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Election Night - SNL

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Nov 13, 2016

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Election Night - SNL
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Transcription

  • ♪♪♪ >>> THIS IS "ELECTION NIGHT IN
  • AMERICA." >> I CAN'T BELIEVE AFTER ALL
  • THIS IT'S GOING TO FINALLY BE OVER.
  • >> I DON'T KNOW, WE'LL SEE. TRUMP'S ALREADY GOT LAWYERS TO
  • FIGHT THE RESULTS. >> YEAH, DON'T EVEN JOKE ABOUT
  • THAT OR I WILL LEAVE. >> GUYS.
  • WE'RE ABOUT TO HAVE OUR FIRST WOMAN PRESIDENT.
  • LIKE THIS IS GOING TO BE A HISTORIC NIGHT.
  • >> YEAH, YEAH. IT MIGHT AN HISTORIC NIGHT.
  • BUT DON'T FORGET IT'S A BIG COUNTRY.
  • >> MY FRIEND AT "THE HUFFINGTON POST" SAYS SHE WIN BUSY 5
  • POINTS. >> I DON'T KNOW, MY FRIEND AT
  • SLATE SAYS SHE'LL WIN BY 3. >> OH, WELL, SHE'LL WIN THE
  • ELECTORAL COLLEGE FOR SURE BUT I GUESS THERE'S A NIGHTMARE
  • SCENARIO WHERE HE WINS THE POPULAR VOTE.
  • >> REALLY? THAT'S YOUR NIGHTMARE SCENARIO,
  • HUH? [ LAUGHTER ]
  • >> BECAUSE OF SHIFTING DEMOGRAPHICS THERE MIGHT NEVER
  • BE ANOTHER REPUBLICAN PRESIDENT IN THIS COUNTRY.
  • >> WORD. [ LAUGHTER ]
  • YOU EVER BEEN AROUND THIS COUNTRY BEFORE?
  • >> AND WE PROJECT KENTUCKY WILL GO TO DONALD TRUMP.
  • >> WELL, OF COURSE HE WON KENTUCKY, THAT'S WHERE ALL THE
  • RACISTS ARE. [ LAUGHTER ]
  • >> ALL OF THEM ARE IN KENTUCKY? >> OH, SHE'S GOT VERMONT.
  • >> OH, SNAP, VERMONT! THREE ELECTORAL VOTES!
  • THAT'S A POWER GRAB. >> OKAY.
  • THIS SAYS FLORIDA IS TOO CLOSE TO CALL.
  • >> OKAY, NO, IT SAYS TOO EARLY TO CALL.
  • THERE'S ONLY 1% IN. >> I'M JUST GOING TO GO AHEAD
  • AND CALL IT. FLORIDA'S GOING BLUE.
  • TO LATINOS! >> TO LATINOS!
  • [ LAUGHTER ] >> WELL, OF COURSE HE'S GOING TO
  • WIN OHIO, WE KNEW THAT. IF WE CAN GET PENNSYLVANIA,
  • FLORIDA, AND NORTH CAROLINA, WE DON'T EVEN NEED OHIO.
  • >> YEAH. IF THE INDIANS SCORED FOUR MORE
  • RUNS, THEY'D HAVE WON THE WORLD SERIES TOO, DUDE.
  • >> I'M GOING TO GRAB A XANAX FROM THE BEDROOM.
  • >> OKAY, GRAB ME SIX. >> YEAH, I'LL BRING THE WHOLE
  • BOTTLE. [ LAUGHTER ]
  • >> LOOK. EARLY RETURNS ARE ALWAYS GOING
  • TO BE REPUBLICAN. BECAUSE REPUBLICANS GO TO SLEEP
  • EARLY. IT'S JUST A FACT.
  • >> I TALKED TO MY BROTHER-IN-LAW AT CBS.
  • HE SAYS TRUMP'S GOING TO WIN FLORIDA.
  • >> WELL. I GUESS LATINOS DIDN'T HEAR
  • ABOUT YOUR TOAST. [ LAUGHTER ]
  • >> HEY, GUYS, WHAT DID I MISS? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
  • >> LARRY, TRUMP MIGHT ACTUALLY WIN.
  • >> HA HA HA! I MEAN, OF COURSE, WHAT ARE YOU
  • TALKING ABOUT? >> I TRIED TO TELL THEM THAT.
  • >> WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHY ARE WOMEN EVEN VOTING FOR
  • HIM? >> YEAH, I DON'T GET YOU LADIES.
  • I MEAN, THE COUNTRY'S 55% WOMEN. I MEAN, IF THE COUNTRY WAS 55%
  • BLACK? WELL, WE'D HAVE TONS OF BLACK
  • PRESIDENTS. FLAVOR FLAV WOULD BE PRESIDENT.
  • [ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY.
  • ALL SHE HAS TO DO IS COME BACK AND WIN WISCONSIN, COME BACK AND
  • WIN MICHIGAN, COME BACK AND WIN PENNSYLVANIA.
  • >> SOME OF THE COUNTIES, THE URBAN COUNTIES, THEY'RE SO --
  • BLACK PEOPLE VOTE LATE! [ LAUGHTER ]
  • >> YEAH, LET'S HOPE THERE'S 100,000 OF US IN GREEN BAY.
  • [ LAUGHTER ] THOSE BROTHERS LOVE THE PACKERS.
  • >> YOU NEVER KNOW, GUYS. ALASKA'S STILL OUT THERE.
  • >> WE'RE NOW CALLING ALASKA FOR DONALD TRUMP.
  • >> OH MY GOD. I THINK AMERICA IS RACIST.
  • >> OH MY GOD! [ LAUGHTER ]
  • YOU KNOW, I REMEMBER MY GREAT GRANDFATHER TOLD ME SOMETHING
  • LIKE THAT. BUT HE WAS LIKE A SLAVE OR
  • SOMETHING, I DON'T KNOW. >> I -- I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
  • WHY AREN'T PEOPLE TURNING OUT FOR HILLARY THE WAY THEY DID FOR
  • BARACK OBAMA? >> I MEAN, MAYBE BECAUSE YOU'RE
  • REPLACING A CHARISMATIC 40-YEAR-OLD BLACK GUY WITH A
  • 70-YEAR-OLD WHITE WOMAN. THAT'S LIKE THE KNICKS REPLACING
  • PATRICK EWING WITH NEIL PATRICK HARRIS.
  • [ LAUGHTER ] >> AND DONALD TRUMP HAS BEEN
  • ELECTED PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
  • >> YOU GUYS WERE RIGHT. IT WAS A HISTORIC NIGHT.
  • DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. EIGHT YEARS ARE GOING TO FLY BY.
  • [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> YEAH, BUT DON'T WORRY, IT'S
  • ALL GOING TO BE WHITE. >> BUT WHAT ABOUT UNDOCUMENTED
  • IMMIGRANTS? >> THEY'RE NOT GOING NOWHERE,
  • COME ON. YOU ACT LIKE EVERYBODY TRYING TO
  • PICK THEIR OWN STRAWBERRIES. [ LAUGHTER ]
  • >> THIS IS, THIS IS CRAZY. I MEAN, DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S
  • LIKE TO BE A WOMAN IN THIS COUNTRY WHERE YOU CAN'T GET
  • AHEAD NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO? >> OH, GEEZ, I DON'T KNOW.
  • I'LL PUT MY THINKING CAP ON FOR THAT ONE AND GET BACK TO YOU.
  • >> NO, COME ON, YOU GUYS. GET SOME REST.
  • YOU GOT A BIG DAY OF MOPING AND WRITING ON FACEBOOK TOMORROW.
  • [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> THIS IS THE MOST SHAMEFUL
  • THING AMERICA HAS EVER DONE. >> HA HA HA!
  • >> HA HA HA! [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

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Description

All (Vanessa Bayer, Aidy Bryant, Beck Bennett, Cecily Strong) but two friends (Dave Chappelle, Chris Rock) are surprised by Donald Trump's victory while watching the election results roll in.

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