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Court Show - SNL

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Oct 12, 2019

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Court Show - SNL
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  • ♪♪♪ >> DID ANOTHER DOG RUN OFF WITH
  • YOUR DOG'S BALL? DID ANOTHER DOG WIZ ON YOUR
  • DOG'S HEAD? IS A DOG PUSHING ITS POLITICAL
  • BELIEFS ONTO YOUR DOG? DON'T TAKE JUSTICE INTO YOUR OWN
  • HANDS. TAKE THEM TO DOG COURT WITH ME,
  • JUDGE CONNIE SCHOMBURG. >> ALL RISE AND WELCOME THE
  • HONORABLE JUDGE CONNIE OF THE 110th AND AMSTERDAM DOG COURT.
  • >> ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE SIT. AH, SIT.
  • ALL RIGHT, WE GOT A LOT ON THE DOCKET TODAY.
  • >> AH. YOU BROUGHT MISS JESSE TO WORK?
  • >> YEAH. SORRY, JUDGE.
  • I HAD TO FIRE THE DOG WALKER, TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER TO WORK DAY.
  • >> FIRST CASE. >> ALL RIGHT, THIS CASE IS
  • NUMBER 328, MATTER OF SCHMIDT VS. BANDIT.
  • >> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, STATE YOUR CASE.
  • >> AH, LOOK. IT'S VERY SIMPLE, YOUR HONOR.
  • ALL RIGHT? IN MY OPINION THIS WOMAN AND HER
  • DOG ARE INSANE. >> LOOK AT THE EYES, TOTALLY
  • DEAD. >> SIMPLY OFFER MY DOG TO SNIFF
  • AS IS CUSTOMARY AND JUMPING UP ON MY BODY BITING BOTH PAWS
  • AGAINST MY NECK AND PULLING DOWN MY T-SHIRT REVEALING BOTH OF MY
  • BOSOMS. >> COURTROOM, NOT A KENNEL!
  • >> YOUR HONOR, YOUR HONOR, MAYBE YOU WANT TO ASK HER WHY SHE CAME
  • TO THE DOG PARK WITH NO BRA. >> IP GOT ONE GOOD BRA AND IT
  • WAS IN THE WASH, YOUR HONOR. YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.
  • >> YEAH, I DO KNOW HOW THAT GOES.
  • YEAH. WHAT EVIDENCE DO YOU HAVE TO
  • SUPPORT YOUR CASE? >> 20 EYEWITNESSES AND I WORE
  • THE T-SHIRT HERE. >> YOU PUT THE LIPSTICK BACK IN
  • THE HOLSTER. >> I ORDER YOU TO SWITCH DOGS.
  • SEE HOW THE OTHER HALF LIVES. >> WHAT?
  • SWITCH DOGS. >> DO IT!
  • >> THERE YOU GO. ALL RIGHT.
  • GOOD LUCK. MINE BARKS AT POOR PEOPLE AND
  • ONLY GOES INTO A HUMAN TOILET. MY DOG HAS VIOLENT NIGHT TEARERS
  • AND SCREAMS LIKE A HUMAN. >> OKAY.
  • WELL, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. WHEW.
  • THE DOG COURT IS A PLACE FOR FUN AND TOLERANCE.
  • I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY TO BRING MY DOG --
  • TO THE PARK, BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE SHE'S CRIPPLED BECAUSE I WON'T
  • LET HER WALK. I DON'T LIKE -- NOW -- SHE RIDES
  • AROUND IN A LITTLE FOOTBALL HELMET.
  • OKAY? THINK ABOUT THAT.
  • >> YOU'RE RIGHT, YOUR HONOR, SORRY, YOUR HONOR.
  • >> SKETCH ARTIST, DID YOU GET EVERYTHING?
  • OKAY. LOOKS NOT LIKE ME, BUT, YEAH,
  • YOU'RE A DOG. >>> COMING UP ON THE NEXT DOG
  • COURT -- >> OKAY.
  • TELL ME WHAT'S WHAT. MAKE IT SNAPPY.
  • >> OKAY. YOUR HONOR, HER DOG IS TOO BIG
  • TO BE IN THE LITTLE DOG PARK AREA.
  • >> YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A DOG. YOU'RE A LOOKIE-LOO AND EVERYONE
  • KNOWS IT. >> GET OFF IT.
  • WALKING IN THE PARK SEEING OTHER PEOPLE'S DOGS?
  • >> THAT A CRIME? >> UP TO THE JURY.
  • >> THE VERDICT, PLEASE? [ GROWLING ]
  • >> OOH. YEP I KNEW IT.
  • SORRY TO SAY THE JURY HAS SENTENCED YOU TO DEATH.
  • >> WHAT? >> SEEMS EXTREME BUT THIS IS DOG

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Description

If you’ve suffered a dog park infraction and don’t know where to turn, look no further than Judge Connie’s (Cecily Strong) Dog Court.

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