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Courtroom - SNL

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05:21   |   May 05, 2018

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Courtroom - SNL
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  • >> ONE FINAL QUESTION, MR. MILLER, AND I KNOW THIS HAS BEEN
  • A DIFFICULT EXPERIENCE TO RELIVE.
  • >> IT HAS. >> DO YOU FEEL THAT YOU ARE IN
  • ANY WAY AT FAULT FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FRIENDS AND
  • FAMILY, BEING EATEN? >> OF COURSE NOT.
  • ALL I KNOW IS THAT I MISS THEM. >> ALL HE KNOWS IS THAT HE
  • MISSES THEM. NO FURTHER QUESTIONS.
  • >> YOUR WITNESS. >> THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR.
  • ALL HE KNOWS IS THAT HE MISSES THEM, AND THAT MIGHT BE TRUE,
  • BUT THAT IS NOT WHY WE ARE HERE TODAY.
  • WE ARE HERE TO DETERMINE WHETHER MY CLIENT, JURASSIC PARK, THE
  • BEAUTIFUL ISLAND FULL OF REAL-LIFE DINOSAURS, IS
  • RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DEATHS OF MR. MILLER'S FRIENDS AND FAMILY,
  • WHEN ALL THE DINOSAURS GOT OUT. AND I SAY NO.
  • >> WELL, I SAY YES. >> YOUR HONOR, PERMISSION TO
  • TREAT THE WITNESS AS HOSTILE? >> NO, MAN.
  • DEFINITELY NOT. >> SO, MR. MILLER, JURASSIC
  • WORLD SHOULDN'T HAVE TO PAY YOU MONEY, EVEN THOUGH YOU AGREED TO
  • WAIVE ALL RIGHTS TO SUE THE PARK?
  • >> WHAT? NO, I DID NOT AGREE TO THAT.
  • >> EXHIBIT "A," MR. MILLER, COULD YOU PLEASE READ THE
  • INDEMNIFICATION ON THE BACK OF YOUR VIP ALL-ACCESS RAPTORS
  • PASS. >> WELL, I CAN'T READ IT.
  • IT'S COVERED IN MY FRIEND, SCOTT'S, BLOOD.
  • >> WELL, THEN, MOVE YOUR FRIEND, SCOTT'S BLOOD AROUND WITH YOUR
  • FINGER, UNTIL YOU CAN READ IT. I MEAN, REALLY, CAN YOU BELIEVE
  • THIS SYSTEM? >> GET OUT OF MY FACE.
  • >> IT SAYS JURASSIC WORLD IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR LOST OR DAMAGED
  • ITEMS. >> LOST OR DAMAGED ITEMS.
  • LIKE YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY. >> WELL, I DON'T CONSIDER MY
  • FRIENDS AND FAMILY ITEMS. >> OH, BUT THE LAW DOES.
  • >> LET THE RECORD SHOW THAT THE LAW DOES NOT.
  • >> ALL RIGHT. LET ME ASK YOU THIS, MR. MILLER,
  • DID YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME AT JURASSIC PARK?
  • >> UH, NO, IT WAS THE SINGLE WORST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE.
  • >> PLEASE DIRECT YOUR ATTENTION TO THE MONITOR.
  • THIS IS AN INSTAGRAM STORY POSTED BY MR. MILLER ON THE DATE
  • IN QUESTION. >> WHAT'S UP, INSTAGRAM.
  • WE'RE AT JURASSIC WORLD RIGHT NOW.
  • WHAT UP! >> WAIT, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP,
  • STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP. STOP.
  • SURE SOUNDED LIKE YOU WERE HAVING FUN TO ME.
  • GOOD TIME, LIAR. >> REQUEST PERMISSION TO SHOW
  • THE REST OF THE VIDEO. >> YOUR HONOR, I DO NOT SEE WHY
  • THAT WOULD BE RELEVANT IN THIS CASE.
  • >> PERMISSION GRANTED. >> WHOO!
  • >> WHO EVEN KNOWS WHAT IS HAPPENING THERE?
  • I MEAN, REALLY. >> THAT'S HIM AND HIS FRIENDS
  • GETTING EATEN BY THE DINOSAUR. I'M SORRY, I KNOW I'M NOT
  • SUPPOSED TO WEIGH IN, BUT THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
  • >> SPECIFICALLY, A T-REX GRABBED MY FRIEND RACHEL AND SWALLOWED
  • HER WITHOUT BITING LIKE YOU WOULD TAKE A TYLENOL.
  • >> OBJECTION, YOUR HONOR. THE T-REX IS A GOOD GUY NOW.
  • IT IS CONSISTENTLY SAVING THE DAY.
  • SUSTAINED! >> COUNSELOR, YOU CAN'T SUSTAIN
  • YOUR OWN OBJECTION. CONTINUE, SIR.
  • >> YEAH, AFTER THAT, A FLYING DINOSAUR, THE LONG-NOSED LANDED
  • ON MY BROTHER AND HE ATE MY BROTHER'S FACE.
  • AND ONE OF THOSE BIG NEW GENETICALLY ENGINEERED ONES THAT
  • YOU GUYS MADE WITH LIKE THE GIANT CLAWS --
  • >> YEAH, THE CYCLOSAURUS, YES. >> YEAH, THAT GUY CAME IN AND HE
  • ATE THE DINOSAUR THAT ATE MY BROTHER.
  • >> HMM, "HE" ATE MY BROTHER. "THAT GUY" CAME IN.
  • AND YET, MR. MILLER, MAY I REMIND YOU AND THE COURT THAT
  • ALL DINOSAURS AT JURASSIC PARK ARE FEMALE.
  • YOUR HONOR, THE WITNESS HAS LIED UNDER OATH.
  • I DECLARE A MISTRIAL, BECAUSE MR. MILLER'S CREDIBILITY IS
  • EXTINCT. HA-HA!
  • THIS COURT IS ADJOURNED! >> WELL, THE COURT IS NOT
  • ADJOURNED, BECAUSE THIS WAS NOT A MISTRIAL.
  • LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY, YOU WILL NOW BEGIN
  • DELIBERATIONS TO REACH A VERDICT.
  • >> WE HAVE REACHED A VERDICT ALREADY.
  • WE ALL JUST KIND OF LOOKED AT EACH OTHER AND NODDED.
  • WE FIND THE DEFENDANT, JURASSIC WORLD THEME PARK GUILTY OF
  • CHARGES. THEY GOT TO LEARN, THE DINOSAURS
  • ALWAYS GET OUT. >> THAT THEY DO!
  • THAT THEY DO. >> I SEE.
  • WELL, I GUESS THAT'S LUNCH, THEN.
  • >> IS THIS A DINOSAUR EGG? >> WELL, YES.
  • YOU THINK THIS IS OKAY TO EAT? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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Description

A lawyer (Donald Glover) defends Jurassic World theme park after the deaths of park visitors.

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