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Chappelle's Show - Trading Spouses

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07:45   |   Dec 30, 2017

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Chappelle's Show - Trading Spouses
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  • HI, AND WELCOME TO "TRADING SPOUSES,"
  • THE SHOW WHERE WE TAKE TWO MARRIED COUPLES,
  • AND YOU GUESSED IT,
  • MAKE THEM TRADE SPOUSES FOR A WHOLE MONTH.
  • WATCH THE SPARKS FLY TODAY,
  • BECAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME ON OUR SHOW,
  • WE'RE GOING INTERRACIAL.
  • ( man ) DADDY'S GOING AWAY FOR A LITTLE WHILE, ALL RIGHT ?
  • I'M GONNA LIVE WITH A WHITE FAMILY.
  • Y'ALL BE GOOD.
  • WHAT YOU GOIN' BE DOIN' WITH A WHITE FAMILY ?
  • IT'S A T.V. SHOW, SAY HI TO AMERICA.
  • ANYBODY TRY AND TOUCH YOUR MOTHER,
  • PUNCH HIM IN HIS (BLEEP).
  • LOOK, SON, DAD'S GOING AWAY FOR A FEW WEEKS.
  • SO, I WANT YOU TO BE GOOD, OKAY, SQUIRT ?
  • WHATEVER.
  • I LOVE YOU.
  • OH, ESKIMO KISSES.
  • YOU MUST BE LITTLE T-MART.
  • WOULD YOU LIKE TO CALL ME DADDY, HMM ?
  • IS IT OKAY IF I CALL YOU MR. DEEZ ?
  • MR. DEEZ ?
  • DEEZ NUTS !
  • I-I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
  • WHAT'S HAPPENIN' ?
  • YOU MUST BE LEONARD.
  • THAT'S RIGHT.
  • CAN I CALL YOU DADDY ?
  • HELL NO.
  • ONLY YOUR MAMA CALLS ME DADDY.
  • HERE, MOP TOP, TAKE MY BAG UP TO MY ROOM.
  • AND IF I FIND OUT YOU BEEN GOING THROUGH MY (BLEEP),
  • I'M GONNA BEAT YOU IN YOUR ASS, YOU UNDERSTAND ?
  • HMM.
  • WELL, WELCOME, IT'S GOOD TO HAVE YOU HERE.
  • IT'S GOOD TO BE HERE, COME ON, GIRL.
  • OH-- OH, YES.
  • I DON'T SMELL NO DINNER COOKING.
  • RUN ON, MAKE SOME GRITS.
  • RUN ON.
  • WHAT YOU COOKIN' FOR DINNER, MISTER ?
  • OH, YEAH, WELL, I'M GLAD YOU ASKED, LITTLE BUDDY.
  • UM, THIS HERE IS CAULIFLOWER.
  • THIS IS CORNED BEEF HASH.
  • AND THESE ARE PARSNIPS.
  • WHAT THE (BLEEP) IS A PARSNIP ?
  • LEONARD, JUST SO YOU KNOW,
  • TODD WOULD USUALLY DO THE DISHES AFTER DINNER.
  • WELL, JUST SO YOU KNOW,
  • HIS ASS WILL BE BACK APRIL 13th.
  • GO ON, DO YOUR THING, GIRL.
  • MOP TOP...
  • YOU DO YOUR HOMEWORK ?
  • YEAH.
  • WELL, GO ON UPSTAIRS AND WASH YOUR ASS
  • AND THEN WE'LL WATCH MARTIN LAWRENCE.
  • WANT ME TO LIGHT YOUR CIGARETTE FOR YOU TOO ?
  • YOU BETTER CHECK YOUR TONE, GIRL,
  • GET YOUR INSIDE VOICE ON
  • BEFORE I PUT YOUR ASS OUTSIDE, MM.
  • RACIAL PROFILING ?
  • WHO THE (BLEEP) IS RENEE "ZELLWEDGER" ?
  • WHAT'S WRONG, SWEETIE ?
  • T-MART'S BEEN BACK-TALKING ME,
  • AND I NEED YOU TO TAKE CARE OF IT FOR ME.
  • T-MART...
  • EXCUSE ME, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
  • ALL RIGHT.
  • YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE, MISTER.
  • WHAT, YOU GONNA HIT ME OR SOMETHING ?
  • YOU'RE GOING ON TIME-OUT.
  • FOR 15 MINUTES, OKAY ?
  • YEAH--
  • STARTING NOW, T-MART.
  • TIME-OUT !
  • TIME-OUT IS SWEET !
  • HALLE BERRY, HERE I COME.
  • ( rap music booming )
  • HEY, MOP TOP !
  • WHAT THE HELL YOU LISTENING TO ?
  • IT'S THE NEW 50 CENT.
  • I'M FROM THE STREETS, MAN.
  • G-G-G-G-G-G... G-UNIT.
  • COME ON, GET IN THE CAR.
  • G-G-G-G-G-G... GET YO' ASS IN THE CAR, GO ON !
  • WELL, HERE YOU ARE, MOP TOP, HOME SWEET HOME, THE 'HOOD.
  • ALL RIGHT, LITTLE FELLA,
  • SAY HELLO TO YOUR PEOPLE FOR ME.
  • AND TELL 'EM WHEN YOU SEE 'EM,
  • THAT LEONARD WASHINGTON IS GLAD HE MADE IT OUT, GO ON.
  • GO ON.
  • G-G-G-G-G-G... GOOD-BYE.
  • AND IF YOU NEED MONEY, SELL ROCKS,
  • I HEARD THAT'S WHAT THEY DO AROUND HERE.
  • WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ?
  • DAMN, BITCH, WHAT'S THIS, A LIGHT SABER OR SOMETHING ?
  • NIGHT-NIGHT.
  • HMM.
  • DO YOU WANNA HAVE SEX WITH ME, TODD ?
  • YES, I WOULD LIKE THAT VERY MUCH.
  • OKAY.
  • OH !
  • UH, EXCUSE ME.
  • DO YOU MIND IF I TURN OFF THIS R & B MUSIC ?
  • I KINDA WANNA HEAR YOU BREATHING.
  • OKAY.
  • ALL RIGHT.
  • UH, DO YOU WANNA TAKE OFF YOUR PAJAMA BOTTOMS ?
  • ACTUALLY, I'D FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE IF I JUST
  • PULLED MY PENIS THROUGH THIS HOLE.
  • I'M SORRY, BABY, I DON'T GO SOUTH OF THE BORDER.
  • THAT'S JUST ONE THING THAT LEONARD WASHINGTON DON'T DO.
  • BUT-- BUT, LEONARD, IT'S OKAY, I'M WAXED.
  • DAMN !
  • NOW, I DONE HEARD OF TRIMMING THE HEDGES,
  • BUT YOU DONE SCORCHED THE EARTH.
  • ( sniffing )
  • I SMELL YOUR LIGHT SABER.
  • LIGHT SABER ?
  • ( buzzing )
  • LEONARD AND I HARDLY EVEN TALK ANYMORE.
  • THE OTHER NIGHT HE CAME HOME AT THREE IN THE MORNING.
  • I HAD NO IDEA WHERE HE WAS.
  • HE USES PROFANITY AROUND JEFFREY.
  • I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE WE'RE SHARING.
  • I DON'T FEEL LIKE THERE'S ANY RECIPROCITY THERE.
  • ( therapist ) HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ALL THIS, LEONARD ?
  • BITCH, I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS.
  • GO ON, GET IN THE CAR, WARM IT UP.
  • THIS IS GOOD, YOU CAN LET OUT
  • WHATEVER YOU FEEL IN HERE, LEONARD.
  • ALL RIGHT, I'MA TELL YOU RIGHT NOW, I AIN'T CRAZY,
  • I DON'T NEED NO PSYCHIATRIST.
  • AND IF YOU EVER TELL ANYBODY I'VE BEEN IN HERE,
  • I'LL (BLEEP) KILL YA.
  • IT'S CONFIDENTIAL HERE, LEONARD.
  • I WON'T TELL ANYONE, IT'S JUST BETWEEN US.
  • WELL THEN, CONFIDENTIALLY,
  • I AM CRAZY, AND I'LL (BLEEP) KILL YA.
  • WELL, IT'S BEEN A WILD AND CRAZY MONTH.
  • LET'S SEE WHAT OUR INTERRACIAL FAMILIES HAVE LEARNED.
  • I LEARNED A LOT FROM SHARRON
  • AND I LEARNED A LOT FROM LITTLE T-MART.
  • AND QUITE FRANKLY, I'LL MISS THEM BOTH VERY MUCH.
  • AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE...
  • I TASTED BROWN SUGAR, AND NOT IN MY OATMEAL.
  • ( chuckles )
  • YEAH, BEING ON THIS SHOW TAUGHT ME THAT,
  • NO MATTER WHERE YOU COME FROM, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING ?
  • OR WHAT COLOR YOUR SKIN IS,
  • WE ALL PRETTY MUCH DO THE SAME THINGS IN LIFE.
  • RAISE OUR KIDS, MAKE LOVE FROM TIME TO TIME, AND WASH.
  • SPEAKING OF WHICH,
  • I LEARNED THAT WHITE PEOPLE DON'T USE WASHCLOTHS.
  • DID YOU KNOW THAT ?
  • I'M SERIOUS, THEY HAVE ONE BAR OF SOAP IN THE HOUSE.
  • EVERY TIME I USED IT, SOMEBODY ELSE'S PUBIC HAIR WAS IN IT.
  • SO USE THE CLOTH.
  • WHY YOUR ASS GOT TO PUT THE RAW BAR OF SOAP
  • IN YOUR BUTT AND ALL THIS ?
  • MAYBE I NEED TO WASH MY FACE OR MY FEET.
  • TODD AND LEONARD ARE VERY DIFFERENT.
  • ALTHOUGH LEN IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE,
  • IN A DIFFERENT WORLD, I COULD SEE MYSELF WITH TODD.
  • ALTHOUGH THE PENIS-THROUGH-THE-HOLE THING
  • WAS KIND OF WEIRD.
  • AND I AM MISSING SOME OF MY DRAWERS.
  • OH...
  • OH, MY GOSH-- HO-HO.
  • TITTY RESIDUE--
  • HELLO... HELLO ?

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Description

White and black families swap husbands in Dave's reality show twist.

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