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My Poetry Teacher

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08:20   |   May 29, 2017

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My Poetry Teacher
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  • Ummmm.. I'll take school facts for $800, Alex.
  • [Reads text on clue]
  • Oh.
  • Oh, man.
  • What is...
  • poetry?
  • I'm sorry Jeff,
  • but the correct answer is all of them.
  • They're all useless.
  • In my first video, I didn't have enough time to say this,
  • but I HATE it when people are "cool" with their teachers.
  • I understand that some teachers are more laid-back than others,
  • and sometimes they'll ask the class;
  • "So, how was everyone's weekend?"
  • Then if you want to talk about something, or have important news, then you can share it.
  • "My dog died!"
  • Hahaha, yeah, they do that.
  • But there is a line, and you shouldn't cross it.
  • Don't talk to your teacher just to talk to them during class.
  • I don't know how much of a problem this is in other places of the world,
  • but sometimes there would be kids in my class that would say,
  • "Hey, Susan! How was your daughter's dance recital? Did you remember all of her moves?"
  • "I saw the video you posted on Facebook,
  • It looked like she was having a fun time."
  • Stop it. Stop it! STOP IT!!!
  • Maybe I wouldn't have been a good teacher.
  • Before I tell you about my poetry teacher,
  • I need to tell you about the preparatory school I went to, so you can better understand where I'm coming from.
  • So I went to a preparatory school in ninth grade, and-
  • first off, what is a preparatory school?
  • Google says its "A private school that prepares students for college."
  • Now hearing that definition you might think,
  • wait, don't all schools prepare students for college?
  • Isn't that a school's JOB?
  • And you might think that a preparatory school is more fancy
  • and made out of marble, and all the kids come from rich families...
  • HAHAHA! No! What It means is that the
  • schools get little government funding
  • and parents have to pay for desks
  • and the teacher's salary.
  • I know different private schools will vary depending on how rich the parents are.
  • I'm sure that school made out of marble exists somewhere?
  • But the preparatory school I went to, was relatively worse than a normal public school.
  • The school I went to didn't even have DESKS. They had fold up tables and the chairs were fold up too,
  • how did they-- Oh....
  • Well now I know where all the budget went.
  • The main difference between a public school in a prep school,
  • is that a prep school is smaller and there's a uniform and there's lockers.
  • So... why did my twin sister and I attend a preparatory school?
  • Because twins have superpowers and we need to go to a special school to enhance our abilities.
  • NAH! I'm just-- I'm just kidding. I'm- I'm kidding, that would be cool though!
  • We went because when we were starting our freshman year, our older brother was a senior,
  • and he was already attending this preparatory school,
  • and my mom didn't want to drive to two high schools to pick us up.
  • We already had a carpool in place; you can't just mess with the carpool!
  • Me and my sister didn't know what to expect from a public high school,
  • We've never been, we thought we'd get bullied or something.
  • "Boy, I feel like PICKING ON SOMEONE TODAY!"
  • Yeah, sure, we can go to a prep school I mean what's the worst that can happen?
  • Well the carpool we had, made it so we would arrive at the school super early before everyone else,
  • and we'd be picked up from the school super late.
  • And also because it was a prep school, they gave out a STUPID amount of homework!
  • I remember breaking up the homework into pieces like;
  • "Okay, I can do the geometry while I'm waiting for school to start,
  • the biology homework I can do during geometry class,
  • and I have choir after lunch so I can just do this during lunch!
  • AH! Look at me being responsible!
  • I have a little sister who just finished her freshman year in a public high school,
  • and she thinks it was SOOOO hard.
  • OH, you thought your ninth grade was hard!?
  • Try doing twice the amount of homework and wear the same pants every day!
  • So now the only question remaining is, why did my older brother go to a prep school in the first place?
  • "Bro, why did you go to a prep school in the first place?"
  • "IDK, just decided to. Just felt like I should."
  • My mom reads my scripts, and she told me that he went to a prep school
  • because one of his friends said that there were cute girls at the school...
  • so he decided to stay there for four years.
  • Okay, now let's talk about my poetry teacher. I'll call him...
  • Mister...
  • Poe.
  • Because that's short for Poe...a.. tree.
  • Poetry wasn't even an elective class.
  • EVERY freshman was required to take it.
  • And surprisingly, poetry was only the second most useless class you took at the school.
  • The sophomores took a class on Latin.
  • You know, that dead language that no one speaks.
  • So Mr. Poe... I don't want to judge him TOO hard.
  • I don't know how he was like outside of school,
  • but just picking up the vibes I got from him as a 14 year old...
  • I think he was depressed.
  • I mean, to be fair, anyone who likes poetry probably has something wrong in their head.
  • But Mr. Poe just seemed SAD. All the time!
  • Every single day he would start the class by saying, "It's the best day ever,"
  • which, if you think about it, saying that every day only means that the
  • days are going to get better and better which is.. sort of poetic...
  • but I think Mr. Poe is lying to himself.
  • Also, Mr. Poe really liked anacondas...
  • I mean snakes... he really liked snakes.
  • Sometimes would go off on tangents talking about snakes.
  • "Royal Pythons, also called American Ball Pythons,
  • got their name because they turn into a ball when they get nervous.
  • Also, did you know that snakes have have two--
  • ...nevermind."
  • Sometimes in class we would be analyzing poetry,
  • and Mr. Poe told us that every single word in a poem was important.
  • "The poet didn't have to use the word 'The'...
  • but they DID... What did they mean?"
  • Sometimes we would spend days analysing a single poem,
  • taking notes and talking about what we thought the poet meant.
  • One time, a poem we were reading had someone talking,
  • so there were quotation marks at the start of the sentence,
  • but there weren't quotation marks at the end.
  • The poet forgot to put end quotes. I remember noticing it in thinking:
  • "AHA! A clue! Mr. Poe, I just made a breaking discovery!
  • There's no end quotes here, meaning that the whole rest of this poem is told by this character!"
  • And Mr. Poe said: "Oh no,
  • that's just a typo."
  • Well, frickin', why am i perfectly nitpicking this piece,
  • when the poet purposely put poor punctuation in his poems!
  • PTERODACTYL!!
  • This is going to sound off-topic, but do you guys know what lateral thinking puzzles are?
  • Lateral thinking puzzles are sort of like riddles, but more stupid.
  • You're given a strange situation with little information,
  • and you have to ask the person who told you the puzzle,
  • yes or no questions to get the answer.
  • My favorite lateral thinking puzzle is this, because it's so stupid.
  • "A man goes into a restaurant, orders albatross, eats one bite, and then jumps off a bridge.
  • Why?"
  • Now normally, if we were playing legitly, you would ask me yes-or-no questions like
  • "Was the man in a relationship?"
  • And I would answer them, saying
  • "Well, not anymore."
  • The explanation is this,
  • I'm not going to read it out because it's super long and complicated but,
  • you can read it if you want.
  • Well Mr. Poe, also liked to tell these lateral thinking puzzles,
  • but his solutions were more... dumber.
  • One of the puzzles he told the class was,
  • "You're trapped in a restaurant, how do you get out?"
  • Now, I can think of like five solutions right off the top of my head.
  • Go through the door, through a window,
  • use a crowbar if it's locked, there's probably a sharp knife to cut through a wall,
  • or you can dig a hole under everything with a spoon,
  • but it was actually none of those answers.
  • So how do you get out of a restaurant you're trapped in?
  • You get an.. education.
  • Okay let me explain, you're trapped in a restaurant because you're a waiter.
  • That's your job, and to get out of the restaurant, you need to get a good education so you can get a better job,
  • kind of like how I was able to quit my job in the food industry,
  • by getting.. an education.
  • *whisper* "It's funny because he dropped out of college."
  • So the class got the answer to that riddle, but Mr. Poe told us another riddle
  • and we never figured that one out.
  • and that riddle is; "Anyone can dig a ditch, but it takes a real man to...
  • blank."
  • Given that the answer to the first riddle was education,
  • the answer to this could be anything.
  • I really wanted to know the answer to this riddle, so I Googled it,
  • hoping that Mr. Poe just stole it from the internet, and
  • and I found this song;
  • "Anyone can dig a hole,
  • (close enough to a ditch)
  • but it takes a real man to call it home."
  • Which sounds poetic enough. Let's see if the song gives us any more clues.
  • (Loud screaming rock music)
  • Mr Poe, I didn't know you were into this sort of stuff.
  • So I wish I could give you the answer, but I don't have one.
  • Feel free to guess what you think the answer is, and give your reasoning in the comments.
  • That'll be fun to read.
  • But I will say the answer that I did come up with that I think makes the most sense.
  • "Anyone can dig a ditch,
  • but it takes a real man to...
  • hide the body."
  • Poetry was dumb, but at least I learned something,
  • how to write haikus.
  • Honestly I'm glad I took a poetry class.
  • At least it's not French.
  • Mr. Poe, teacher, if you're somehow watching this, thanks for teaching me stuff.
  • I need to give a big thanks to my friend CypherDen, who helped color some of the pictures.
  • She's a pretty cool dude, you should check her out.
  • I never figured out the solution to that riddle, I guess I'm not a real man.
  • Mr. Poe, if you're watching I'm sorry I called you depressed. You just always sounded tired and annoyed.
  • Well, okay, I probably sounded exactly the same when I was in your class.
  • But honestly, Mr. Poe it was a great class, okay?
  • It was WAY better than French.
  • Thanks for watching, everyone.
  • I'm excited for VidCon and I hope to see you there,
  • and wear your seat belt.
  • That rhymes, sorta, and it's ironic because this is about poetry.
  • Whatever.

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Description

Finally it's out! Poetry was a fun class. I learned about Haikus.

CypherDen ➤ https://www.youtube.com/user/CypherDen

Anyone Can Dig a Hole ➤ /watch?v=si3K3cgFwwE

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Twitter ➤ https://twitter.com/Theodd1sout
Website ➤ https://theodd1sout.com/