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iconic and rare vines to educate future generations [CC]

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30:31   |   Nov 05, 2018

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iconic and rare vines to educate future generations [CC]
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Transcription

  • This one's called pine .. apples.
  • It smells like a pine .. apple.
  • Okay, now that we've all sang happy birthday to you,
  • I'm just gonna try one more time by myself.
  • - But we just sang it.
  • - Shut up! [going into an over-the-top vocal run] HAPPY BIRTH..
  • Oh, don't worry 'bout my dog, man, he doesn't bite.
  • Is you gonna bite me?
  • I'm - I'm definitely gonna bite you, man.
  • - He lyin'? - He lyin'. I'm gon' bite -
  • Hi, and this is my impression of when Shakira goes to wash her hands, but the water's too hot.
  • [Shakira-style yell] Thank you.
  • - [singing] .. kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of - - Iridosiclitis.
  • And, you know, I hate to do this,
  • but I specifically asked for no mustard,
  • and you just brought me a bottle of mustard on a plate.
  • - [Nicki Minaj rapping] .. Drake .. - No. - .. on my life, man, fuck's sake ..
  • - No. - If I did .. - No! Turn that off!
  • - .. I'd menage with 'em and let 'em eat my ass like a cup - - NO!
  • So, basically, what I was thinking of was, er - Uh, fuck .. I can't believe you've done this.
  • Not to be racist or anything, but I love goat cheese.
  • - That's not even racist. - Well, I SAID I wasn't being RACIST.
  • Sometime's I like to pretend I'm tall but I'm just standing on a chair.
  • All right, kids, we're gonna make letters out of macaroni now.
  • I already know the alphabet.
  • - Okay, say it. - L, M, N, O, P.
  • Oh ho, my God, why is there a giraffay in my house?
  • Giraffay, you have to go back to .. Africay.
  • [how do i even describe this weird fucking noise]
  • Could you pass the casserole? Are you taking a photo of me? What the fuck! Let me know before you take a photo of me!
  • - Do you like movies? - I love movies. - *I* love movies!
  • - Wait, how do you feel about world peace?
  • - Um, it would-- - [together] .. be good! - Wow.
  • Hey, man, can you grab me a bag of chips? - Ah, man, only bag left is this bag of knives.
  • Why would they .. why would they put that in there?
  • What do you intend to testify to today?
  • [intense doggy sniffs]
  • [music]
  • [music] Take it back now, y'all. One hop this time. One hop this time. Rever-
  • I care about you. Here's some pine cones on a stick. Uh, it's .. you're lovely.
  • [intense recorder playing]
  • Haha, I do that.
  • Dude, what the FARK? This is your space, this is your ahhrea. She can't do that, dude.
  • [singing on each flip] wooaAAHH! woah WOAH! wo woah! wooaH!
  • I wish I had 25 cents.
  • I can make that. I can make that. I can make that.
  • I can make that. I can make that. I can make that.
  • Hey.
  • So we got a picture of him around the time he went missing,
  • and aged it ten years to see what he looks like now.
  • He got a new hat.
  • Hey, do you know how to get to the bus stop from here?
  • - Er, yeah, if you go down this street -
  • [music playing] - Uh, uh, I can't hear you.
  • - Take off your headphones. - I'm wearing headphones.
  • [gentle piano music]
  • - is life! Ball is life! Ball is liiiife! Ball is liife!
  • [the clack of the skateboard down each step is on the beat of the music. it's pretty cool]
  • Ohhh [blows into mic] we're - I think we're breaking up, babe. [blows into mic]
  • We're Facetiming, I can see you.
  • [blows into mic] What?
  • [to the tune of 'Wonderwall' by Oasis] Today's .. gonna be the day .. that I poop in your sock.
  • - Hey! Hey! - Shh! [whispering] The baby's sleeping.
  • - [whispering] Sorry. - [whispering] What's up?
  • - [still whispering] There's a fire.
  • [laughing]
  • [singing] Ah ah ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah, aahhh ..
  • .. blblblblblblblblblbl ah ah ah.
  • [music playing] Is this music?
  • I love - I can't get enough of that .. sweet music.
  • Hey, how about we get some music on here? Huh?
  • There is music on?
  • That's great. I love music.
  • If I ever have a kid, I'm gonna let him listen to music,
  • because music is - seems pretty fine .. to do - listen to.
  • [music playing]
  • [music stops] This is my favourite part com- The song's over?
  • I know.
  • I love hearing this.
  • Can you hear this, too? Or is it just- You can? That's great- cool.
  • - .. fruit. - Yeah.
  • - That's not healthy. - Mum, get my nuts! Get my nuts!!!
  • - I'm eating a Cheez-It. - Meghan, NO.
  • - Meghan. Meghan. Meghan! No, Meghan..
  • Hey, God, are you ever gonna put out a New Testament?
  • My child .. ['Ignition (Remix)' by R. Kelly plays] .. I usually don't do this but, uh ..
  • .. let me go ahead and break 'em off--
  • - .. saw you hanging out with Kaitlyn yesterday. - R - Rebecca! It's not what you think--
  • I won't hesitate, bitch. [gunshot]
  • [singing] I want a church girl that go to church ..
  • and read her Bible.
  • [singing] I want a Jewish girl that go to .. temple ..
  • and read her Torah.
  • [keyboard clacking]
  • So I am confusion. Why is this one Kansas .. but this one is not Ar-kansas.
  • America exblain!
  • Exblain! What you mean it Arkansaw!?
  • When there's too much drama at school ..
  • all you gotta do is ..
  • [singing a quivering run] walk awaaaaay.
  • ['Around The World' by ATC playing]
  • Two shots of vodka.
  • - So, how is everything? - Actually, the chicken's a little dry.
  • [spits] How 'bout now?
  • [Tuesday by ILoveMakonnen playing]
  • - And they were roommates. - Oh my God, they were roommates.
  • People been lookin' at me, I'm just like, 'Whatchu lookin' at .. stranger?' [laughter]
  • ['Worth It' by Fifth Harmony playing]
  • [singing over the song] Jones Barbecue and Foot Massage .. Jones Barbecue and Foot Massage.
  • Michael, the coffee's almost done. Michael?
  • [voice in his head] Maybe ~I'm~ Michael.
  • ['Emotions' by Mariah Carey playing] You make me feel sooo .. ooo ooo oooo ooooooo ..
  • aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
  • It's a avocado! [insincerely] Thanks!
  • [miming to 'Breaking Free' from High School Musical] Strength to believe ..
  • We're breaking- [enormous snort-laugh]
  • - [aggressively] Do you wanna fight? - Yeah! Let's go!
  • - All right, come on, swing first! - [sweetly] No, YOU swing first.
  • - No, YOU swing first, stop!
  • - Shower .. - Mm-hm.
  • Put perfume on and losh .. armpit freshen and then go.
  • - I'm seriously in love with Bustin Jieber's new song. - It's Justin Bieber.
  • Uh .. okay, Vanessa, well I'm [singing] sorry [speaking] I didn't pronounce it perfect-
  • [speaking indistinctly] Hi guys .. I'm free today, just wannaletyouknowI'mgoing shopping today, bye guys.
  • - Do YOU know what he said? - No.
  • [the terrifying honking of maybe a hundred geese]
  • Look at all those chickens.
  • [the geese continue their dreadful screeching]
  • - Gladys Knight. - She doesn't have the range.
  • - Sheena Easton? - She doesn't have the range.
  • - Paul McCartney? - She doesn't have the range.
  • - Shirley Bassey? - She doesn't have the range.
  • I'm sorry, Shirley, I love her to bits, but she doesn't have the range.
  • - But that's you. - I don't care. I don't have the range.
  • [kiss]
  • [blows kiss]
  • [blender noise]
  • Sabra gives you all your daily nutrients, like zero grams of trans fat
  • and OH MY GOD cholesterol!
  • - I *am* old. - How old are you?
  • Sixteen! I'm a grandmotha.
  • I smoked so many cigarettes while I was pregnant my son is a cat and he doesn't love m--
  • Here's a summer fashion tip: cut off the legs of your old jeans
  • for that hip summertime look.
  • Jim, can you take out the trash? [his voice comes out with reverb through the mic]
  • [repeated over dubstep] Jim, can you take out the trash? Take out the trash?
  • Chores need to get done around here, Jim!!!
  • ['Con te partirΓ²' plays faintly in the background] [the brave glugging of Listerine and checkout beeps can also be heard]
  • Revine this vine if you also think it's time that Nike should start being a little more polite.
  • Nike. Please do it.
  • [coughs]
  • Thank you.
  • I am now high.
  • ['A Thousand Miles' by Vanessa Carlton plays]
  • [the cockatoo plays tunelessly]
  • - And I .. - [cockatoo quacks] - .. you.
  • [cockatoo plays tunelessly some more]
  • - And I .. - [cockatoo quacks] - .. you.
  • - Enjoy your movie. - Thanks, you too.
  • - [internally] What?! He's not seeing the movie. Why did I say that?
  • Just kidding. [internally] Oh my God.
  • I said I'm sorry, Charlene ..
  • Okay?!
  • Wha suh dude?
  • [softly laughs]
  • [softly laughs] Wha suh ...
  • No off-topic questions. Because I don't want to. No, there-- no.
  • Permission denied. That's an off - topic - questions - next.
  • You have been stopped.
  • I smoked one weed and then I had to have my right arm replaced with my right leg.
  • Don't do drug--
  • You're gonna tell me everything .. right now.
  • - No. - Please.
  • - No. - Please.
  • - No. - Please.
  • - No. - Please. - No.
  • And not to mention, Grandma, what a big nose you have.
  • - Okay. - Save some air for me. Goddamn, Grandma.
  • [beatboxing]
  • [baby blows one single raspberry]
  • - We're all in this together, and that, in fact, we need to restore--
  • ['We're All In This Together' from High School Musical plays] We're all in this together ..
  • ['Girlfriend' by Avril Lavigne plays] Hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your--
  • Ravioli.
  • ['Girlfriend' by Avril Lavigne plays] No way, no way, I think you need--
  • LASAGNE.
  • Goodnight, Instagram. Buh bye.
  • - No, this Vine. - Oh, this Vine?
  • - My favorite animal is probably a buffoon. - You mean baboon?
  • It's a buffoon! We learned it in see-ence clalalarss.
  • [gently] I think I'm gonna have diarrhea later.
  • ['Lifestyle' by Rich Gang plays]
  • [in a really worried tone] wHAT are thEY SAYing?
  • [with silly pronunciation] Hi. Welcome. Here is my oven. Here are my spice. Here is my paddle. I'm making a pizza.
  • Look at it go.
  • 80's songs make me cry.
  • Keep singing, son.
  • - As the first woman to fly across-- - Yaaaass Amelia, bitch, yaas!
  • - .. the Pacific .. o-- - Fuck it up, bitch, yaa--
  • Oh my God, it's a snekkeh snek. Snekkeh snek.
  • Snekkeh snek, you dead, snekkeh snek?
  • Bitch! Haha! Why you mad? Cause my pussy pops severely and yours don't?
  • - It turns out they weren't even dating. - Wow. Shaking my head.
  • - Shaking MY head.
  • [rapping over a beat] Hey! I think you're really cool! I like you a lot!
  • [speaking] Maybe we can hang out or something ..
  • [the sounds of the shovel on the ground]
  • [the sounds of someone trying not to laugh loudly]
  • We got car parks everywhere - McDonald's, supermarkets, stadiums ..
  • the fuckING M25!!!
  • Do you mean the one where she's like ..
  • [singing 'Neon Lights' by Demi Lovato in an ostentatiously good way] Baby when they look up AT the skyyyyyy?
  • [speaking] Or is that something different?
  • Oh, yeah, that's that ..
  • [singing 'My Heart Will Go On' by Celine Dion in an equally amazing yet over-the-top way] Near, far, whereEVER YOU ARE.
  • [speaking] That's that song, right?
  • [yelling in fear]
  • Why are you running? WHY are you running?
  • Hey, I'm Jesus and I'm here to heal the blind.
  • I can see, actually, I just really like sunglasses.
  • - Got a cold, though. - Don't do colds.
  • - You guys say "Colorado"! - [passing giraffe] I'M A GIRAFFE.
  • Hey, Vine. Check out my new vine on vine.com ..
  • or you can watch it right here c-- 'cause this-- you're watching it right now--
  • - Michael, get up and get ready for school! - [singing while impersonating Michael Jackson] No .. I don't wanna go, no ..
  • Please, mama, don't make me go.
  • [voice from the satnav] Continue straight on to 4th Street then, in two hundred feet, keep going straight.
  • Continue going straight--
  • Hey ..
  • I want to be famous.
  • [munching]
  • [speaking quickly and indistinctly with his voice constantly breaking] HeyguysGabrielrightheretellingyouhowtodoanything
  • I'mgonnashowyouhowtosolveaRubik'scubethat'showyoudoit
  • thanksguysforwatching..er..likecommentandsubscribe
  • - Oh my god, are you finna smash? - Oh my god, no!
  • You didn't let me finish. The patriarchy; I'm a feminist.
  • I may be just a citizen by day
  • but by night I'm ..
  • [epic smash] Night Citizen.
  • - Hey! What are you doing tonight? - Uh! Fricking sleeping, what do you think I'm doing?
  • [she burps] [her mum laughs]
  • .. that teeth are actually calcium? So the more dr-- mink-- milk you drink the more teeth you have.
  • Hip-hop? Butts? Not for me.
  • I miss the good days in music
  • when the Italian mafia sang about white people sex.
  • Double tap if your favourite thing to do when you're done eating is eat and digest your napkin. Thanks guys.
  • ['Crank That' by Soulja Boy playing]
  • I chose the wrong song on accident, ya'll. This was supposed to be--
  • I should have left you on that street corner where you were standing.
  • Butcha didn't.
  • Hey, babygirl, make that sound you know I love so much.
  • Okay! [screeching like a pterodactyl]
  • Aww yeah...
  • - Aw, are you feeling down? - Yeah.
  • - This song always cheers me up.
  • ['Town' from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time plays]
  • LeBron James. LeBron James. LeBron James.
  • LeBron James. LeBron James.
  • LeBron James. LeBron James. .. Bron James. What? LeBron James. LeBron James.
  • Well, son, you're getting to that age; I think it's time you learned how to destroy that pussy.
  • Well, if I wanted to see ruins I would have stayed in my first marriage, Jeffrey.
  • Oh, you're not Jeffrey!
  • Well, if I had known it was a Windows XP background I would have stayed at home and stared at my comp--
  • Oh, you're not Jeffrey!
  • Well, if I wanted to see a stinky steamhole I could have stayed at home, Jef-- Oh, you're not Jeffrey!
  • Well, if I wanted to see gravity at work I could have stayed home and watched the DVD, Jeffrey.
  • Oh, you're not Jeffrey!
  • Well, if I'd known it was a big chunk of ice I would have stayed home and cleaned the freezer, Jeffrey.
  • Oh, you're not Jeffr--
  • Well, if I wanted to see a bluff I would have stayed home and played poker, Jeffrey. Oh, you're not Jeffr--
  • Well, if I wanted to ride a double-decker I would have sat on a sandwich, Jeffrey! Oh, you're not Jeffrey!
  • Well, if I wanted to go apple picking I would have made a Genius Bar appointment, Je-- OH! You're not Jeffrey!
  • [pronounced like Dexter from Dexter's Laboratory] Dee Dee! Dee Dee!
  • What are you doing in my laboratory?
  • - Heeeyyy. - Hey, mum of my dreams!
  • [mum of her dreams laughs]
  • - .. four-year-old boy fell several feet-- - Oh no! - .. into the gorilla's enclosure.
  • - Good evening, everyone-- - Oh. Good evening! - .. thanks for--
  • [the intro to 'Take On Me' by a-ha plays]
  • [gentle guitar music plays]
  • - It's official I'm getting a promoti-- - I'm getting ready to do something, too. I'm running for President.
  • Cool, Hillary.
  • - Karen, can I get a sip of that? - Um, no!
  • - Why? - Because I'm breastfeeding!
  • - .. no, I'm-- - JUST RECORD ME, MUM!
  • - What is this dance? - MUM, SHUT UP!
  • - What dance is that? - STOP TALKING!
  • [with silly pronunciation] These shoes are cute! Cute shoes. Cuuuute. Shoes! Cute shoes.
  • [plucking beautifully but with all the notes clashing]
  • .. really do love working here, it's just .. we all have a lot of laughs.
  • Fuck off, Janet. I'm not going to your fucking baby shower.
  • Dude, thanks for letting me use your Xbox.
  • That's not my Xbox.
  • Come on.
  • [the sound of Hillary Clinton tapping her phone screen]
  • I'm just chillin' in Cedar Rapids.
  • - I've seen Jurassic Park. - Oh, yeah? What happened?
  • - I don't remember, I was kissing a girl the whole time. - What girl?
  • Hillary Clinton.
  • - Did you like the broccoli casserole? - Yeah.
  • - Want some dessert casserole? - I'm just thirsty.
  • - Well, here you go. Some water .. casserole. You--
  • Nathan, if you worship louder in front of the other kids, I'll give you money.
  • [gasp]
  • [singing] Our God is an awesome GO--
  • Oh my gosh, Becky! Do you want to get some froyo???
  • Come on! Froyo! Eyy!
  • - 911, what's your emergency? - Lemon lime. [laughs softly]
  • [also laughs softly]
  • My grandma fell.
  • - Here, you get a better bang for your buck. - Are you serious? I have been looking everywhere for new bangs for my buck.
  • [singing] Eyyyy! We want some pussy!
  • [all singing together] Eyyy! We want some pussy!
  • There's just something about hitting that whip that just, you know, like it-- Oh! Watch this. Boom! It just keeps me going.
  • Hey guys, just a quick update. Um, I climbed a tree and now I'm two stories high in that tree having a lot of fun.
  • [upbeat indie rock music plays]
  • [two people sing the line from 'Santa Claus Is Coming To Town' but move the melody up a key each time in an unsettling way] You better watch out. You better watch out.
  • You better watch out. You better watch out. You better wa--
  • If there are any spirits here tonight,
  • Let me hear you say 'Way ho!' ['Boom Boom Boom' by The Outhere Brothers plays]
  • A boom boom boom--
  • If there are any spirits here tonight, tell me ..
  • does this sound like Shakira?
  • [doing an impression of Shakira from 'Whenever, Wherever'] Le lo lo le lo le.
  • - All right, who do YOU think did it, then? - Tyler. - Tyler's dead.
  • - Huh. Wait! Tyl-- - Tyler's still dead. - This is really difficult, hold--
  • .. making copies. Move, I'm gay.
  • In the workplace, being gay just has its perks.
  • What's the news?
  • - What? - [sighs]
  • - Tell me! - Oh, I just stubbed my toe.
  • [sighs with relief]
  • On your dead wife.
  • ..therman Mark. Mark, you cold?
  • - Big Mike, you sold me bad weed! - So whatchu gon' do?
  • Just wait.
  • [ominous hip-hop plays]
  • ['So Small' by Carrie Underwood plays]
  • Hey Grandma Janice .. er, can you please stop sending me nudes? I think you might have the wrong number, Grandma.
  • Do you have a boyfriend yet?
  • [vocalizations repeat very rapidly due to editing]
  • To everyone out there who's being attacked by a bear right now, I think you're gonna make it out of this.
  • Remember, don't run, it only entices--
  • Oh my God, I love chipotle! Chipotle is my liiiife!
  • - Don't let the door hit you on the way out. - Thanks for the tip but my hand's on the door, so. [the sound of his head hitting the doorframe]
  • Gimme that coffee! Gimme that coffee!
  • - Gimme that coffee! - No. No!
  • [sighs] Well, that's the end of his last will and testament.
  • Er, for a longer version you can go to his Instagram..
  • - Who's the hottest Uber driver you've ever had? - Um, I never went to Oovoo Javer.
  • Hey, guys. I'm in Montana. Just dislocated my shoulder. I'm in Montana, having fun.
  • I don't care about my haters and if you wanna fight me then fight me.
  • - [sneezes] - God bless you. - Thank you--
  • - I'm Ted Cruz. - Okay--
  • - Today there are many reasons to be concerned about .. - Er .. - .. our nation's direction.
  • [singing to the tune of 'Tom's Diner' by Suzanne Vega] Sittin' on the toilet, and had to make a doody.
  • When the doody hit the water, the water hit my booty. Duh duh duh duh...
  • [spoken by a text-to-speech program] In West Philadelphia, born and raised,
  • on the playground is where I spend most of my days.
  • Fortune cookie!
  • [rock music plays]
  • [groans]
  • I'm proud of you.
  • .. it. Look it! It's frickin' bats. I love Hallowe'en.
  • [to the tune of 'Cheerleader' by OMI, and this is true for the next four vines] Oh, I think that I found myself a space heater.
  • Oh, I think that I found myself Derek Jeter.
  • Oh, I think that I found myself Angry Beaver.
  • Oh, I think that I found myself a bird feeder.
  • Oh, I think that I found myself an anteater.
  • Detective, this is a crime scene!
  • What, is this the murder weapon? Get off my dick!
  • [police sirens] Know why I pulled you over?
  • Yes.
  • - Okay. - Okay.
  • - K, byyye. - Byyyee.
  • Ten people died in the Bronx last night due to a fire that killed ten people in the Bronx last night during a fire.
  • - He's a good kid. - I'll kill you. Fuck you! [spits]
  • [laughs] They're crazy when their teens, huh?
  • Ugh! I don't want to be cool anymore!
  • Well, I guess I don't have a choice. [rock music plays]
  • If you guys are ever thinking about suicide, don't do it. God doesn't want you to.
  • God wants to kill you himself in his own special way.
  • Out there doin' stuff like
  • [singing] feels great to be doin' stuff.
  • [impersonating Owen Wilson] Wow! Your boobs are huge! Wow!
  • I'm sorry! Am I not supposed to say that? I don't know!
  • [the intro to 'Hello' by Adele plays]
  • [in an Australian accent] Gooday.
  • [in a lacklustre way] Hey, guess what, son? Clean your room.
  • - No. - Oh. O- o- okay.
  • And you just drop in and just .. smack flip .. Woo pah! Drop down, sma-- baaahhhh!
  • Hm, it's cute. I wish I could get it, but ...
  • Girls who cook. But then I look into the skillet, I see Skittles in the skill--
  • I don't understand. She is not-- Cooking what? Sugar?
  • ['Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta' plays]
  • - Mum, I can see you in the frame, that's-- - Don't you want to? - No.
  • Hey, Vine! Join me in the Name Challenge,
  • where you have to name your .. where you have to say your name.
  • My-- I'm Terry.
  • [voiceover] Take the Vine Editing Challenge. Take one of your old vines and overdub it with Collective Soul.
  • ['December' by Collective Soul plays]
  • - Well, it looks like you have gonorrhea. - Okay, what are the symptoms? - Well, you always be gone all the .. time ..
  • Sorry, I was getting a drin--
  • I may not do any sports, but I'm wearing athletic shorts and I run a seven-and-a-half-minute mile. Explain ath-- letic
  • I'm literally here for you. I'm never gonna tell any of your secrets.
  • They're kept right up my tight-ass vagina.
  • Chrish deepthroated a fucking banan--
  • [singing] Back-to-school commercials make me wanna .. bury myself in the dirt and choke on the dirt-- [laughing]
  • Look at the buns on that guy!
  • This is the comedy police. The joke's too funny!
  • I'M NOT GOING BACK TO JAIL!!
  • I'm a cancer and I'm very passionate in bed.
  • I'm a nice lover and I'm very sensitive. But sometimes I can be over--
  • - What are you thinking about? - Pizza.
  • - What? - Pizza.
  • Oh!
  • Thank God my son bought me a life alert.
  • [singing over music] Druuunk onliiiiine ..
  • .. weeping online becauseofa DOG TEEPEE?!?
  • [extremely dramatic music repeating itself]
  • Oh my God, Beyoncer! Oh my God, Beyoncer!
  • Oh my God, Beyoncer!
  • - Hey, guys. - [offscreen] Gabe! - I'm making a vi-- Actually, could you do it?
  • - Hey, guys! I'm making a vine-- - That's not what I meant.
  • - Okay, go. - H--
  • [singing in an R&B style] Latasha, I'm sorry.
  • I think your sister might be having my second son.
  • Hey, guys. Hit that like button if you think being haunted is .. kinda hot.
  • - Are you Mulan? - Um, no. - We'll pay for a picture.
  • [singing 'Reflection' from Mulan] Who is that girl--
  • - Are you Merida? - No.
  • - We'll pay for a picture. - [in a Scottish accent] If you had the chance to change your fate--
  • [laughing]
  • [the sound of the kid falling hard onto the shingle below]
  • [laughing]
  • [the intro song to 'Perfect Strangers' plays]
  • I've found the one.
  • [flip-flop sounds]
  • [laughing smugly]
  • That is not correct ..
  • .. because according to the Encyclopedia of thpffjdhdfvnfdnvfhhtwpoficnr
  • Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping,
  • spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, unafraid to reference or not reference
  • put it in a blender, shit on it, vomit on it, eat it, give birth to it.
  • I eat Cheerios because they're heart-healthy, and my heart has been severely damaged.
  • So John, if you're out there--
  • - The good news is you're not sick. - And the bad news?
  • - Well, you'll be reliving this six-second moment for the rest of your life. - Oh God, no!
  • - The good news is you're not sick. - [in a weak, elderly voice] Please ..
  • - Well, you'll be reliving this six-second moment for the rest of your life. - Let me go.
  • Sometimes, when you drop a cracker on the ground, you just gotta say "shit happens" and move on.
  • And-- and you just move on.
  • [bluesy jazz music plays] [with the accent of a film noir character] It was then that I saw my wife, lying in a puddle of red.
  • But then I remembered that red was just a colour, and a fear of colour's irrational.
  • - Dude! Bug crawled in my dickhole earlier. - Dude, please tell me it was a ladybug.
  • - Dude, you know it. - [scoffs] Thought you were gay. - Nah!
  • Yo, I'm not gay. This is potassium, it's-- it's good!
  • NO HOMO, NO HOMO, NO HOMO, NO HOMO.
  • [singing to the tune of the theme from 'Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt'] The Revenant, he alive, damnit, 'cause Leo is strong as hell.
  • Another great vine.
  • - Did someone order a big sausage pizza? - I did, but I don't have any money.
  • Why the fuck did you order a pi--
  • [singing loudly in a tuneless and operatic way]
  • Crap.
  • - Some what? - Er, I meant some crafts.
  • - Oh. - Erm .. cat.
  • I LOVE JESUS, DAMNIT!!
  • That's why I go to church on Sunday.
  • Chris! Is that a weed?
  • - No, this is a crayon-- - I'm calling the police!
  • [the theme from 'The X-Files' plays] 911, what's your emergency?
  • Mary! Is that a police? I'm calling the weed!
  • 420, whatcha smokin'?
  • - What would be the first thing you provide to a third-world country? - Pictures of me on Instagram.
  • - What about water? - Pictures of me in a pool.
  • - What kind of spider is that? - Looks like a daddy long leg?
  • - All right, it's a good-looking spider, but I wouldn't say it's daddy.
  • Wait, what?
  • What's up, guys? Hit that like button if you're gonna [imitating a record scrub] ruh uh -- rot your teeth out this weekend. [imitating a record slowing down quickly]
  • - [scoffs] You can't sit with us. - Actually, MEGAN, I can't sit anywhere. I have
  • [over electronica] haemorrhoids.
  • And Jimmy, why are you writing on the wall? What are you, three?
  • [internally] Wait .. they *are* three. What are you, two?
  • Look at this cat.
  • [internally] How do I tell her I've already seen it? [sad and gentle piano music plays]
  • Just look your son in the eye and tell him .. you're adopted.
  • Hey, son?
  • I'm adopted.
  • Mmm, this smells delish!
  • And this smells like a armpit, here--
  • Do ever lay down and then you start to cry for-- and-- but you don't know why?
  • [the tranquil sounds of water and singing birds]
  • [voiceover says all the brand names at once]
  • Which is also the same year the Titanic sank.
  • Wha--?
  • Just spoiled the movie.
  • I'm Michael Jordan. Stop it. Get some help.
  • - HE CAN'T BREATHE! - Neither can I, when I'm with you.
  • [uplifting soft rock music plays]
  • - Who do you think the hottest girl in school is? - The Epcot ball.
  • - Well, I like Melanie, and not just 'cause she's pretty, I think she's... - [internally] Epcot......
  • - Time for bed. - Mr Snuffles says I can stay up as long as I want and you need to die!
  • What the heck, Mr Snu--?
  • [click]
  • [click]
  • [click]
  • [chocolate fish laughs ceaselessly]
  • Hey, you're that guy from Vine.
  • [the intro to 'Take On Me' by a-ha plays]
  • Pussy.
  • - Man, when I first met you I could tell that you were gay. - I wasn't trying to hide anything.
  • - No, like I COULD TELL. - Okay.
  • PENIS!!
  • - Betcha I can eat all these Fudge Stripes. - Meghan, no!
  • - One! - Meghan!
  • - Ohh... - Meghan!
  • - [sobs through a mouthful of Fudge Stripes] - Oh no, Meghan.
  • Hey!
  • Less Justin Bieber, more Justin Bible!
  • [to the tune of 'Baby' by Justin Bieber] Bible, Bible, Bible, oh.
  • You're gonna either have to choose me or your obsession with pointing out doors to people
  • Well .. there's the door.
  • - Do you have any last words? - No.
  • Oh, I guess that was my last word-- Oh, fuck! Now these are all my last words. Shit! Um ..
  • Why does this slide look like a butthole? These children travelling through a butthole. Why am I inside a butthole?
  • So, are you, like, Japanese?
  • Oh.
  • Hey! I was talking to myself the whole ti--
  • He's gonna be sorry he messed with Taylor Swift.
  • When you stump your parents with a hard math problem.
  • I tell you, son, I'm stumped.
  • And I'm your parents.
  • When you math your stump with a hard .. stump .. r-- parent problem.
  • I tell you, parent, I'm math, and it ..
  • .. you stumped me.
  • Hey, try this weed.
  • [inhales]
  • - This isn't weed, this is crack cocai-- - Psych! It's crack cocaine! Got--
  • [R&B music plays]
  • [coughs]
  • Yo, man, you coughing up blood! You gotta go to the doctor!
  • Oh no, it's cool, man, I'm probably just .. dying .. or some--
  • If I wanted to sin, I would have sex with my cat!
  • But I'M A CHRISTIAN!!!
  • Everyone is so obsessed with their phones and the internet
  • nobody even takes the time to see how many metal chairs I have-- [the crashing of metal chairs]
  • You're not my father any more ..
  • 'cause I'm a grown-up human!
  • - Is this peanut free? My son has an allergy. - That peanut's not free, that'll be a dollar.
  • You're lucky I hate my son so much.
  • If we're gonna date, you're gonna have to dress like a pilgrim, talk like a pilgrim ..
  • and you're gonna have to fuck like a pilgrim.
  • [rap music plays] Okay. Okay! Well, the language is a bit strong, but it has a nice tune.
  • Hey, babe. Happy one year.
  • I'm 27.
  • I've got so many hits, darling. [singing the same melody each time] Kiss me, honey, honey, kiss meee! Hey big spendeeerr!
  • I am what I aaaam! What now my looove! Summer thiiing! I who have nothing!
  • - Ugh, sweetcheeks, this has gotta go. - But that's my favourite shirt! - It's gotta go!
  • - Do we really have to get rid of it? - We're gonna set it on fire.
  • When you're at a dinner party and you read that article and you were not a fan.
  • I read that article; I was not a fan.
  • I smell like beef. I smell like beef. I smell like--
  • - Truth or dare? - Truth.
  • - Have you ever kissed anyone? - Yes.
  • - Who? - Okay, so .. you know that bee from The Bee Movie?
  • I didn't leave her any money, dude. On the line where it said 'tip', I just wrote my phone number instead.
  • Tiffany, this guy left me two billion d--
  • [singing to 80's-style electronic jazz] It's okay to have feelings......
  • Come look at this.
  • [laughter]
  • [angry noises]
  • Get away from me! I'm know you're gonna breathe on me with your gay ... carbon dioxide and make me gay.
  • ['Your Song' by Elton John plays]
  • [singing] It's a little Mitt Romney.
  • - Maybe we could mate some time? - Wait, did you say "mate"?
  • [saxophone music plays]
  • Am I in a vine? Is this a vine?
  • Ugh, I feel like I was born in the wrong generation.
  • I wish I was born in Mesopotamia, the world's first known human civilizat--
  • Heeyy! Hey, hey! Kids! Kids!
  • PATRICIA!!!!!
  • [gently] Honey, can you be quiet? I'm just trying to do some--
  • - Bumbleberry Conkersnatch! - Beagledick Conkerbonk.
  • - It's Bantercoot Crumblycatch! - Babyboop Kinglepank!
  • - It's Bongletoo Scoobydits--
  • I can't wait till winter, when guys wear shirts!
  • Uh-oh! Nobody tell my father I'm getting into his block of habanero cheese.
  • [singing in a sitcom/jingle style] Nobody tell my father that I'm getti--
  • [slowed down and deep] Pussy.
  • [rock guitar music plays]

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Description

a comp of all my fav vines and some slightly longer videos.

here are links to some of the creators of these vines:

- Victor Pope Jr: https://twitter.com/victorpopejr
- chloelmao: https://twitter.com/contrachloe
- ayitspnayo: https://twitter.com/ayitspnayo
- chrish: https://twitter.com/mistachrish
- mielmonster: https://twitter.com/miel
- Katie Ryan: https://twitter.com/KatieAva3
- Cole Hersch: https://twitter.com/colestwitt3r
- Gabriel Gundacker: https://twitter.com/gabegundacker
- Patrick Perkins: https://twitter.com/lil__blizzard
- enjajaja: https://twitter.com/en_jajaja
- uhhmmily: https://twitter.com/uhhmmily
- weaklingchris: https://twitter.com/christphrjoseph
- Matt Post: https://twitter.com/MattPostSaysHi
- Drew Gooden: https://twitter.com/drewisgooden