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How Spider-Man Far From Home Should Have Ended

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Aug 27, 2019

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How Spider-Man Far From Home Should Have Ended
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Transcription

  • Okay...
  • Finally done equipping my glasses with access to all my state of the art technology...
  • for Peter in case I die.
  • Now to just write some vague instructions to turn them on...
  • and give them to Nick Fury, who will hopefully just hand them over to Peter one day.
  • Here's a bright idea.
  • How about you DON'T give military grade death drone controlling 80's glasses
  • to an easily influenced hormonal teenager just because he has a foxy aunt.
  • Oh dang! You're right!
  • Here you go Rhodey!
  • ♫ And I... ♫
  • ♫ Will try not to forget you ♫
  • ♫ OooooOOooooooo ♫
  • ♫ But come on let's be realistic ♫
  • ♫ Things change after time ♫
  • ♫ Oh yeah ♫
  • ♫ Oh but you were the best... ♫
  • ♫ When you were around ♫
  • Gone, but not forgotten.
  • Five years ago half of the world blipped out of existence.
  • but thanks to the acts of these mighty heroes...
  • those who blipped away were saved.
  • Well... everyone who wasn't on an airplane.
  • (screams)
  • Or on a boat...
  • (screams)
  • Or people in high traffic areas.
  • Okay I think they get it!
  • It's really nice to have someone to talk to about this super hero stuff.
  • Anytime.
  • Thanks.
  • What the!
  • uh oh! Why are you a ghost?
  • Whelp! Gotta go!
  • Byeeeeeee!
  • You're up kid!
  • Alright, Fire, try this on for size!
  • What the heck?
  • What is happening here?
  • Whelp. Gotta go!
  • Byeeeeeeeee!
  • Now that is some bull crap.
  • Fury wouldn't say crap.
  • Dang it girl! You're gonna give me away!
  • Oh man! I'm out of webs!
  • I really wish their was a multiverse.
  • Well lucky for you there is!
  • What? Who are you?!
  • We call it the Spider-verse, but yeah the multiverse is totally a thing.
  • Hey. I'm Spider-Man.
  • Whoa!
  • And I'm the Amazing Spider-Man!
  • Awesome!
  • What makes you so amazing?
  • I... I can ride a skateboard.
  • Okay.
  • And we're all here too!
  • Hey.
  • Awesome! Let's do this!
  • Does anyone have any extra webs?
  • Whoohoo Bam!
  • Ha ha!
  • What's up drone?
  • This little piggy went SMASH!
  • Pew Pew Pew!
  • You ever heard of the shoulder touch?!
  • Yoohooo!
  • (kiss)
  • Kablamo!
  • Edith, is this real?
  • All illusions are terminated, Peter.
  • Are we sure about that?
  • I say we poke him with a stick!
  • Ow! Stop! I'm dead!
  • Yeah. He's not dead.
  • Dang it Edith!
  • You got me?
  • I got you.
  • Holy crap!
  • That was close!
  • Well at least I didn't die.
  • Oh no there's more!
  • AAAAAGGGGGH!
  • EDITH, terminate all the drones!
  • I'm sorry. I can't do that, Peter.
  • What? Why?
  • You have not been granted control from Quentin Beck.
  • Sorry Pal.
  • Oh my gosh! AAAAAGGGH!
  • So the drones got him...
  • Which was kind of sad.
  • But now I can continue to manipulate the masses
  • Because I'm a master illusionist.
  • Oh you think you're a master of illusions?
  • Ha ha ha. Don't make me laugh
  • You're a rip off of Syndrome at best.
  • Exactly!
  • Hey, Bubble Boy!
  • Why don't you take a seat next to the Mandarin over there
  • And come back when you're done copying me!
  • I'm not copying you!
  • If anything you copied me!
  • You wish!
  • You guys are just jealous because everyone finds me most attractive.
  • (laughter)
  • Yeah what about Killmonger?
  • I mean me!
  • I am obviously the most attractive
  • Everybody shut up!
  • I'm preparing for my return.
  • I wish I could quit you.
  • EDITH? Yes, Peter?
  • I'd like to transfer control to Quentin Beck.
  • Quentin Beck
  • Former Stark employee.
  • What?
  • Developed hologram projection technology.
  • And was fired for being unstable.
  • Are you serious?
  • Multiple hologram drones detected.
  • Former Stark employee.
  • Is there something wrong?
  • Do you still wish to transfer control, Peter?
  • No! Cancel that request, EDITH!
  • Give me those glasses!
  • Hey do you have super strength?
  • Because I do!
  • My drones!
  • My guy!
  • My plan!
  • After that Nick Fury took Mysterio and his gang away...
  • I made out with MJ for a bit...
  • Told her my secret identity.
  • WHAT?! WHAT?!
  • Dude!
  • You can't give away your secret identity!
  • Peter, Tony would want you to say...
  • Well I did and I'm awesome so in your face.
  • not now EDITH.
  • What's the big deal?
  • I thought you tell girls your secret identity all the time.
  • Of course I do!
  • Do you know why?
  • Because I'm an adult and I can handle it.
  • You're just a kid.
  • He didn't tell me.
  • It was actually pretty obvious.
  • Honestly I'm embarrassed the whole class hasn't figured it out by now.
  • You're like always missing when Spider-Man is around...
  • And you both sound exactly the same.
  • That's not obvious!
  • We don't sound the same.
  • Does anyone else know your secret identity?
  • Not really just a few people like...
  • Aunt May...
  • and Ned...
  • and Happy...
  • And Nick Fury...
  • and Maria Hill...
  • and Doctor Strange...
  • And well actually all of the Avengers know
  • But they're all good guys!
  • And that's it?
  • I guess I tell Mysterio my name
  • And I hung out with him in what I thought was a public bar...
  • without my mask on.
  • I'm pretty sure the vulture knows your name too.
  • And he's still alive.
  • hehe.
  • Yeah you're screwed.
  • No you guys are being paranoid.
  • I've got this under control.
  • But that's not all folks
  • Here's the real blockbuster!
  • Brace yourself you might wanna sit down.
  • Spider-Man's real name is...
  • (gasp) EDITH, disrupt this transmission!
  • Of course Peter. Spider-Man's name... is...
  • What?!
  • That's not true!
  • I'm JJ Jameson!
  • I'm not Spider-Man!
  • Spider-Man is...
  • What is happening, people!?
  • Look. Here's his photo!
  • The real Spider-Man is...
  • You are all fired!
  • Whew!
  • Hey. What's up?
  • Hey. Just calling to check in.
  • So.. I think it went well.
  • They don't seem to suspect anything.
  • Did you say Because I'm Batman?
  • No.
  • You gotta say Because I'm Batman.
  • Why?
  • Because I'm Batman!
  • I'm sorry! The opportunity didn't really present itself.
  • I seriously doubt that.
  • Well I don't know what to do. They're all gone now.
  • Just don't forget next time!
  • Ugh!
  • (sigh)
  • Do you think we should head back?
  • No! They got this.
  • You don't think that will create confusion?
  • Make people question who's real or not?
  • No.
  • Or how long they've been Skrulls?
  • No.
  • You don't think sending Skrulls in our stead makes it look like we didn't care about helping Spider-Man deal with his problems on Earth?
  • You guys are ruining my space vacation!
  • Where the heck are the Avengers?!

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How Spider-Man Far From Home Should Have Ended

We let the awesome folks who attended our SDCC panel this year put their ideas for a FFH HISHE in a box. We then took those ideas home and made you this episode. Thank you so much to everyone who participated. We really enjoyed getting to work on this one.

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