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David Spade Thought Ellen Was Justin Bieber at Her Birthday Party

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07:17   |   Feb 15, 2018

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David Spade Thought Ellen Was Justin Bieber at Her Birthday Party
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Transcription

  • First of all--
  • Yes, sir.
  • We've known each other a long time, and--
  • We have.
  • Is it Helen, or Ellen?
  • Ellen.
  • It's Ellen with an E. I told someone I just set that out
  • there.
  • Ellen, we go back.
  • I wanted to tell the crowd first of all,
  • because they probably want to hear about your birthday party.
  • Everyone's been buzzing about it.
  • [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
  • She had a big rager.
  • I got a fallout invite, which was great.
  • I went down there.
  • I had a show that night in Irvine.
  • You did?
  • Did my hour show, went up all the way.
  • Great guy syndrome.
  • I don't know how I do it, but I got there.
  • And it was-- first of all, I didn't know there was a cover
  • charge, but that was fine.
  • You know what, because I saw inside
  • there were so much stuff, and I get it now.
  • 50 seemed high, but $50, that's nothing to me.
  • It's like $45.
  • So paid that, that was fine.
  • Went in-- oh, the celebs, Ellen Louise.
  • It was-- is that your middle name?
  • Oh.
  • Ellen, I went in there, and they were really
  • packed in there like sardines.
  • They were everywhere.
  • I saw-- and I bother all of them, as you know.
  • Did you?
  • Oh yeah.
  • I really get in their grill.
  • And I never have anything to say, it's a real nonversation.
  • I walk right up and I just start "vavavavava."
  • They don't know what's going on.
  • I saw Aniston was talking to Kris Jenner right away.
  • And the funny thing about Kris Jenner was Kim
  • was close by, and--
  • Kardashian-- and she was--
  • I think she was winding down, Kris Jenner
  • didn't want to leave.
  • And I was thinking, what if my mom was at my same party
  • when I was a kid?
  • It would be so crazy.
  • Because Kim was like, let's go.
  • And she's like, 10 more minutes.
  • She's like, mom.
  • She's like, wait in the car then.
  • She's like, ugh.
  • So, that's me, I always had to wait in the car.
  • So I go in.
  • I did see Adele, who I talked about on this show.
  • She was lovely, of course.
  • Too many people to mention.
  • I caught myself.
  • Remember there's some music toward the end?
  • Yes, I did.
  • And a bit of a hodgepodge.
  • It was like Reese got up, and all these great singers there--
  • Pink and Melissa Etheridge.
  • So I was looking to watch, and there
  • was one of your rapper buddies, and then
  • there was Jennifer Lawrence.
  • It was French Montana.
  • Yeah, yeah.
  • So I go hey, like I was trying to look,
  • and then he whipped out some medical marijuana
  • and a big rolled up doobie of it.
  • Oh.
  • And so--
  • Now you're talking about Diddy.
  • Oh yeah.
  • He took a hit.
  • You know I know all the lingo-- he took a pop off it.
  • [LAUGHS]
  • And then I was in the middle, and then he looks at me like,
  • huh?
  • And I go, yeah.
  • Because I don't want to be like a narc, you know.
  • Like I want to--
  • so I go, hey, man, pass it over.
  • So I get it, and then of course I'm like--
  • [INHALING SOUND]
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • I take the biggest hit, and I cough maybe 40 minutes,
  • like classic, stupid, corny, shouldn't even be in a movie.
  • Now I'm like [HUFFS] and then I give it back,
  • and I go, hey, good batch, or whatever.
  • I don't know what to say.
  • I try to be cool.
  • I go, is that Hawaiian?
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • Is that Vietnamese purple-haired northslope hash?
  • That's the last I had in high school,
  • so I threw that in there, it didn't ring a bell.
  • And then I was like this-- everything's cool for a second,
  • and then--
  • [BLOWING]
  • --like, it hit me.
  • Oh boy, it was like--
  • you know in those nuclear movies where
  • it's like flattens everything?
  • That's half the [INAUDIBLE] my brain just went down.
  • And I was like,
  • (SINGING) hello darkness, my old friend.
  • (TALKING) Oh, they changed the song.
  • Oh no, they didn't.
  • And then I was starting this space out a bit,
  • you know, because I was sort of in a half coma.
  • And things are moving, it was a bit of the matrix.
  • So I go, hey, I gotta take off.
  • And so I was like--
  • [WHIRLING SOUND]
  • --and then I see Oprah, and then I go, I should talk to Oprah.
  • This is the new guy.
  • Now I don't care.
  • I was nervous before, and I was like--
  • [PURRING SOUND]
  • --like feline, and then the little embers
  • in my brain that were still alive go, nope, abort, abort.
  • I went "szhoop" last second like Waze, "Get off here."
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • And so she's like this, "Hel-oh."
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • This weekend, I went through, and I just didn't really
  • bother anyone else.
  • I think DeCaprio got away with a fist bump, and the rest of them
  • were now is just a little like hexagonal at this point,
  • like a kaleidoscope.
  • I was going to the exit, like, just get me out of here.
  • So I get in the elevator, and there was--
  • which is lit like Ralph's.
  • It's so bright, you know what I mean?
  • It's like the produce section.
  • Like gizmo, I'm like, "Eign!"
  • And then, ding, get out, go to my car, slide in.
  • My driver goes, you OK?
  • I go, absolutely not.
  • And I think I got home, do not remember going home.
  • And I'm still in the same outfit.
  • Well--
  • [AUDIENCE CLAPPING]
  • I saw you, but we didn't talk.
  • We didn't talk.
  • No.
  • I did see you.
  • In fairness, I thought you were Justin Bieber
  • for the first half hour, but and it's
  • only because of your haircut.
  • Not where you look right.
  • But-- you know, when you're the belle of the ball,
  • this is the main attraction.
  • So I feel like even some of these celeb types,
  • I know I don't want to bug, because everyone's talking.
  • So you don't want to--
  • I don't want to cut in on you and Bradley
  • Cooper, or something, you know.
  • Hey, can I steal her?
  • So I just--
  • Like the Bachelor.
  • Yeah.
  • Can I get five minutes?
  • So I just left you alone, but it never sort of swung around.
  • But it was just so fun, because I see people I never see.
  • Yeah.
  • I never have-- I really only have a party rarely,
  • not even every year for my birthday.
  • And that was kind of the party to end all parties.
  • But I saw you over by the bar, and I was going to make my way
  • to you, and I couldn't.
  • There's nothing to say.
  • I mean, I was out of it.
  • And I was already drunk, because it was night time.
  • So I already came in a little hot.
  • A lot of people did.
  • Yeah.
  • A lot of people were hurting the next morning.
  • I didn't get to that photo station, because I--
  • Oh, you didn't.
  • Well--
  • The photo booth was so fun.
  • Everybody took advantage of that.
  • Everyone crushed it.
  • I think Olivia Munn just waited for anyone to show up.
  • Olivia Munn put herself in.
  • She got in a lot of them.
  • It's a little bit of a flat Stanley situation.
  • She was like, one with Olivia!
  • And they were great, but everyone is very nice there.
  • It's the people you don't see.
  • It's like the Oscars, that you just see people that you never
  • see in real life.
  • And what a blast, though.
  • It was great.
  • We have to take a break, and I want
  • to talk about-- we have really known each other a long time.
  • We have things to talk about.
  • Mhm, 100%.
  • Maybe.
  • Hi, I'm Andy.
  • Ellen asked me to remind you to subscribe to her channel
  • so you can see more awesome videos.
  • Like videos of me getting scared, or saying
  • embarrassing things, like "ball peen hammer."
  • And also some videos of Ellen and other celebrities,
  • if you're into that sort of thing.
  • [YELPS]
  • [BEEPING]
  • God [BEEPING]

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Description

David Spade had an out-of-body experience at Ellen's 60th birthday bash that involved weed, celebrities, and thinking Ellen was Justin Bieber for most of the party.