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New Rule: Washington D-List | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO)

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Mar 23, 2018

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New Rule: Washington D-List | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO)
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Transcription

  • And finally, new rule:
  • Republicans have to stop pretending they hate it
  • when celebrities give their political opinions.
  • Please, you're the party that made Reagan president!
  • (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
  • It's...
  • It's not our fault that your celebrities
  • are Ted Nugent, Pat Sajak and Donald Trump.
  • (LAUGHTER)
  • James Woods? His last credit was on a Mastercard bill.
  • (AUDIENCE GASPING)
  • (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
  • Scott Baio? The only thing he's been in recently
  • that made headlines was his co-star.
  • (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
  • Antonio Sabàto Jr. was an underwear model
  • who all the other underwear models referred to as "the dumb one."
  • (LAUGHTER)
  • And after he spoke at the last republican convention,
  • he claimed he was blacklisted in Hollywood.
  • Blacklisted? Blacklist would be an upgrade.
  • (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
  • He wasn't on any list. He'd be lucky to get on a "Do not call" list.
  • (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
  • You'd have to run him into show business.
  • (LAUGHTER)
  • And he's running for congress now,
  • as is clueless actress Stacey Dash...
  • who was also in the movie Clueless.
  • (LAUGHTER)
  • At Obama's inaugural gala, he had
  • Beyoncé, Springsteen, Sheryl Crow, Bon Jovi, Mellencamp, Usher,
  • Stevie Wonder, Garth Brooks, Tom Hanks, Denzel and U2.
  • Trump's inauguration... had Jackie Evancho
  • and the rock band Three Doors Down.
  • (LAUGHTER)
  • As in, three doors down from fame.
  • (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
  • And then there's Dana Loesch, who America has come to know as the fiery voice of the NRA,
  • blaming gun violence and all our problems on Hollywood and its liberalism.
  • They use their movie stars, and singers, and comedy shows,
  • and award shows to repeat their narrative over and over again.
  • Fight this violence of lies with the clenched fist of truth.
  • (LAUGHTER)
  • Yes, yes, I know what you're thinking. "Who hurt you, Danica Patrick?"
  • (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
  • What you may not... (LAUGHS)
  • ...know about Dana Loesch is that before her job as NRA spokesmodel,
  • she was a show business wannabe, a homemaker in St. Louis with a mommy blog,
  • and a radio show, and dreams of TV stardom.
  • NCIS producer Paul Guyot says that ten years ago, Dana pitched him a sitcom
  • starring herself as, quote, "a hot, young mom who does a far-right radio show."
  • Think Frasier meets awful.
  • (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
  • And you know what? If only they had made that sitcom,
  • today, she might be a completely normal person.
  • (LAUGHTER)
  • Instead, we're all getting the "clenched fist of truth,"
  • because show business gave her the raised finger of "fuck off."
  • (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
  • The same thing happened to both the founder of the right-wing Breitbart website,
  • Andrew Breitbart, who admits he came to Hollywood "with the hope
  • that I'd eventually become a comedy writer,"
  • and to his successor there, Steve Bannon,
  • also a showbiz reject who didn't have the talent to cut it here,
  • and so spent the rest of his life hating Hollywood and, by extension, all liberals.
  • In his memoir, Breitbart mentions Reagan six times,
  • -and me 34 times. -(LAUGHTER)
  • True. He called celebrities
  • "elitist pestilence, with their cocktail parties on the West Side."
  • "God, I fucking hate them," he said.
  • Which is funny, because, you know, for years,
  • you know who I'd always see at cocktail parties on the West Side?
  • Andrew Breitbart.
  • (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
  • Oh, he...
  • He hated Hollywood. Hated it, hated it, hated it!
  • Mostly from his home in America's heartland, Brentwood.
  • (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
  • As for Bannon, George Clooney remembers him as, quote,
  • -"a schmuck who--" (LAUGHS) -(LAUGHTER)
  • "...who literally tried everything he could to sell scripts."
  • Including, this is true, a rap musical of Shakespeare's Coriolanus.
  • Think Hamilton, but instead of Founding Fathers, Romans,
  • and instead of cultural phenomenon, piece of shit.
  • (LAUGHTER)
  • Bannon lost his shirt on that deal,
  • but luckily, he was wearing three more. But--
  • (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
  • But trust me, if Bannon could've sold a screenplay, or Breitbart, a sitcom,
  • they wouldn't have ended up ranting and raving
  • about cocktail parties on the West Side. They'd be attending them
  • and, in Bannon's case, finishing the drinks people left on the table.
  • (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
  • -Including the ones with a cigarette in them. And so-- -(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)
  • That is why I implore, tonight, all Hollywood execs:
  • next time a conservative comes to you
  • with a really dumb idea for a movie or a TV show, just fucking do it.
  • (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
  • We... (LAUGHS)
  • We need affirmative action for Republicans in show business.
  • They're not good enough to make it on their own,
  • but if we give them a leg up, maybe they won't
  • take their rejection out on the whole country. Huh, people?

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In his editorial New Rule, Bill argues that many conservative celebrities only entered politics after failing in Hollywood.

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