Neighbours [Part 2]

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09:12   |   Nov 30, 2017


Neighbours [Part 2]
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  • Okay, here's part two.
  • Every now and then we would get unexpected knocks at our door. Are we expecting guests?
  • No.
  • are we expecting a package delivery?
  • No.
  • And door to door didn't seem like a common thing in our building because we were in a private condo complex.
  • So as a newcomer to our home, I carelessly opened the door for those people.
  • "Hello?"
  • "Yeah, hi. Uh... Is this 2506?"
  • "No, this is 2505."
  • "Oh, uh... sorry...
  • Oh! It's this one! Heheh!"
  • I guess it was an honest mistake.
  • I mean, our number plates were pretty close to each other
  • and I would have let it go if it didn't happen again.
  • "Hello. Is this 2506?"
  • "No."
  • And again...
  • "Uh, hi"
  • "Are you looking for 2506?"
  • "Oh, yes! I am."
  • "Well, this isn't it."
  • And again.
  • "Hey!"
  • "This is 2505."
  • Oh, sorry.
  • So at this point I thought,
  • "man, our neighbor must be pretty popular to having this many guests this often."
  • thought my naive mind.
  • When I thought that maybe our number plates were just oriented badly,
  • I realized I was giving these people too much credit.
  • I mean, it's pretty obvious which one corresponds to which door,
  • like, if this—if they thought this was mine, what did they think this number was?
  • Come on. How unusual was it for someone to continuously have guests
  • but not have any of them returned for another visit?
  • because surely if they made the mistake of confusing the address once,
  • they wouldn't do it again, right?
  • Eventually, we stopped opening the door for these people.
  • If we didn't recognize them, we continued to peek and observe
  • As we predicted, after knocking on our door and receiving no answer
  • they would realize their mistake and knock on the correct door.
  • Or they would text or call someone on their phone while pacing back and forth in the hallway
  • until lo and behold, our very popular neighbor opens their door and reels them in.
  • And they were always welcomed with something overly comforting like,
  • "Hey honey"
  • or
  • "Hey baby"
  • like, what? That's that's not how you greet normal guests.
  • It started getting bad when some of them stopped knocking
  • and just independently opened our door.
  • One day, we were changing the light bulbs in our living room
  • and the one time we forgot to lock the door,
  • one of them literally walked in.
  • I don't mean to generalize what he looked like,
  • but he looked to be in the same...
  • demographic of our neighbor's usual guest list.
  • He took a few steps in and I could tell by his expression and hesitance to proceed,
  • that he did not know where the hell he was.
  • I immediately unwelcomed him with
  • "Wrong place!"
  • and he turned around and left without a word.
  • On another occasion when I was expecting a package,
  • we opened the door to what we thought was the delivery service.
  • We discovered he neither had a package nor was a delivery service.
  • Well, he did have a package that he intended to deliver, if you know what I mean.
  • But we did not want to be at the receiving end of that.
  • We neither greeted him nor told him to come in,
  • and he just walks in anyway with such confidence that he was at the right place
  • Almost made it to the living room before we had to go bouncer mode and kick him out.
  • And recently, if you guys follow me on Twitter,
  • *cough*
  • OmNomDomz
  • *cough*
  • I archived what was probably the creepiest encounter yet.
  • One morning I was woken up by Nala's growling
  • and the only reason she gets defensive is when she detects a stranger in the house.
  • I thought that it might have been one of my roommate's friends,
  • but I didn't hear anyone talking in the living room.
  • So I opened my bedroom door and peeked out to see
  • that my roommate was still sleeping on the couch.
  • "Nala, there's no one there."
  • *barks*
  • I step out of my room and see a woman sitting on our chair like she's waiting for something.
  • She immediately stands up in a panic.
  • "Uh, this isn't 2506, is it?"
  • "No, who the hell are you?"
  • "Oh, I'm so sorry."
  • And then she leaves.
  • I later found out that my other roommate lost his keys the previous night
  • and couldn't lock the door when he left for work that morning.
  • Which left us susceptible to potential serial killers,
  • or in this case, a neighbour's client
  • We... we probably could have been murdered in our sleep, huh.
  • But way before this incident, we came to a conclusion
  • that our neighbor
  • was a prostitute.
  • And we speculated that that woman might have been a new recruit
  • because she was holding some papers that we assumed to be, like,
  • an application form or something?
  • I don't know,
  • I don't know how this works, okay?
  • But yeah, my neighbor's a prostie.
  • It was too obvious; all the clues pointed to it.
  • It couldn't have been anything else.
  • At first I really tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, like,
  • oh, maybe she teaches piano or something.
  • But then, why were all her students grimy-looking middle-aged men?
  • It started becoming a game at that point where we would try to guess if someone in our building
  • was there to "deliver a package"
  • and we were usually right.
  • If I come across a fella waiting for the elevator
  • and he had trouble looking for the ground floor button,
  • and they do that finger helicopter thing when they're trying to decide,
  • it was safe to assume that he didn't live there.
  • One time when they got off the elevator I muttered,
  • "Hope you had fun"
  • as I continue down into the parking garage.
  • Oh, the fear in their face—
  • it was priceless.
  • And another incident, I was waiting for the elevator so I could take Nala out for a walk.
  • When the elevator door opened, a dude walked out and jumped back into panic after he saw Nala.
  • He asked,
  • "I-Is it safe?"
  • as he pointed at my dog.
  • What the hell? Of course she's safe.
  • She's a 15-pound dog on a leash
  • and she wasn't even barking at him.
  • Like dude, chill.
  • I nodded, but I don't think that was enough to convince him that he was safe
  • because he decided to hug the wall like he was trying to fuse with it
  • in order to safely get around Nala
  • and go to his "piano lessons".
  • I swear after he left, Nala gave me this look as if to say,
  • "What the fuck is wrong with him?"
  • Although we had our speculations, we never exactly had hard evidence
  • as to what our neighbor's true profession was.
  • Until we decided to Google search our building address accompanied with the word,
  • "Escort".
  • We had our proof.
  • They had a website, and while I won't be providing the URL for obvious reasons.
  • I hope you'll trust me when I say that there is an empire of escorts in my city!
  • There are hundreds of locations around, and as it turns out,
  • there was actually another unit in my building that provided the same services!
  • My city is tainted.
  • And I'm not an expert on this topic
  • but I don't think "escort" is the right term for their business.
  • They don't leave their suite.
  • There is no escorting.
  • One time a client was in and out in the 20 minutes that I walked my dog.
  • I've actually ran into my neighbor on several occasions as I caught her either exiting or entering her suite.
  • And she seemed to be on edge every time we bumped into each other.
  • There's not really much we can do about the situation.
  • We looked up the laws and apparently in Canada
  • it's legal to sell sexual services, but illegal to purchase them.
  • I guess it made sense for the clients to be really cautious,
  • which made things more entertaining when we messed with them.
  • One time my roommate was on his way back from work
  • and caught a client waiting by the door.
  • He pretended to be locked out and just sat down beside him to observe.
  • Eventually the client got too nervous and left.
  • I mean, if you're not gonna give your clients the correct directions to your place,
  • then I feel like we reserve the right to deal with them how we please.
  • And I know that they know that they keep accidentally going to our door.
  • I might just consider letting them in and charge them a fee for being a waiting-room.
  • It's a shame though.
  • I could have had really convenient access to piano lessons.
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  • will have the opportunity to do so on the big screen.
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