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Emu War - OverSimplified (Mini-Wars #4)

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10:07   |   Nov 15, 2018

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Emu War - OverSimplified (Mini-Wars #4)
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  • This, is Australia. (nooo really)
  • For the man who imagines being strangled by a tarantula while a kangaroo breaks his kneecaps and things,
  • Mmm. Yes please.
  • For the man who pictures himself being eaten by a snake in the burning Outback while eating a Vegemite sandwich and thinks:
  • "MMM YES, PLEASE!"
  • And that man was governor Arthur Phillip who landed in eastern Australia in 1788.
  • Presumably saw a dingo being eaten by a crocodile, being eaten by a Death Adder, being eaten by a koala, being eaten by Mel Gibson, (lol)
  • and thought to himself:
  • "Yes,"
  • "G o o d."
  • Now I know what you're thinking,
  • but OverSimpified (what)
  • the British didn't discover Australia. (rly?)
  • The vikings did (are you sure about that)
  • And you'd be wrong. (HAHAHAHAH)
  • I'm not sure why you'd think that, but hey! If you love Vikings so much
  • THEN why don't you
  • Check out today's sponsor?
  • Vikings War of Clans was inspired by the PC (and mobile)
  • strategy and RPG games of the 90s we all love,
  • like Age of Empires, and Civilization.
  • If you, like me, want to relive those memories again with a new experience, then this mobile game is for you.
  • Vikings lets you choose your own play style. And what makes its world so addictive
  • is that more than 20 million online players are constantly changing the way it evolves by never-ending fighting over resources,
  • forging new alliances, and competing in live events.
  • Support my channel by downloading Vikings for free, only from my links in the description box below,
  • And get the special bonus of 200 gold coins and a protective shield. (no alliance ;-;)
  • [meanwhile in the brexit kingdom]
  • "Buy! Buy! Man, this is great! The market will continue to grow forever!"
  • "but what if it dosen't?"
  • "OH CRAP! I never thought of that. SELL! SELL!
  • And the stock market crashed,
  • which led to economic downturn,
  • which meant that banks wouldn't lend anyone any money,
  • which led to MORE economic downturn, (more?)
  • which meant everyone stopped buying stuff,
  • which led to MORE economic downturn, and-- (are you ok...)
  • Hey!
  • What if all the crops in the Great Plains were destroyed in a drought and then a big dust storm engulfed the area?
  • That's right!
  • More economic downturn.
  • And in an effort to combat the crisis,
  • America began imposing tariffs on foreign imports,
  • which made the economic downturn go global,
  • and the Earth got really depressed.
  • But one nation that was hit harder than most by the whole affair:
  • Australia.
  • The problem for Australia was that it relied heavily on its export industries,
  • and in the current economic climate, no one was buying.
  • To make things worse:
  • Australia had introduced its own currency, and picked it onto the gold standard by the British pound.
  • But then the UK started messing with its own take on the gold standard, and if this is starting to sound confusing,
  • then let me Oversimplify it for you.
  • "Hey, UK. Looks like my car is broken down. Want to give me a tow?"
  • "No problem, friend,
  • I got you."
  • *british puts the hook to put australia home*
  • *walks in british*
  • *opens car door*
  • *close car door*
  • 10/10 british no need help to australia
  • oof
  • More economic downturn! (how much did you say?)
  • The point I'm trying to make is things weren't good.
  • And in particular, it was Australia's farmers that were suffering most.
  • After the First World War,
  • Australia had given returning veterans land for farming.
  • But with the current economic crisis, the farmers just weren't making enough money.
  • And many left to go find work in the cities, but for those who remained, things were about to get even worse.
  • THAT EMU BOI
  • Before we get into that, it's time for some cultural exchange.
  • "My national bird is the bald eagle."
  • "It's a strong patriotic symbol of America and a deeply valued and protected species." (that's ok)
  • "My national bird is the peafowl."
  • "It's a beautiful creature whose vivid colors represent India. So we list it as a protected species." (wow i love that!)
  • "My national bird is the emu and it's a PEST. (wut)
  • Also bloody delicious!" (made with bleach)
  • Emus, six feet tall,
  • 9 to 120 pounds
  • and able to run speed after 40 mph
  • usually return to the coast after their breeding season, but suddenly they found Western Australia full of lush, wet, farmland.
  • "Oh my!"
  • "Look at all this delicious wheat that just so happens to be growing here in large quantities."
  • "Hey guys, get a load of this!"
  • *Emus enjoying wheat* (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH)
  • (that's a lot of crop damage)
  • "Hey! Who left this big hole in the fence?"
  • "Guys, get a load of this!"
  • *Rabbits enjoying wheat* (*dies from laughter*)
  • "the rabbits did it some more"
  • "What a lovely morning for some farmi-"
  • "WHAT!?"
  • "Those damned emus!"
  • "They have it in for me!
  • "They're bullies!"
  • "They're nothing but bullies!"
  • "Calm down Bruce. They're just animals. It's not personal."
  • "Hey farmer Bruce! Where did you find that hat? The toilet?"
  • bruce: *thinks*
  • "yes..." (OHH)
  • 20,000 emus cost the already struggling farmers millions more pounds in lost crops and damages.
  • The situation couldn't continue like this.
  • Something had to be done.
  • So in 1932, the farmers turned to the government for help.
  • You think they'd go to the Minister of Agriculture, but these farmers said "No!"
  • "This is a job for the military."
  • So they went to George Pearce, the Minister of Defense.
  • That's right. Australia was to go to war with the emus, but not everyone was happy with the idea.
  • "This is barbaric! We can't go slaughtering thousands of our own national bird."
  • "Oh, come on guys!"
  • "The machine guns will make it quick and painless!"
  • "Machine Guns!? You're using machine guns!? This is animal cruelty!"
  • "Look, I know it's unusual, but it's not like we're poachers turning the birds into feather hats. Think of the benefits!"
  • "It'll be good target practice for our boys, the government can show it took action! Plus I can get myself a nice new feather hat!"
  • *GASP*
  • "Did I say feather hat? I meant I want to--gether chat. With you!"
  • "About getting you all some nice new feather hats!"
  • *GASP*
  • "Uhhh, did I say feather hats?"
  • "I meant I want to wage--terror at--these emus and turn them all into feather hats!"
  • *GASP*
  • "DAMNIT!"
  • Of course, Pearce first made the farmers sign an agreement saying that:
  • They would pay for the whole thing, and that Pearce wouldn't take any of the blame,
  • if the operation, that was clearly very stupid, turned out to indeed, be stupid.
  • And the operation went ahead.
  • Major G.P.W. Meredith and his men were sent with two Lewis machine guns to hunt down and take out the evil emu population in Western Australia.
  • "Target spotted!"
  • "Well, was it an emu?"
  • "No, sir. It's an emO." (who the hell is emO)
  • "Damn it Jones! Learn your vowels!"
  • "I'm surry.."
  • "Okay, it looks like the humans are coming for us. But check this out. I've come up with an amazing plan. (wheres that emu get that soldier hat)
  • See if you can follow me here okay? When they approach, we run away."
  • seems stupid
  • "Sir,
  • You're a genius."
  • Pearce sent a camera crew along with the machine gunners to capture some good ol' propaganda for the government,
  • and the first battle took place in November at Campion.
  • The men spotted a mob of emus from a distance,
  • so they set up the guns and opened fire. The emus split up into smaller groups and ran in every direction.
  • The men were only able to kill what they called "a number of birds" but the vast majority got away.
  • "CUT!" (where that camera man came from?)
  • Surprisingly, many of the emus were able to take multiple bullets, but still run at full speed to safety,
  • causing Meredith to compare them to tanks saying,
  • "If we had a military division with the bullet carrying capacity of these birds, it would face any army in the world."
  • "Okay, we need to get closer."
  • "No, you idiots, not to me, to the emus!" (wtf)
  • "Oh, sorry."
  • "No, no!"
  • "I like it."
  • So next, they tried sneaking up on a large number of emus near a local dam, and firing at short range.
  • Maybe the men were just unlucky, but my professional opinion says the emus were magic, because both guns jammed after just 12 emus were killed.
  • And once again, the rest got away.
  • "CUT!"
  • The men were feeling a little humiliated after losing to a pack of discount ostriches.
  • So they decided to move further South, where the emus were said to be tamer.
  • And this time, they had a new strategy.
  • "Okay Jones. Here's the plan. You mount the machine gun in the back. I'll chase the emus. You shoot got it. Got it?"
  • "Got it."
  • but they can't the car was so bumpy
  • one emu caught at the driver
  • dat explosion tho
  • "I'm gonna shove that camera up your- "
  • The operation was a fiasco and the press had a field day.
  • In Parliament, Pearce was lambasted.
  • And the opposition party members suggested that medals should be handed out to the emus,
  • who'd won every round so far.
  • Pearce, feeling quite humiliated, called the operation off,
  • but four days later the farmers approached again, and said,
  • "Hey man, the emus are still eating all our crops. Can you send the army back out here?"
  • And Pearce was like:
  • "Yeah, okay"
  • So the operation was back on for Round 2.
  • And this time, Meredith and his men had learned the emus' guerrilla tactics,
  • and were much more successful, with reports suggesting the men were cutting down 300 emus every week.
  • "I hope you boys are getting great footage of this. What on earth are you filming?"
  • Despite the success, the media have lost interest in the whole thing.
  • But with 1,000 emus killed, Pearce finally ended the operation, and returned to Parliament declaring victory for the humans.
  • "So there were 20,000 emus out there destroying crops and you've killed 1000."
  • "Mm-hmm."
  • "Meaning there's still 19,000 emus out there."
  • "Yep."
  • "And in addition you've burned through 10,000 rounds of ammunition."
  • "Uh-huh."
  • "Meaning you wasted 10 rounds per confirmed kill."
  • "Thaat's right!"
  • Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and call this one for the emus."
  • "at least i got a feather hat..."
  • "What?"
  • "What?"
  • So in the end the emus won the Great Emu War of 1932,
  • and the emus continued to wreak havoc on the farmers for years to come.
  • The government introduced a bounty system, which saw some success,
  • But for a moment,
  • let's take some time to remember the brave men, who said goodbye to their families,
  • and risked their lives to take on the great, evil emu population in Western Australia.
  • But even more importantly, let's think of the friends they made, the bond they created, and the memories they shared.
  • ♪Take me home♪
  • ♪To golden fields and sights of days gone by♪
  • ♪To where the heart lies♪
  • With stories un-♪
  • "Hey!
  • "Hey! uh
  • "Hey! uh guys?"
  • I solved the emu crisis."
  • "Really?"
  • "How?"
  • "I just made some better fences."
  • *cheering*
  • poop di scoop (the end)
  • BUY HIS MERCH GUYS
  • don't argue with text on the endcard. BUY. HIS. MERCH.
  • impractical secret text

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NASA Goddard Space Flight Center Image by Reto Stöckli (land surface, shallow water, clouds). Enhancements by Robert Simmon (ocean color, compositing, 3D globes, animation). Data and technical support: MODIS Land Group; MODIS Science Data Support Team; MODIS Atmosphere Group; MODIS Ocean Group Additional data: USGS EROS Data Center (topography); USGS Terrestrial Remote Sensing Flagstaff Field Center (Antarctica); Defense Meteorological Satellite Program (city lights).

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