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Mom of Two Ali Wong Has Suffered Enough

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05:05   |   Apr 13, 2018

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Mom of Two Ali Wong Has Suffered Enough
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Transcription

  • So you just had a baby how long ago?
  • Three months.
  • Three months?
  • OK--
  • Fresh.
  • Fresh, (LAUGHING) fresh out the body.
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • So you have a three-month-old, and then
  • how old is the first one?
  • A two-year-old.
  • And boy, that's a lot.
  • It's a lot.
  • And the two-year-old was very jealous at first.
  • Oh yeah, there they are.
  • The internet is a lie, that's not how my life really is.
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • The two-year-old was so jealous at first.
  • And when my--
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • Oh, there we go.
  • That's real life.
  • That's real life.
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • When the new baby came, my toddler was like, mama.
  • She wanted to be a baby all over again.
  • She was like, I want to drink milk from your boobies.
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • And I was like, the fact that you
  • can complete that entire sentence disqualifies you.
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • That and your full set of teeth.
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • I mean, having a two-year-old is really hard.
  • I feel like I'm in a relationship
  • with an emotionally unstable woman who
  • is also physically abusive and never gets in trouble for it.
  • She kicked me in the neck today for rationing her Thin Mint
  • intake.
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • So any time you see pictures of us smiling,
  • (WHISPERING it's lies.
  • It's a lie?
  • Yeah.
  • Your whole thing on breastfeeding is hilar--
  • I was crying laughing.
  • I was crying, it's so hilarious.
  • And so you have two kids now.
  • And I was joking about it being a thing,
  • but will you have more, do you think?
  • No, I'm done.
  • You are?
  • I love being a mom, and I like having two kids.
  • But I've had two C-sections and I have suffered enough.
  • That's my favorite mantra when it comes to motherhood.
  • I have suffered enough.
  • Whenever I feel mom guilt, or when I feel pressure
  • to be a better mom, to cook salmon
  • on a bed of quinoa for my kids, I just think to myself,
  • I have suffered enough.
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • Yeah, and then I feel--
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • Yeah, it's enough.
  • And then I feel fine about feeding my toddler
  • a bag of chips for dinner.
  • Yeah.
  • You know, so I had a C-section, and that's major,
  • major surgery.
  • Yeah!
  • And one of my friends was pressuring me to not
  • take painkillers for fear that some of the medication
  • would pass through the breast milk.
  • And I was like, thank you, but I have suffered enough.
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • And it was fine.
  • The Vicodin helped the baby sleep better.
  • Yes!
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • Smart, smart.
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • Yeah.
  • Oh, you're so funny.
  • Your husband is actually--
  • what does he do for a living?
  • He is the vice president of this like, multimillion dollar tech
  • company.
  • OK.
  • Yeah.
  • And yet when you are on tour, he sells your merch?
  • Yes!
  • OK.
  • Because I have to lure him to coming with me.
  • And it's like it's become this fun eccentric hobby of his
  • to sell posters after the show.
  • And I talk a lot about him in my act,
  • so it's like this kind of meet and greet,
  • because I don't go out there.
  • And he sells posters, and he wears like, workout gear.
  • He wears a towel, because he's like sweating.
  • Do you have a picture of him selling posters?
  • Yes, it's huge.
  • Look at that sea of humanity!
  • That's a lot of--
  • That's him in the white shirt, and there's
  • just like a sea of humanity coming at him.
  • And then there's some women who proposition him.
  • Yes, and I'm like, bullsh-- aren't
  • you supposed to be my fan?
  • Yeah!
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • You coming to snatch my husband?
  • Oh, my god!
  • Yeah!
  • But, you know.
  • They proposition him after watching your show
  • and going to get your poster? (LAUGHING) Yeah.
  • That's unbelievable.
  • But he's just like, sure, yeah, I'll go on a date with you,
  • and just takes their money.
  • Oh my.
  • He's like, next.
  • That's hilarious.
  • All right, so you have two Netflix specials,
  • and yet you do not have a Netflix account?
  • No.
  • I'm still like, super-duper cheap.
  • Because I was like, so poor for so long
  • and struggling as a comic, that I just can't let go.
  • So I will probably-- unless they give me one--
  • I'm never probably going to get my own account.
  • See, I was poor growing up, and I had the opposite effect.
  • Because when I was poor, and I just was like,
  • I am never going to have that attitude about money.
  • I am always going to just get what I want.
  • I'm going to do what I want.
  • Because I know there's an abundance,
  • and I will always have enough.
  • And that's how I live my life.
  • You shouldn't live your life in fear of money,
  • because you're going to manifest that.
  • But I am going to give you a year's subscription to Netflix.
  • (YELLING) Oh yeah!
  • [CHEERING]
  • But I don't know where it is.
  • I don't have it.
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • I don't have that, but also--
  • Amazing.
  • You flash your underwear.
  • And so the next time you're going to do that--
  • Thank you!
  • All right.
  • But no, I don't have it.
  • But I am going to give you a year's subscription.
  • Was it on top of the underwear?
  • What?
  • Was it on top of the underwear?
  • Andy, no?
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • [INAUDIBLE]
  • OK, Andy.
  • We have another one coming.
  • OK, great.
  • Smooth as can be here.
  • Ali Wong, Hard Knock Life will be available Mother's Day, May
  • 13th on Netflix.
  • [MUSIC PLAYING]
  • Hi, I'm Andy.
  • Ellen asked me to remind you to subscribe to her channel
  • so you can see more awesome videos, like videos
  • of me getting scared or saying embarrassing things,
  • like ball peen hammer.
  • And also some videos of Ellen and other celebrities,
  • if you're into that sort of thing.
  • [SCREAMING]
  • Ah!
  • [BLEEP] God [BLEEP]!

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Description

Comedian Ali Wong is the mother of two under 2, and she told Ellen her favorite mantra about motherhood: she has suffered enough! Ali’s new Netflix standup special, "Ali Wong: Hard Knock Wife," debuts on Mother's Day, May 13.