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Judge Barry - SNL

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Oct 26, 2019

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Judge Barry - SNL
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  • >> HE TAKES NO NONSENSE. AND HE TAKES NO MORE THAN TEN
  • SECONDS TO REACH A VERDICT. HE'S JUDGE BARRY AND THIS IS
  • "FIRST IMPRESSIONS COURT." >> ALL RISE.
  • THE HONORABLE JUDGE BARRY PRESIDING.
  • >> ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.
  • BE SEATED. >> YOUR HONOR, THIS IS CASE
  • NUMBER 18 ON THE DOCKET. >> 26-YEAR-OLD PATRICIA JONES IS
  • SUING HER FORMER FRIEND FOR $2,700 AFTER SHE ALLEGES HE
  • STOLE HER CAR WHILE SHE WAS ASLEEP AND STILL HASN'T RETURNED
  • IT. THE DEFENDANT, 53-YEAR-OLD
  • TREVOR BRISBY SAYS THAT HE -- >> GUILTY.
  • HE DID IT! NEXT CASE.
  • >> HOLD ON, NOW. WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, YOUR
  • MAJESTY, BUT YOU HAVEN'T EVEN HEARD MY SIDE OF THE STORY YET,
  • MAN. >> SIR, I'VE BEEN A CHICAGO
  • JUDGE FOR 31 YEARS. I DON'T HAVE TO HEAR YOUR SIDE.
  • I'M LOOKING AT YOU IN THAT RIDICULOUS SUIT AND I KNOW THAT
  • YOU'RE GUILTY OF SOMETHING. >> THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR.
  • >> WELL, NOW, WAIT A MINUTE. PLEASE, YOUR MAJESTY.
  • JUST LET ME EXPLAIN. >> YOU'VE GOT TEN SECONDS.
  • >> WELL, I THANK YOU FOR THAT. NOW, FIRST OF ALL, THE ONLY
  • REASON I'M UP IN HERE IS BECAUSE THIS WOMAN IS TRYING TO HAVE
  • SEXUAL PENETRATIONS ON ME. >> EXCUSE ME?!
  • >> YOU KNOW I GOT THAT MAGIC STICK, BABY.
  • >> YOU'RE DISGUSTING. >> GET HIM OUT OF HERE!
  • JUDGMENT IS FOR THE PLAINTIFF. NEXT CASE.
  • >> PLAINTIFF JUDITH BAKER SAYS SHE IS OWED $325 AFTER THE
  • DEFENDANT, HER EX-BOYFRIEND, 29-YEAR-OLD LADENZEL JENKINS.
  • >> HOLD ON. YOUR NAME IS LADENZEL?
  • OH, YOU DEFINITELY GUILTY. >> THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR.
  • >> BUT YOU AIN'T EVEN HEAR MY STORY!
  • >> WHATEVER IT IS. YOU DID IT, MAN.
  • LOOK AT HOW YOU CAME TO COURT. >> LOOK, YOUR HIGHNESS, ME AND
  • THIS WOMAN AIN'T NEVER EVEN DATED.
  • >> YES, WE DID. WE HAVE A SON TOGETHER.
  • >> OKAY, BUT YOU CAN'T GET PREGNANT ON THE FIRST TIME.
  • >> GUILTY. JUST PAY THE LADY.
  • LET'S KEEP THIS THING MOVING. NEXT CASE.
  • >> THE PLAINTIFF -- >> HE'S GUILTY.
  • HE'S GUILTY. >> BUT I'M THE PLAINTIFF.
  • >> PLAINTIFF, DEFENDANT, I DON'T CARE.
  • I JUST KNOW THAT YOU'RE GUILTY. >> BUT I HAVE A SPECIAL SURPRISE
  • WITNESS. >> LET ME GUESS, IT'S A PUPPET?
  • >> ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING TO GO. >> YEAH, WISE CHOICE.
  • NEXT CASE! >> A MALE EXOTIC DANCER --
  • >> NEXT CASE! GUILTY.
  • >> ALL RIGHT. CAN WE DO ONE WITH NORMAL
  • PEOPLE? >> ANDREW WILSON IS SUING HIS
  • FORMER TENANT AND COWORKER, JOANNE McCORMACK FOR A BROKEN
  • LEASE, STOLEN FURNITURE AND APPLIANCES AMOUNTING TO $5,000.
  • >> OKAY. OKAY.
  • THIS IS A TOUGH ONE. >> YOUR HONOR, THIS LADY MAY
  • LOOK INNOCENT, BUT SHE IS A CON ARTIST, A LIAR, AND A THIEF.
  • >> INTERESTING. MA'AM?
  • >> OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, THAT'S A DANG LIE.
  • HEP WANT TO DO -- >> GUILTY.
  • HE WINS. YOU ALMOST HAD ME.
  • ALL RIGHT LET'S DO ONE MORE.
  • I GOT NIGHT CHURCH IN AN HOUR. >> GLADYS FELDMAN IS SUING HER
  • FORMER LIVE-IN NURSE, APOLLO BENZ --
  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] -- FOR STOLEN CASH.
  • >> NOW, LISTEN, YOUR HOMBRE. I SEE THE WAY YOU'RE LOOKING AT
  • ME RIGHT NOW AND I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
  • >> THAT YOU BANG OLD LADIES AND THEN STEAL THEIR MONEY?
  • >> THAT MAY BE SO. BUT I'M NOT JUST SOME DUMB J.LO,
  • I'M ALSO A CERTIFIED PARAPLEGIC -- LEGAL.
  • SO I UNDERSTAND THE LAW. >> YOUR HONOR, THIS MAN IS A
  • THIEF. >> EXCUSE ME!
  • SHE STOLE FROM ME FIRST. >> OH, REALLY, WHAT DID SHE
  • STEAL? >> MY HEART.
  • >> YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU GAVE ME THE BIGGEST AND BEST Os OF MY
  • LIFE. BUT I STILL WANT MY MONEY AND MY
  • CHANDELIER EARRINGS. THEY'VE BEEN IN MY FAMILY FOR
  • GENERATIONS. >> SIR, DO YOU HAVE THIS WOMAN'S
  • EARRINGS, TOO? >> WAIT, THESE?
  • >> GUILTY! I NEED A BIG BOY BREAK.
  • LET'S TAKE A RECESS. >> IT'S "FIRST IMPRESSIONS
  • COURT" WITH JUDGE BARRY.

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Judge Barry (Chance the Rapper) presides over First Impressions Court, where he doles out judgments based on first impressions.

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