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Fred Armisen One Man Show Monologue - SNL

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07:42   |   May 22, 2016

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Fred Armisen One Man Show Monologue - SNL
Fred Armisen One Man Show Monologue - SNL thumb Fred Armisen One Man Show Monologue - SNL thumb Fred Armisen One Man Show Monologue - SNL thumb

Transcription

  • >> Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FRED ARMISEN.
  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
  • >> THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
  • THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I AM SO HAPPY TO BE STANDING ON
  • THIS STAGE HOSTING "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."
  • THE FINALE. AND IT'S NOT JUST THE SEASON
  • FINALE, THIS IS THE LAST ONE EVER.
  • SNL IS A VERY IMPORTANT PLACE TO ME.
  • I GOT MY START HERE, I GREW UP HERE, I OWE EVERYTHING TO THIS
  • PLACE. [ APPLAUSE ]
  • >> WHICH IS -- YES, YES. WHICH IS WHY FOR THE PAST SIX
  • MONTHS I'VE BEEN DOING THIS ONE MAN SHOW ABOUT MY TIME AT THIS
  • INCREDIBLE INSTITUTION, IT'S CALLED "LOVE FROM NEW YORK, I
  • DID SATURDAY'S RIGHT." AND IF YOU GUYS DON'T MIND, I'D
  • LIKE TO PERFORM PART OF IT FOR YOU.
  • WHAT DO YOU THINK? I'M GOING TO DO A SCENE ABOUT MY
  • AUDITION, IT'S ABOUT 2:40 LONG. I'M JUST GOING TO CHANGE MY
  • JACKET. ♪♪♪
  • >> HEY, EVERYBODY. LOOK WHO IT IS.
  • FUNNY FREDDIE. HE THINKS HE'S GOING TO TELL
  • JOKES FOR A LIVING. HEY, FREDDIE.
  • YOU'RE FUNNY ALL RIGHT, FUNNY LOOKING.
  • >> GROWING UP ON LONG ISLAND -- [ LAUGHTER ]
  • >> -- NO ONE EVER GAVE ME MUCH OF A CHANCE OF MAKING IT BIG IN
  • SHOW BUSINESS. >> WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE A
  • COMEDIAN, FREDDIE. >> COME WORK WITH ME AT A PIZZA
  • PARLOR. >> MA WANTED ME TO SETTLE DOWN.
  • >> WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO FIND A NICE GIRL, FREDDIE.
  • WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? >> THE TRUTH WAS, I DIDN'T KNOW
  • WHAT I WAS WAITING FOR, UNTIL ONE DAY THE PHONE RANG.
  • RING RING, RING RING. THE FUNNY THING ABOUT A PHONE
  • CALL IS, YOU NEVER KNOW WHO'S GOING TO ANSWER IT.
  • IT COULD BE YOUR AUNT, YOUR GRANDMOTHER, AN OLD FRIEND.
  • A WRONG NUMBER. BUT THIS, THIS WAS THE CALL THAT
  • CHANGED MY LIFE. >> HELLO?
  • WHAT? "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE"?
  • YOU WANT ME TO AUDITION? THIS BETTER NOT BE A JOKE.
  • AND IT WASN'T A JOKE. IT WAS THE REALEST THING THAT
  • HAPPENED IN MY LIFE. AFTER I PACKED MY SUITCASE, I
  • RAN TO THE TRAIN STATION SO FAST, I SWEAR MY FEET DIDN'T
  • TOUCH THE GROUND. >> LOOK AT FUNNY FREDDIE GO.
  • HE'LL BE BACK FUNNY FREDDIE. NOBODY MAKES IT OUT OF THIS
  • TOWN. >> I COULDN'T HEAR THEM.
  • BECAUSE I PUT ON MY HEADPHONES AND I WAS LISTENING TO "NEW YORK
  • NEW YORK" BY THE CHAIRMAN HIMSELF, FRANK SINATRA.
  • I COULDN'T AFFORD THE RIGHTS TO THAT SONG, I HAVE TO DO A SOUND
  • A LIKE. IF YOU DON'T MIND.
  • ♪ NEW YORK CITY, LIVIN' IN NEW YORK CITY ♪
  • >> THE NEXT THING I KNEW, WE WERE PULLING INTO 30 ROCKEFELLER
  • PLAZA. AND I'M ON THIS STAGE DOING MY
  • AUDITION. I HIT HIM WITH THE LIBERACE.
  • I'M A BAD BOY. AND THEN RINGO.
  • PEACE AND LOVE, PEACE AND LOVE. AND THEN I FINISH IT OFF WITH
  • PRINCE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
  • >> WHEN IT'S OVER, I FLOAT ON THE STAGE.
  • MY FEET DIDN'T EVEN TOUCH THE GROUND.
  • AN NBC PAGE WALKED UP TO ME. MR. LORNE MICHAELS WOULD LIKE TO
  • SEE YOU. THE LORNE MICHAELS?
  • BEFORE I KNOW IT, I'M SITTING IN HIS OFFICE.
  • THE WALLS ARE LINED WITH PICTURES OF HIM.
  • A FEW FROM THE '70s, A FEW FROM THE '80s.
  • NONE OF THEM FROM THE PAST TEN YEARS.
  • I DON'T KNOW IF I'M SUPPOSED TO TALK OR HE IS.
  • FINALLY HE BREAKS HIS SILENCE. >> YOU'RE VERY FUNNY, AND I
  • THINK YOU HAVE A BRIGHT FUTURE. >> HE SOUNDED EXACTLY THE WAY I
  • ALWAYS THOUGHT HE WOULD. >> HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO WORK
  • HERE? I WALKED OUTSIDE IN A DAZE.
  • I GRABBED THE FIRST PERSON I COULD SEE.
  • IS THIS A DREAM? IS THIS A DREAM?
  • IS THIS A DREAM? IS THIS A DREAM?
  • IS THIS A DREAM? IS THIS A DREAM?
  • YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO ANSWER. IS THIS A DREAM?
  • IS THIS A DREAM? IS THIS A DREAM?
  • I'M ASKING YOU, IS THIS A DREAM? YOU'RE RUINING IT, SORRY.
  • >> I TAKE THE TRAIN HOME, AND I SWEAR THE WHALES DIDN'T EVEN
  • TOUCH THE TRACKS. [ LAUGHTER ]
  • AS I GOT OFF, I LOOKED AROUND MY TOWN AND I THOUGHT, I DON'T EVEN
  • LIVE HERE ANY MORE. BUT THEN I HEARD A VOICE, HEY,
  • FUNNY FREDDIE. OH, NO, THOSE TWO GUYS WHO NEVER
  • BELIEVED IN ME, THEY ALWAYS GAVE ME A HARD TIME.
  • HEY, FUNNY FREDDIE. >> WHAT?
  • WHAT DO YOU WANT? >> WE'RE PROUD OF YOU.
  • >> THAT'S THE FIRST TIME I THOUGHT, I'M GOING TO MISS THIS
  • PLACE. YEAH, I'M GOING TO MISS THIS
  • PLACE. THE CRITICS SAID THIS PART IS
  • TOO LONG, BUT I LIKE IT. OKAY, DIM THE LIGHTS NOW.
  • NOT SO FAST. NOT QUICK.
  • SLOW. NOT TO 22, DO 24.
  • THERE WE GO. OKAY.
  • BRING THEM BACK UP A LITTLE BIT. NOW BACK DOWN.
  • DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, OUT, OUT, OUT.
  • DOWN. OKAY, FULLY UP, RIGHT BACK UP.
  • AND THERE WE ARE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
  • THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
  • THIS IS DEFINITELY THE NEXT HAMILTON.
  • WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
  • COURTNEY BARNETT IS HERE. STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE RIGHT
  • BACK. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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Description

Fred Armisen previews his one-man show, "Love, From New York, I Did Saturday's Right: Fun Fame and Fred on the 17th Floor."

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