Trevor Noah - (Crazy Normal) thumb "Overbooking Business Class" - Trevor Noah - (Crazy Normal) thumb "Overbooking Business Class" - Trevor Noah - (Crazy Normal) thumb

Transcription

  • We've been traveling all around the country it's been so much fun you know
  • out in places like P.E
  • and Cape Town and East London
  • recently went to Durban
  • which was a bit of a shlep for us
  • it was really hard because it was raining so much
  • and then on top of the flight delays that you have to contest with
  • there's also like overbooking, which is a problem
  • I don’t know if you know what over booking is
  • but basically it's a legal process where
  • it's a practice rather
  • where airlines book more tickets than there are seats on the plane
  • so they book more, sort of like a Taxi
  • but then they don’t let you get on when you get there
  • so they just hope you don’t pitch up
  • like please, please, please, please
  • agh, his here.
  • you know, that's what they do
  • and so we are flying down to Durban, and it was the funniest thing ever
  • we are standing in the queue, everyone is all fidgety in the line
  • looking at their watches, and they call us forward
  • hey are like next, next please, next!
  • so we go to the counter and there's one of those woman there
  • with her glasses and relaxed hair going
  • *typing*
  • and she's like, "can I have ID's please?"
  • and you're like ID's, everyone puts them down
  • *Typing* "Where you flying?"
  • and we are like, Durban please.
  • She's like, "Durban" *Typing*
  • "Durban?"
  • Yes.
  • *Typing*
  • "are you flying now?"
  • No, tomorrow. This is a practice run.
  • are you flying?
  • We are like yes, we need to fly now
  • "Okay"
  • *Typing*
  • and then she starts typing frantically
  • *Typing Frantically*
  • Which I never understand, because when I book my tickets
  • all I need to do is click. It's click, click, click, click
  • Johan, okay that one. Click.
  • Ah, Durb. Ah, that one, click.
  • and then it does it all.
  • She's there *Typing Frantically*
  • I bet she wasn’t even busy doing our tickets anymore, she's just like there
  • clicking, she's probably on like Facebook or something
  • updating her status.
  • "Yo, another one, another one is here
  • I'm dead, dead, dead
  • dead, another one's here, dead, dead
  • Yo, overbooking, dead
  • Oh, poke back. Dead,
  • dead, dead, yo dead, death by overbooking, yo
  • because of their fop-ha
  • the airline was as kind as to upgrade us on the next flight to business class
  • They say, we are sorry about what happened
  • here you go, business class. I love business class, you know
  • you get to go to a special lounge where everyone's very "businessy"
  • No, it is because when you're in business class you hear
  • you overhear conversations and they sound totally different, you know
  • you overhear people saying things like
  • "Yes, well the mergers are coming along
  • I mean if you look at the companies that are"
  • you know, people walking around there
  • "Well, I mean if the numbers are right we'll definitely get that stock portfolio going"
  • just people walking there you know, like
  • No, I'm taking care of the situation to make sure the Shareholders are happy
  • and then we'll present to management and it's gonna be a installment of what we
  • You know you just hear like businessy kind of stuff
  • where as when you are in economy, it's just a huge group of people
  • you generally overhear conversations like, "I thought you put it in the bag!
  • you said you put it in the bag!
  • it was on the, I asked you to put, why is it not in the bag!"
  • oh, wow
  • and so we are going through the airport
  • and then we go through security, and I love security in South Africa
  • it's the most chilled out security you will find anywhere in the world
  • it is, like South African security is just like, you know
  • we work on a honesty system in this country, you know
  • the security guard, he is there to enforce
  • but it's more an honesty, look this is up to you
  • this is the honesty place, this is where we all admit to our sins
  • come forward, do you have anything to declare? it's that type of place
  • overseas when you come through customs, it's the craziest thing ever
  • you've got to take of everything, you got to take of your shoes
  • and you take off your belt, you know
  • you cant wear a jacket or a hoody or a cap or anything
  • you've got to take off your rings, nothing, nothing
  • or even coins in your pocket, even if you got a big filling
  • then you're in trouble, you know
  • then you're like, but it's my teeth
  • and they are like, you're gonna have to do something
  • you know, and then some people are like, "excuse me"
  • ha, ha, ha, ha
  • ah
  • where as in South Africa I sometimes feel like these security guards
  • don’t actually know what their equipment does
  • you know, they are very chilled out about it
  • because you'll walk through an airport security
  • and get there and the guy will be like
  • "go to number 4, number 4"
  • and you go through and you stand there
  • and the guy will be waiting, he'll give you that bucket and be like
  • "Hey, what's in the bag?"
  • Like what do you mean?
  • he's like, "Laptop?"
  • Yes.
  • "Out, out, take it out, laptop out, out
  • please put it by it's self, put there yeah. Any other laptop?"
  • You're like, no
  • "Laptop out!"
  • you're like okay, okay
  • what did you do?
  • okay, there it is
  • "okay"
  • and my gun?
  • "no, it's fine. Just the laptop"
  • "Watching you"
  • it's so much fun
  • when you walk through the metal detectors
  • which I swear either don’t work
  • or these people really don’t understand them at all
  • you walk through metal detectors
  • and it's not just at airports, no matter where they are in this country
  • you walk through a metal detector
  • casino, a school, Government institution
  • and you will walk in there and it will make that sound
  • but then I don’t know if they know what that means
  • because you walk through and it will be like *Metal detector beeping*
  • and you see how security guards smile
  • because they get ready, they are going to use the wand
  • they love the wand
  • you can see they wait the whole day.
  • "Yes, my time has arrived
  • Excalibur, I call apon you"
  • it’s like what the hell is going on?
  • "Yeah, just stand there, yeah"
  • He pulls out his wand, those black ones, he just pulls it out
  • *Light Sabre sound*
  • Okay it's not, I'm sorry
  • it doesn’t really do that, it would be cool if it did though
  • *Light Sabre sound*
  • although it would be weird, it would be weird
  • you know, for some guy from the township to have a light Sabre
  • *Light Sabre sound*
  • wouldn’t work at all though, it wouldn’t
  • it wouldn’t, it would be like Darthvader would be like "Bravida"
  • *Light sabre sound*
  • "Ah, bravida ______"
  • *Lightsabre sound*
  • it would have been the worst Star wars ever if it where in South Africa wouldn’t it
  • *Lightsabre sound*
  • like the critical point, the moment that made the movie
  • would never happen if it was in a township in South Africa
  • because which guy from the township would claim a child after that many years
  • The guy would be like *Lightsabre sound*
  • *Heavy breathing* "Luke"
  • "Yes, what is it?"
  • "No, look there. It's your father."
  • *Lightsabre sound*
  • *Laughter*
  • *Lightsabre sound*
  • but it wasn’t, sorry. I digress.
  • the wand, the wand, the wand
  • comes, I'm sorry
  • he comes out with the wand
  • and they always do that thing, they go around
  • and we don’t know what it's supposed to do or not, you know
  • *Beeping*
  • *Beeping*
  • *Beeping*
  • "any weapons?"
  • then what was that for?
  • even if I have something, I'm not gonna tell you now
  • obviously you have been defeated.
  • "Any weapons?" No.
  • "Okay"
  • and that's it
  • we like work on a honesty system in this country
  • everywhere you go
  • like I would like to meet the genius who invented the honesty book
  • Ah yes, the honesty book
  • yes, the book of truth. No one can lie when they write in this book
  • whenever you visit someone at a townhouse
  • or an office complex, we have the book of truth
  • fill in the book before you enter
  • Name, ah yes
  • surname, hm
  • phone number and adress
  • Reason for visit, Pvt.
  • We'll just do that, look at everybody else
  • Pvt, Pvt, Pvt, Pvt, Pvt
  • Pvt.
  • and once I asked the security guard, what is the point of this?
  • why am I filling in this book?
  • He's like, "No, it's for security reasons"
  • I said I figured that much, but what is it about?
  • He's like, "it's so that if you can do anything bad inside there
  • if maybe you can steal or kill someone
  • then we can find you."
  • Ah, of course
  • because I wrote my real name and surname
  • the honest killer strikes again!
  • it's just ridiculous
  • I was like okay, I kill someone and what are you gonna do?
  • He's like, "then you see there, we can phone you and tell you to come back"
  • "Yeah"
  • "Same time"

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