Hypotheticals: The Wagyu Program

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12:58   |   Jan 27, 2019


Hypotheticals: The Wagyu Program
Hypotheticals: The Wagyu Program thumb Hypotheticals: The Wagyu Program thumb Hypotheticals: The Wagyu Program thumb


  • Hey everyone
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  • domics or text domics to 500
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  • Elon Musk can consume me, I would be ok with it.
  • Alright, that- that's gonna be taken out of context for sure
  • bam ba bam ba DUNUN
  • *CLAP* (cue video)
  • Hello guys! I am Domics.. or Dom,
  • I'm here joined by, uh.. two friends, I guess we'll start on my right.
  • * laughs *
  • I think the icons are arranged differently per person.
  • Uh.. yeah, my name's Kressh, I'm a friend of Dom's,
  • it's not "Kreeeeesh", for all you people that butchered my name in the last video.
  • ** lip smack **
  • And, I'm Jomm,
  • with a J ) :(
  • ** more laughing **
  • Okay, sooo.. when I was in Orlando last month,
  • I went to a Japanese restaurant, and got to try A-5 Wagyu, the highest grade of Japanese beef,
  • uh.. they gave this like certificate of authenticity because
  • Wagyu quality is often scammed outside of Japan, whether or not that certificate itself is authentic,
  • I couldn't tell you, I wouldn't know how to prove it.
  • My cattle was born in November 2015, and it was processed in May of 2018.
  • So, it was nearly 3 years old.
  • ** weird cough **
  • Um, In cattle-
  • Haha, what?
  • Y-you ate a child, like, it was 3 years old.
  • i t w a s g o o d.
  • ** nervous laughing **
  • So, cattle live around, uhm
  • 18 to 22 years old,
  • so, 20 on average, meaning in human years, mine lived about 13 or 14 years old.
  • So, kind of a teenager.
  • Is this where the FBI joke comes in?
  • ** huHUHHUHUHh **
  • The overused FBI joke?
  • This- this hypothetical is gonna piss off alot of vegans.
  • But despite that, they should know that, the cattle are treated very well in their upbringing up to the time they're proccessed,
  • they're like massaged everyday.
  • So they-they live that A-5 life.
  • Better than anything we'll have.
  • Yeah, I know? ** laugh **
  • Which leads us to the hypothetical.
  • If you were offered,
  • would you live a Wagyu life? Like, would you take on a life of grandeur in exchange for
  • becoming a meal when you're like uhh.. like 30?
  • 30 so not 13. Yeah, yeah
  • Yeah, that's what I meant like change. Okay
  • Okay, you can't really consent to that when you're born?
  • You know, like let's say they offered a plan like the shorter you live the more grand
  • I was gonna ask about that like that. So like the longer you wait the it's like less your paychecks come in
  • Yeah, so this is assuming we live in a world where human meat is desired
  • Demand for it. So it's like is 20 like a five thirty like a three. What's the scaling?
  • You become a twelve if you pick the one year plan
  • Well, I can flat-out say I would not take the one year plan
  • Uh, one year of posh livings
  • One year and you get like
  • infinite money to spend every day if we're
  • Arguments do we get to live like on a farm or do we get to go out? I don't know. No
  • No, it's just you get to live whatever, okay?
  • What if I'm boss movie like the Mafia? Yes, it's like they just super luxurious
  • Hang out with you on musk every day like that. That's you're a five-point
  • I mean, he's cool, but I'm not gonna kill myself in a year to hang out with Elon. I'm sure
  • You ain't shit. Yes, suddenly
  • Cannibalism became legal and we were given waivers to if we want to live posh lives for our meat. Yeah
  • I mean, you know, we're we're an overpopulated planet. So oh that's true cannibalism might not be so good. Don't quote me on that
  • I don't know. What would you do down like would you take this well considering I'm turning 28 this year
  • Like if I had the choices if I could maybe push it to 240 years old but live a less
  • 3 million subscribers. Listen, I'm not really one to live a super grand life
  • You know, like I I I'm a simple guy I animate my work in there play smash when I go home
  • I don't know if I need the a 5 life to reach that so it's a no for me
  • All right
  • That's very that's like another layer. That's kind of weird to think about is like how would you come out to your parents about that?
  • I'ma become meat i'ma live that wagyu life yeah ever since I was young. All I wanted to do was was be Wagyu or
  • Or maybe you wouldn't even have parents
  • Maybe that's just like a standard in that kind of like
  • Society is that your parents are all gone by like 40 or whatever it is
  • they became wagged you and then you like I want to be like my parents when I grow up sure a
  • delicious meal wait do you experience the pain of like, um
  • Well, I could sense that you guys are leaning towards
  • No, so let's say it is a very humane execution you do you want us to say yes
  • I want to see you setting something up
  • About the video anymore like you just want to know I want to see my friends get eat. I
  • Think in this society where like a Wagyu lifestyle is the norm
  • I would assume a lot of my friends would be coming and going like hey, I'm Jim
  • Like how old are you? I'm like, I'm 29. All right
  • What plan do you have?
  • What do you subscribe to?
  • so then I guess in that case maybe I would because it's like
  • even if I live a long nice like normal not wagyu life if everyone else is living these like super nice life I might as
  • Well, D like say you're a poor
  • Man Wagoner is just like I don't want to be left behind
  • This is a this is a Disney movie. I don't want to be a Wagyu I want to live
  • Nonsense I want to grow. old, yeah, I mean like because after 30, that's when your body starts giving up on you
  • Right, we would save a lot on
  • Trying to preserve our health and instead we just go ham for like 15 years
  • You probably be really healthy too while you're doing it
  • Like they would take care of you like yeah
  • The the waggy life they have like meal plan for you every day and a workout plan personal trainer. Do you guys eat Wagyu Oh,
  • The previous a
  • Humans, wait, what if what if I cheat the system?
  • What if I subscribe to the a5 lives and then right before I'm about to be processed?
  • I just like I make a break for it
  • the'll Come get you they go
  • They process you that's a Netflix original wait
  • What if I get really sick like oh, yeah, they can't you can't be sick when your wagyu man they'll help you
  • You can't they won't let you when you sneeze there. They're
  • Good. This is this is actually like the untold theory behind attack on tightness. We're all run away wag use take contracts
  • Oh
  • Yeah, that's another thing. I want to ask instead of signing up for the wagyu. Would you be?
  • Like if you were just a normal guys eating the Wagyu would you like consciously be okay
  • Participating in this kind of meal. Oh, like if you're the demographic of the resetting end, yeah i dont give a fuck
  • *lol*
  • if its good yeah if its good
  • So, you know people are like doing this why are you stuff and you know you're eating people and they're the ones funding all of it
  • Oh, yeah, but they consented to it. Yeah, they're pink. They may be what this was. Yeah
  • It's Westworld, but it's wagyu world so do you think celebrities would cost even more as Wagyu I
  • Mean if you're already celebrity, why do you need to go wag you you know, like you you already have lucky you're good
  • Why are you here? Would you want other people to know you're on that wagon? You planned? Yeah, I wouldn't be ashamed
  • It's true
  • If anything if anything, I would take my Wagyu I would sacrifice myself to spreads the Wagyu
  • Like I feel like Jon you don't have to become a wagyu. I'll let you drive this f1 car
  • Oh, shit
  • But then don't you think the people running the company would have some kind of policy against that otherwise?
  • nobody I'd be going into this business and even then I'll just I'm threatening like what are you gonna threaten them we are already gonna eat you
  • If you guys don't let me take him t-to drive the f1 car, I'll chop my arm off right now
  • *everyone giggles*
  • bet they wont let you
  • ded
  • What if I cross contaminate with an a4 for what that's another series right there spin on love story between an A4 and a5 that's
  • Considered interracial if an a5 has a kid with an A1 does the kid become a3 there a a3
  • would it be weird if friends ate each other then um
  • no.
  • like would you be okay with that or would you want to be eaten by a stranger like if
  • Like you provided me with this life. So yeah, you could eat me like i'd like that (idk what he said) you paid for this Yeah, you deserve it
  • That's gross. Dude. You're like standing next to your friend. You just look here a little bit. Like I can't wait
  • Would this be like?
  • Monopolize or would this be like there'd be chains and stuff for this Oh like you could go to wendy's wagy you or like you?
  • know like
  • Mick wag you I
  • realized the perfect plot twist to the Wagyu the Wagyu World Series
  • Instead all the Wagyu like the head the head guys at Wagyu world are all cows
  • But then what if everyone in the world just wants to do it like you can't have everyone do it
  • I don't think anyone can just be a Wagyu like they don't take every cow
  • They have to have a selection process for this right like raise your right leg from burger now
  • you said you have to be qualified to stuff like you could still be wagyu, but you could probably be like
  • C3 Wagyu grade. All right boku. No hero Wagyu enough
  • The main character has no main characters a d1. Yeah
  • I'm a d1 wagyu and this is how I became the greatest wagyu yeah
  • That's gross because he's like, he's like you got to eat my DNA
  • I think the moral of this episode is that quality is better than quantity
  • You don't need a hundred bad friends
  • Just one really good wagyu yeah, that's the moral if you have one really bad friend who is wagyu then you eat them
  • he was a bad friend
  • But would you want to eat like a dick like or not WHOA
  • HAHAHA (demonitized)
  • what the f-
  • holy sh-
  • Pertain to like I can't say you want to eat an asshole like that can't even be like a threat
  • that's not even like you can't be like go eat a dick and then they'll be like, yeah if it's wagyu ill do it
  • Yeah, I'm like wondering, uh, like what death row even be a thing anymore
  • Would it just be like wagyu row but then you'd be giving like inmates really like better lives then no
  • It's suck like this guy murder your family and now he gets to go wagyu like you but then you get you can eat them. Yes
  • What do you plead I plead Wagyu
  • Is there is there vegan Wagyu
  • Like vegan people the vegans
  • Vegan Wagyu meat
  • Thank you guys for joining us on this. Hi. I don't know. I'm just gonna call it hypotheticals
  • I'm too lazy to think of a unique name
  • wagyutheticals
  • Heiple Aggie cool super
  • Laggy world episode one. I
  • Really? Hope someone like comments and says, oh, yeah, that's that's a book
  • I'm gonna read that so quick
  • And it just so happens that today's sponsor is audible the leading provider of premium
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  • How precious your time is and how to manage it in a way that you're not wasting it on things that you don't truly find
  • Important but hey if you guys know of a book about wagyu people or I guess it would be called wajin please
  • Let me know I'd listen to it in a heartbeat
  • once again
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