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I paid for the Hooked app and immediately regretted it

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00:00   |   May 12, 2019

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I paid for the Hooked app and immediately regretted it
I paid for the Hooked app and immediately regretted it thumb I paid for the Hooked app and immediately regretted it thumb I paid for the Hooked app and immediately regretted it thumb

Transcription

  • [Martha]:There's a rumor going around that Trevor Holt has the biggest... you-know-what.
  • [Drew]:Skiiiip
  • Youtube, stop showing me this ad
  • I don't wanna download Hooked
  • Anyway, now I can watch my video
  • [music]
  • (Internal voice): What'd they mean his "you-know-what?" I don't know what! And frankly, I don't appreciate the assumption that I would.
  • Whatever. I'm not gonna let this ruin my day off. I'm having a great time. So I'm just gonna enjoy my video
  • I'm not gonna think about the weird app and their cryptic language
  • I don't need to figure it out- [OUT LOUD] Oh they were talking about his dick!
  • Oh okay, I get it now.
  • Now, Hooked is very good at advertising
  • I have downloaded the Hooked app multiple times
  • and I always delete it, because it's never what I was expecting.
  • I am seeing so many ads for Hooked and so many different types of ads. They're really trying everything. It started with the stories
  • I've seen them kind of do, like, FaceTime versions of that, but they're acted really poorly
  • But this one's the first I've seen that has this level of production to it
  • It almost doesn't feel like the same app at all
  • It feels like I'm seeing an ad for, like, a new Netflix show
  • but one that's also porn.
  • Like this is very much the beginning
  • of
  • a porn
  • And because of that
  • I think it pretty much goes without saying
  • That I did download the app again. Cuz I had to see what the dick-- what the app is all about.
  • So the first thing that happens when you download the Hooked app
  • is they ask you if you want a scary story or a romantic story.
  • Because those are the only two types of stories. So obviously I picked romantic because I'm invested in what's going on with Trevor
  • And if you do that, here is what happens.
  • They immediately start playing the story they know that you came here for.
  • Which is great, um
  • But it cuts off
  • right as it's panning down.
  • They cut you off and say no, no, no, no, no
  • If you want to see that, you gotta sign up. Well, that's fine. I'll just sign up to a membership.
  • And look I'm getting seven days free!
  • And then after that, it's only
  • $4.99 a week. *Explosions because of how insane that is*
  • Are you kidding?
  • That's like $250 for the year. Don't worry though
  • There is a more cost-effective way to sign up for a year of the Hooked app.
  • If you do a whole year all at once, it's only $40.
  • Which sure, in comparison to $250.
  • Yeah, I guess that's better. A monthly subscription is $15.
  • So you're telling me I could either spend
  • $15 a month on
  • Netflix and watch every show and every movie or I could spend the same price on this, the Hooked app, but of course
  • I'm invested. I've seen this ad cut off so many times, I've seen this shot just a few seconds ago
  • So I have to see what comes right after it
  • So I'm gonna sign up for the 7 days free so I can at least watch this story and figure it out
  • and I'm definitely not going to forget that I signed up for a free trial and I'm going to
  • cancel before they charge me, cuz I've never done that before, where I sign up for a free trial and then forgot
  • And then paid for HBO Now for 4 months.
  • I've never done that before
  • Anyway, let's watch the rest of the story now.
  • [Martha]: --in school, and
  • Here he is.
  • Standing outside my dorm room.
  • Naked. [music]
  • [Drew]:Wait, it's the same as the ad?
  • That I've already seen?
  • That's what I signed up for?
  • Oh wait, no, okay, looks like it's about a
  • 15-minute movie.
  • That's good.
  • I'm sure this will be entertaining.
  • [Martha]: What are you doing?
  • [Drew]:Okay, let me sum up this movie for you. Trevor comes in. He's butt-ass naked
  • He asked Martha, the main character, to lie to this other girl and say that he's not here, even though he is.
  • Apparently he's hiding from this girl, because--
  • [Trevor]:She jumped me in the shower
  • [Drew]:-- But anyway, Martha hides him.
  • He's like, 'Thanks for hiding me under your bed. Now I owe you a favor,' and she knows exactly what to do.
  • [Trevor]:What can I do you for Martha?
  • [Martha]:*gasp* "Drew Longhorn!"
  • [Drew]:Drew Longhorn.
  • [Martha]:Yeah.
  • Drew Longhorn.
  • [Drew]:That's the name of her crush. And also the name of my alter ego, who is a cowboy.
  • [Martha]:I want to kiss Drew Longhorn. [Drew]:hmph, don't we all.
  • But anyway, he's like, okay. Well, I owe you one
  • So I'll help you get on a date with Drew Longhorn, and here's how we're gonna do it.
  • We're gonna show up to a party, and I'm gonna pretend to be your boyfriend, and then he's gonna be jealous
  • And then he'll want to be your boyfriend...
  • Wait I just watched a Netflix movie with this same exact plot.
  • [old lady]:I don't know the first thing about abs.
  • Unless it's the bloomin' onion at Outback Steakhouse. [Drew]:Speaking of movie clichés, on the way to the party
  • He's giving her all these pointers about how to get a guy to pay attention to you,
  • You know, things like, smile at him, make eye contact, and this is all such a foreign idea to her.
  • WaIT a MINutE
  • You're telling me all this time, I was supposed to be looking at guys? And giving them a little smile?
  • Cuz what I was doing was turning my back to him and farting on his face
  • But this does seem like a better plan.
  • [both] *ovelapping* "Sure!" "Nah."
  • [Drew]:now, you're not gonna believe what happens next
  • I know this is gonna sound crazy but it turns out that Drew Longhorn, the guy she thinks she likes, is
  • actually a douchebag. So she's very distraught, and as a result this happens:
  • *clattering noises as she stumbles out of the party*
  • *ehEhEHeheHeHeH*
  • *more stumbling and then an EPIC FALL*
  • Wow, I'm surprised they didn't need to get a stunt double for that fall. That was intense.
  • *airplane noises*
  • I'm sorry to spoil the ending for you, but what happens next is that she...
  • ends up with Trevor!
  • [Martha]:The guy with the biggest... you-know-what. [Drew]: Isn't that crazy guys? That they ended up together.
  • I didn't think that they would.
  • [Martha]: and me,
  • The Virgin.
  • [Drew]Um.. It's a cute little movie, I guess
  • I'm not sure if it warrants its own IMDB page, but that certainly didn't stop them.
  • The thing is, like obviously, I'm not the target audience for this movie. I could see someone
  • enjoying this; there's a decent production value. If they made a whole bunch of these and put them on an app,
  • I could totally see the value in charging a monthly fee, sure, but this isn't what the app is. There's one
  • video on the whole app and we just watched it.
  • So even if you loved this short film and wanted to see more, you couldn't! That's it.
  • You've already watched the entire app.
  • You gotta read the rest. Which again, there is absolutely value in having unlimited access to what looks like a few hundred short stories?
  • If the stories are good...?
  • Um, so let's read a few of them. Literally the first story that I ever read on Hooked
  • uh, is insane. It's called "Panty Raid," and it's these two guy friends texting each other back and forth
  • One of them is in a girl's closet
  • Wait, I just noticed their names are Jim and Roy,
  • Is the girl's name Pam by any chance?
  • Oh, here she comes!
  • What how!!!!??? Just shut up. Yeah, shut up. She's here. She might hear your... texting.
  • She's just "texting to someone."
  • Boring!
  • Relax, Jim! Good lord!
  • Okay, hold on. He's texting Jim with one hand. He's making sure to text
  • constant updates, then he's holding the camera with the other hand, and then I guess with his third hand,
  • That's how he opened the door?
  • Okay, and then this is where it somehow gets even weirder
  • I have the camera rolling, (in my third hand) but the shower screen is all fogged up.
  • Okay, seriously, who is this Jim guy? What the fuck is-- What is this situation?
  • (Jim is still as horny now as he was earlier.)
  • So did he say ow, and text ow?
  • And that's "Panty Raid."
  • I mean, I'm glad it wasn't a happy ending for Roy, because he was kind of being a perv.
  • I wish Jim had the same outcome though. I feel like he gets away scot-free.
  • So... that's kind of a bummer.
  • The next one I read is called "Poisoned."
  • And this one has some crazy plot twists.
  • So, in this one, Eve is texting her friend Bri, concerned,
  • thinking that her boyfriend is poisoning her because she has all these symptoms, and it only
  • happens whenever she sleeps over at his house and he cooks her dinner.
  • Which, okay, let's just say he IS poisoning her right? He's using poison. He's putting poison in her food
  • Wouldn't she be dead by now?
  • What kind of shitty-ass poison did this guy buy that it's just giving her a headache?
  • That's really shitty poison. What, did he buy it from like a garage sale?
  • Now this is where it's also revealed that Eve is an aspiring author
  • She's been writing a lot of books throughout the years but none of them have been able to get published
  • She's still like trying to figure it out
  • But she's working on a book now
  • that Dan (her boyfriend) is not too fond of.
  • So her friend, Bri is like, 'alright, you should go to the doctor, and if they find any
  • poison in your system, then we use that as evidence against Dan.'
  • Four hours later:
  • After four hours?
  • She's got a good doctor!
  • He's been putting cyanide in her food?
  • cYaNiDe? And she's just like getting headaches? I had to double-check this, cuz I was pretty sure she would have died instantly
  • and yeah if you have cyanide in your system, you'll die in like two minutes.
  • And she's just "feeling woozy."
  • But okay, so, we'll just accept that she has cyanide in her system. That's what we're gonna go with here.
  • Jesus Christ, Eve.
  • Okay, so what happens next is Dan comes over. He makes her dinner once again, and she's suspicious
  • of course, so she only
  • "pretends" to eat the food,
  • which I guess Dan doesn't notice, that she's pretending to eat
  • *om nom nom*
  • [Drew 1]:Mmm! Good sandwich, honey! [Drew 2]:Babe, I can see that you're not actually holding anything
  • [Drew 1]:Mmm! Yummy sandwich.
  • [Drew 2]:I made spaghetti.
  • [Drew]:Occasionally what she does is she takes bites and stores them in her cheeks.
  • You know, like a squirrel?
  • so I'm pretty sure now that this is a story about squirrels. So she stores it in her cheeks and then goes to the
  • bathroom and spits it out into a plastic bag. But before she can hide it, Dan walks in.
  • [Uh, nothing.]
  • (laugh track)
  • Okay, he like barely tried to deny it and then he just left. But we're still going.
  • It doesn't say 'slow clap' there but i feel like her character would at that moment.
  • Why? And this right here guys, is the twist of the century.
  • She killed her friend
  • to steal her book and take credit for it. Her friend, who is not an established author, who has NEVER WRITTEN
  • a successful book in her entire career, she killed her, so that she
  • could say that she wrote the book, and she's going to become rich from the book.
  • Its...
  • incredible, it's poetic. It's the perfect crime
  • Steal a book from someone who's never written a successful book and risk going to jail forever
  • by doing so. That's...
  • Amazing. So I guess the question now is, is the Hooked app worth
  • Fifteen dollars a mon--
  • No.
  • I will say, going through all the stories, there were a couple good ones
  • especially the horror stories tend to be a little bit more engaging than any of the others. Actually the ones with
  • real human voices voice acting them, those are pretty good. But just like with the story about Trevor
  • There's only I think three or four of those on the entire app
  • And that's what they had always used to advertise the Hooked app. They acted like that was the whole app
  • When, you know, you download it and there's only a couple that are actually like that, and the rest
  • you gotta read, and are much more boring. To me this just seems like a classic case of "false app advertising."
  • It's a lot like all those mobile game ads that make it look like it's gonna be some Triple-A console game
  • for your phone, and then you download it and you realize all they did was animate a fake cutscene to sell the game,
  • but the actual game looks like this.
  • I imagine they're making a decent amount of money
  • I mean they already made $5 from me, cuz I signed up last week and forgot to cancel
  • Just like I said I wouldn't.
  • Maybe throw a little bit less money into all this false advertising
  • and use some of that money to just like, hire more voice actors?
  • It couldn't be that expensive to have a few people just go through and actually narrate some of these stories
  • It's not like they're that long. So just do that, and then it wouldn't be false advertising anymore
  • It would just be... advertising. Final verdict. I give the Hooked app two bottles of poison out of five.
  • Well with that being said, why don't we hear a word from our sponsor?
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  • It's a YA novel about a can of beans that comes to.. life...

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Thanks to expressVPN for sponsoring today's video! Get 3 months off your first year of ExpressVPN: https://www.expressvpn.com/drew

This video is not about James Charles or Trisha Paytas or Mother’s Day or anything remotely relevant. It is a video about an app.

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