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Impeachment Cold Open - SNL

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Sep 28, 2019

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Impeachment Cold Open - SNL
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  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> GET ME RUDY GIULIANI ON THE
  • PHONE. >> OH, HEY, MR. TRUMP.
  • WHAT'S NEW? >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT'S NEW,
  • RUDY? I'M BEING IMPEACHED.
  • IT'S THE GREATEST PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT OF ALL TIME.
  • I WOULD KNOW. I'M LIKE THE PRESIDENT OF
  • HARASSMENT. >> RELAX, MR. TRUMP.
  • WE'VE GOT NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
  • NOBODY'S GOING TO FIND OUT ABOUT OUR ILLEGAL SIDE DEALINGS WITH
  • THE UKRAINE. >> GOOD.
  • >> OR HOW WE TRIED TO COVER UP THOSE SIDE DEALINGS.
  • >> GREAT. >> OR HOW WE PLANNED TO COVER UP
  • THE COVER-UP. >> RUDY, WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT
  • NOW? >> I'M ON CNN RIGHT NOW.
  • [ LAUGHTER ] LET ME PUT YOU ON SPEAKER.
  • >> RUDY, GET OUT OF THERE. AND WHATEVER YOU DO, STAY OFF
  • THE PHONE. I'VE GOT ANOTHER CALL.
  • WHO'S THIS? >> IT'S ATTORNEY GENERAL BARR.
  • >> I'M REALLY STARTING TO WORRY. >> WELL, STAY CALM, MR.
  • PRESIDENT. I KNOW THINGS LOOK BAD RIGHT
  • NOW. BUT I GOT OUR TOP GUY ON THIS.
  • >> GOOD. WELL, LET'S GET HIM ON THE
  • PHONE, TOO. >> HELLO.
  • [ LAUGHTER ] OH, HEY, MR. PRESIDENT.
  • >> RUDY, YOU'RE NOT STILL ON CNN, ARE YOU?
  • >> OF COURSE NOT. >> GOOD.
  • >> I'M ON THE "JOE ROGAN PODCAST."
  • [ LAUGHTER ] >> RUDY, HANG UP THE PHONE AND
  • GET OUT OF THERE. >> OKAY.
  • >> BILL, YOU KNOW I'M GOING TO NEED SOMEBODY TO TAKE THE BLAME
  • FOR THIS. >> YES.
  • BUT WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO FIND A SACRIFICIAL PATSY THAT WILL DO
  • ANYTHING YOU SAY? NOT IT.
  • >> DON'T WORRY, I'VE GOT THE PERFECT STOOGE.
  • >> HELLO? >> BIG MIKE, HOW'S CHURCH GOING?
  • STILL WAITING ON WHAT'S HIS FACE TO COME BACK?
  • >> YOU MEAN JESUS, SIR? >> YEAH, YEAH.
  • [ LAUGHTER ] LISTEN, I'M JUST CALLING YOU
  • ABOUT THIS WHOLE UKRAINE WHISTLE-BLOWER THING.
  • IT'S LOOKING PRETTY BAD FOR YOU. >> FOR ME?
  • BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO BROKE THE LAW.
  • >> WAIT A MINUTE. DON'T TRY TO DRAG ME INTO YOUR
  • MESS. [ CALL WAITING BEEP ]
  • HOLD ON, I'M GETTING A CALL FROM THE BOYS.
  • HELLO. >> DAD, IT'S YOUR SON.
  • >> AND ERIC. [ LAUGHTER ]
  • >> DAD, I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE THE LAMESTREAM MEDIA'S FOCUSED ON
  • YOU AND NOT ON THE CORRUPTION OF JOE BIDEN.
  • >> I KNOW. BY THE WAY, DID YOU TAKE CARE OF
  • THAT THING IN RUSSIA FOR ME? >> WHAT THING IN RUSSIA?
  • >> THE TREASON. >> ERIC!
  • [ LAUGHTER ] [ CALL WAITING BEEP ]
  • >> HANG ON, BOYS, I'M GETTING A VERY IMPORTANT CALL FROM THE
  • CHAIRMAN. CHAIRMAN KIM.
  • >> WAZZZUP! [ LAUGHTER ]
  • >> THANKS FOR GETTING BACK TO ME.
  • I NEED SOME ADVICE. HOW DO YOU HANDLE A
  • WHISTLEBLOWER? >> OH, THAT'S EASY.
  • YOU HAVE A BIG OCEAN IN YOUR COUNTRY?
  • >> YES. >> SEND WHISTLE-BLOWER TO THE
  • BOTTOM OF THERE. >> OH, RIGHT.
  • I WISH MY COUNTRY WAS AS COOL AS YOUR COUNTRY.
  • HANG ON. I'VE GOT TO TAKE THIS.
  • KANYE, HOW HAVE YOU BEEN MY MAN? >> A LOT BETTER, BRO, ACTUALLY.
  • YOU REMEMBER THOSE PILLS I WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE, HUH?
  • SO IT TURNS OUT I'M SUPPOSED TO TAKE THOSE EVERY DAY.
  • CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? [ LAUGHTER ]
  • >> THAT'S GOOD, THAT'S GOOD. >> ACTUALLY, THAT'S THE REASON
  • I'M CALLING YOU. I DON'T THINK WE CAN BE FAM
  • NO MORE, FAM. >> WHAT?
  • >> GIVE ME THE PHONE. ONLY IN AMERICA.
  • >> DON KING, DON'T TELL ME YOU DUDES ARE PARTYING WITHOUT ME.
  • IS RODMAN THERE AND TYSON TOO? >> YEAH.
  • WE WERE JUST HAVING AN EMERGENCY MEETING OF THE BLACK
  • WHACK-A-DOODLES. AND WE ALL DECIDED THAT THIS
  • WHOLE IMPEACHMENT THING IS HURTING OUR BRAND.
  • >> OH, DON'T BAIL ON ME NOW. I NEED MY URBANS.
  • [ LAUGHTER ] KANYE, JUST TELL ME YOU WHO WANT
  • OUT OF JAIL THIS TIME. ASAP ROCKY AGAIN?
  • OR HOW ABOUT THAT LITTLE GIRL TERIYAKI 69?
  • [ LAUGHTER ] >> LOOK FAM, WE GOT TO GO.
  • SAY GOODBYE TO THE DOUCHEBAG. >> YEAH, MAN.
  • TERRENCE HOWARD IS ON THE ROOF WITH AN UMBRELLA TRYING TO PROVE
  • THAT GRAVITY DON'T EXIST. ONLY IN AMERICA.
  • >> THIS WHISTLEBLOWER'S STARTING TO RUIN EVERYTHING FOR ME.
  • [ PHONE RINGS ] HELLO?
  • >> WHAT'S UP? >> JUDGE JEANINE.
  • THINGS ARE NOT GOING SO GREAT. I'M REALLY FEELING DOWN.
  • I COULD REALLY USE A PEP TALK. >> WELL, MR. PRESIDENT, YOU'VE
  • COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE. WHO'S MY SPECIAL BEAUTIFUL BOY?
  • >> I AM. >> WHO MAKES EVERY WOMAN'S EYES
  • POP OUT OF HER SKULL AND GO A-OOGA?
  • >> I DO. >> DAMN RIGHT YOU DO.
  • BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT DUMPS LIKE A TRUCK TRUCK AND THIGHS LIKE WHAT
  • WHAT. >> THANKS.
  • I REALLY NEEDED THAT. THIS WHISTLE-BLOWER THING, IT
  • JUST WON'T GO AWAY. >> WELL, IF YOU REALLY WANT
  • SOMEONE TO GO AWAY, YOU KNOW WHO TO CALL.
  • >> RIGHT. THAT'S GENIUS.
  • I'LL CALL HIM RIGHT NOW. >> HELLO?
  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> YES.
  • IS THIS RAY DONOVAN? >> EXCUSE ME?
  • >> RAY DONOVAN THE FIXER? THE GUY WHO TAKES CARE OF STUFF
  • WINK WINK? >> I TOLD YOU, MR. PRESIDENT.
  • RAY DONOVAN IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER.
  • I'M LIEV SCHREIBER, THE ACTOR. [ APPLAUSE ]
  • >> OH, OF COURSE. RIGHT.
  • I KNEW THAT. BUT IF YOU CAN'T DO IT, COULD
  • YOU CONNECT ME WITH JOHN WICK? >> HE'S FAKE.
  • HE'S FAKE TOO, MR. PRESIDENT. >> WHAT ABOUT LIAM NEESON?
  • >> ACTUALLY, LIAM MIGHT DO IT. [ LAUGHTER ]
  • >> FINE. THAT'S GOOD.
  • I'LL GET HIM. PROBLEM SOLVED.
  • AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!

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Description

With the threat of impeachment looming, Donald Trump (Alec Baldwin) calls those closest to him including Rudy Giuliani (Kate McKinnon), Kanye West (Chris Redd), William Barr (Aidy Bryant), Mike Pence (Beck Bennett), Kim Jong-un (Bowen Yang), Jeanine Pirro (Cecily Strong) Eric and Don Jr. (Alex Moffat, Mikey Day), and Liev Schreiber.

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