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Game Theory: The END of Princess Peach! (New Super Mario Bros U Deluxe Peachette / Bowsette)

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14:42   |   Oct 06, 2018

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Game Theory: The END of Princess Peach! (New Super Mario Bros U Deluxe Peachette / Bowsette)
Game Theory: The END of Princess Peach! (New Super Mario Bros U Deluxe Peachette / Bowsette) thumb Game Theory: The END of Princess Peach! (New Super Mario Bros U Deluxe Peachette / Bowsette) thumb Game Theory: The END of Princess Peach! (New Super Mario Bros U Deluxe Peachette / Bowsette) thumb

Transcription

  • The recent Nintendo Direct introduced the world to the pooper crown
  • A pooper uper which apparently changes the character who nabs it into a 'pooperfied' version of themselves.
  • They showed its effects on Toadette and that's all it took for the Internet's imaginations to go wild.
  • But while everyone else was busy searching for Bowsette content on, um…less brand-safe sites…
  • Did anyone actually stop to consider what happens when Toads other than Toadette touch this thing? Like, say, Yellow Toad?
  • *Power Mushroom sound effect*
  • *Daisy sound effect* ('Ya-hou!')
  • And what's the other main color of Toad? Oh yeah, blue.
  • *Power Mushroom sound effect*
  • *Rosalina sound effect* ("Woo!")
  • Did that just blow your mind? Ah; wait, never mind. You're still busy looking at Bowsette.
  • * Glitchy Intro theme plays*
  • *Keyboard key clicks, over a continuously glitching audio noise*
  • Hello Internet!
  • Welcome to Game Theory! Where, let's be honest with ourselves, Bowsette would NOT be hot.
  • She'd look like this:
  • *Monstrous roar*
  • Hate to burst your 'good girl, gone bad' fantasy bubble there, guys and gals.
  • No, my friends, let me shoot straight with ya: Waluigiette is where it's at. Oho, yeah…
  • Now if you have NO idea what I'm talking about,
  • let me catch you up: In the trailer for New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe -
  • a name that would make Street Fighter proud -
  • We get to see this nifty new mushroom-crown hybrid power-up that's able to turn Toadette into a brand new character
  • Nintendo is calling 'Peachette', who, for supposedly being this brand new character, looks an awful lot like Peach;
  • she's got her own version of floating jump that Peach has, she has blonde hair, the pink dress;
  • I wouldn't blame you if you thought that this was just Peach in a new costume, but if you look closer,
  • it's clear that the two are indeed
  • separate characters. While the different shoes could be shrugged off as a simple change of footwear,
  • the dress has structure and lacks wrinkles, even when it's in motion.
  • It really does appear to be just an oversized mushroom.
  • Additionally, Peachette has grey eyes, whereas Peach has blue; which is particularly interesting,
  • since with every powerup that Mario and Luigi have ever gotten, they always maintain the same eye color.
  • Lastly, because no Mario episode would be complete without arbitrary pixel measurements,
  • I DID run the numbers and Peachette is indeed shorter than Peach's canon height.
  • Anyways, I think we can safely rule out Peachette as a mere palette swap and confidently say
  • that she's her own separate, but obviously related character within the Mushroom Kingdom.
  • But before we begin to celebrate the arrival of an EXTREMELY unexpected
  • new character to the Marioverse, we should probably take a moment to assess the implications
  • of what Peachette's mere existence in canon lore means for the Mushroom Kingdom.
  • Because guess what? The addition of Toadette's evolved form is GAME CHANGING
  • from a lore perspective, and may lead to the SINGLE darkest event in Mario's overall narrative arc.
  • So strap in, Nintendo. When I reveal the MASSIVE ramifications of making Peachette
  • so close to Peach, you may just rethink any future attempts to quickly slap together
  • some half realized power-ups in an attempt to spice up a re-release.
  • Let's get started! To begin, the Super Crown powerup immediately throws one HUGE question into focus.
  • Is Peach ACTUALLY human, or is she instead an evolved form of toad?
  • It seems like an absurd prospect;
  • that Peach could somehow be nothing more than a sophisticated shiitake;
  • more MOREL than man.
  • But looking closer, there does indeed seem to be more to this
  • Mycelial mystery than first meets the eye. I mean, she WAS originally called Princess Toadstool
  • after all; something that no one in their right mind ever had any reason to assume was anywhere close to being literal until
  • Apparently today modern Nintendo is weird. But again, that was all just a name
  • Is there anything in the Mario canon that could possibly link toadstool to actual toadstools? Yes.
  • Yes, there is. The clues were hiding in plain sight for us since the very first GAME
  • and we've simply been overlooking the evidence the entire time way back in the original NES manual for Super Mario Brothers
  • It's established., that peach has a father, the "Mushroom King" quote
  • "The only one who can undo the magic smell on the mushroom people and return them to their normal selves is the Princess Toadstool."
  • "Daughter of the Mushroom King." and if you think that's just a remnant of 1980s
  • mistranslation or some poorly thought-out first game lore
  • Well think again, the manual for 1999 Super Mario brothers deluxe says the exact same thing
  • but again
  • "It is said that only the daughter of the Mushroom King Princess Toadstool can break the evil spell" end quote. So if Nintendo
  • truly wanted to retcon this guy out of the story that
  • Re-release would have been their chance to do it. So it definitely he appears like he's a real entity in this universe
  • What's more he also has a wife?
  • In 1987's official Nintendo player's guide we see that quote "The mushroom people were ruled by a good king and queen."
  • and what's more despite them never once appearing in any game ever?
  • We do get a chance to see them a second release in 1987 how to win at Super Mario Brothers
  • Which is another book created by official Nintendo employees
  • Revealed for the first time imagery of the Mushroom King and his wife king and queen Stool
  • Look familiar?
  • both of them sporting mushroom heads just like their subjects adding to the evidence that Peach
  • Started as a little baby Shroom-Lance and what's more that's not her only
  • familial connection here. In Super Mario RPG for the Super Nintendo,
  • You can actually sneak a peek into peaches castles bedrooms
  • and well
  • You might be distracted by Samus from Metroid being in the guest bedroom, or Peaches
  • "???" hiding in the corner and that's a- huh,
  • That's a theory we covered before link is in the iCard. It's an oldie, but it's a goodie
  • They're not the only interesting things to see in this room. You'll also find an elderly toad woman simply named
  • Grandma. Does the name necessarily prove that she's related?
  • No, but she is trusted enough to be the only other person to know about Peaches' secret personal item stashed over in the corner
  • So, you know regardless we have a princess named toadstool who has herself a fungal headed family
  • Which definitely starts to give some credence to the idea that she went from womb, to
  • shroom. Now, let's change directions for a minute instead of talking about more mushrooms
  • Let's talk about bees. Honey bees specifically
  • I'm sure most of you already have a general idea of how honey bee colonies work with one queen bee
  • Ruling over a bunch of female workers and male drone bees
  • But do you know how a queen is chosen?
  • In a bee hive female workers who are selected as potential queens, are taken to special cells within the hive to receive frankly put
  • "Royal treatment" among having personal servants to do everything
  • They could want, the nurse bees feed them huge amounts of royal jelly
  • a substance that's chock-full of nutrients that allow the selected few to grow into the we'd the Queens and matures and rules and
  • Reproduces until she grows old or abandons the hive at which point the process repeats. Now,
  • Why would I digress and tell you about this little bee plot?
  • Well, think about it. The mushroom King literally
  • disappears from the Mario Canon after a last hurrah in a coloring book from the 80s, being the only royalty left, Peach is without
  • question, the acting Queen in the Mushroom Kingdom
  • Notice how in Super Mario RPG we see the throne room and there's only one chair and it is specifically hers. Sure,
  • She might be referring to herself as princess
  • But for all intents and purposes she is the queen this is important because toads are servants to Princess Peach
  • It's confirmed in the Super Mario Brothers manual and reaffirm pretty much every other time. The toads role is clarified in the lore
  • They are literally the worker and drone bees of the Mushroom Kingdom
  • Hi serving their female ruler between peach
  • it's also worth remembering that according to qu Ichi hayashida codes are genderless and merely expressed the
  • Characteristics of gender so really there could be any number of drone or worker toads, and we could be none the wiser
  • Now what has the super crown shown us that a normal worker?
  • Toadette can be fed a special item and become just like the Queen the super crown is quite literally the royal jelly
  • Of the Mushroom Kingdom taking a normal worker and transforming them into ruler of the colony now
  • I can understand some skepticism here taking the leap from fungus to B isn't the most obvious connection
  • But it is worth pointing out that most fungi are closer to being an animal than they are a plant look at a cladogram
  • Which is a branching diagram showing the relationship between species and you can instantly see that fungi are grouped closer to us than they are
  • to plants or bacteria
  • I mean after all
  • mushroom the cells are given most of their structure by the fibrous substance known as chitin the very same sorts of chitin found in the
  • Exoskeletons of insects now, of course. I'm not saying that the denizens of the Mushroom Kingdom are insects
  • Not only would that be terrifying it would make less sense than the whole peach is a mushroom thing
  • But I am saying that the evolutionary groundwork is there for a mushroom to some how
  • Miraculously level up to human status even the changes in eye colour support the idea of a Toadette to Peachette toPeach
  • maturation process when babies are born, especially
  • fair-skinned ones like peach they have light-colored eyes because they have very little
  • Melanin a type of pigment that gives color to the eyes skin and hair but after birth light stimulates the production of melanin
  • Which is why the eye color may darken or change over time true story when Ollie was born
  • He had gray blue eyes, which have now become brown as his melanin has increased over the last three months
  • Now, look at Peachette
  • Like I mentioned before she has gray eyes clearly differentiating her from peaches blue eyes
  • But what if that's just because she's an early form of peach. I mean she did just
  • Changeover give it a year or in peaches case a few decades and that mature blue color will shine right on through. That's right
  • What if Peachette is merely an immature form of a peach a young queen?
  • Freshly groomed and ready to start a rule only to grow taller and have her eyes change color as she continues to develop
  • Over the years the evidence quite frankly is there but why now? Why would Nintendo keep this?
  • Absolutely, massive lore revealed quiet until this particular Nintendo Direct
  • Well, remember what I said earlier queen bees aren't constantly being groomed
  • it only happens when the hive feels as though the current queen is getting old or dying or
  • simply isn't around anymore and they want to override the current queen with a new one and it's that last reason that stands out how
  • many times is our princess been in another castle or out playing tennis or on the moon rejecting the advances of
  • fertile males
  • I would venture to say that with all the kidnappings and spin-off titles the Mushroom Kingdom might be feeling a bit neglected a bit
  • barren
  • If you will after decades of peach being away from the hive the natural response would be to begin the grooming process
  • And make room for a new queen
  • I mean
  • it's not like they didn't give peach a chance right toadette didn't officially arrive until
  • 2003 that is plenty of grace time for peach to get her act together
  • But alas she never did and along the way toad ed has popped up more
  • more and more
  • Gradually making her presence known to the kingdom until the day that she would finally come the day that she would finally
  • Transcend her worker toad form take the super crown and become the queen bee that the Mushroom Kingdom deserves
  • But in order to do it one thing stands in her way
  • Princess Peach remember all that talk about the grooming of the queen bee. Well, there was one
  • Teensy-weensy part that I left out. Once the first virgin queen emerges from her royal cell
  • She begins to communicate with the other queen candidates through a process called piping where she makes a sound called Tooting
  • Yes Tooting like a fart
  • It's a signal to say that this new queen is ready to fight for the honor of being the one and only to sit atop
  • The waxy throne the rival Queens answer back with a sound that's known as quacking
  • When the Virgin Queen here's the quacking the Queen goes to every one of the quacking sister cells and kills us because in the game
  • Of hives you win or you die
  • after being too Danette to truly rise to the top of the kingdom a peach yet is gonna start tuning and have to put an
  • End to the reigning queen you heard me right ladies and gentlemen the introduction of peach
  • It could mean the death of Princess Peach no extra lives this time
  • that's why there's only one peach and that's why it's been so long until
  • Nintendo revealed this the hive is ready for a new queen
  • Super crowns are being produced and tow debts are being groomed for the throne consuming
  • Its power growing into peach s and eventually hoping to be the last one standing
  • So they can mature
  • into a fully grown peach the worst part of this whole ordeal is that when peach does eventually
  • Return to the kingdom which he's finally rescued by Mario
  • She'll likely be killed by your own underlings your days of being chased by men and leisurely
  • Kidnappings across various galaxies have finally caught up to you peach
  • the deceptively cold murderous eyes of peach yet will be the last thing you see before being eaten alive by
  • tiny mushroom men all hail peach ATS long may she reign the queen that the
  • Room kingdom deserves, but hey, that's just a theory. A GAME
  • THEORY
  • Thanks for watching
  • *Fire crackles in the background* *Thunder strikes*

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Nintendo has given the world something... magical. The Super Crown. While the internet explodes with Bowsette memes, we are going to focus on the REAL result of this new item - Peachette. Toadette has gotten a magical girl transformation and Peach better WATCH OUT! Except maybe not for the reasons you think...

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