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Career Day - SNL

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Sep 29, 2018

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Career Day - SNL
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  • >>> AND IN MY OPINION, THAT'S HOW WE MAKE THE FIRE GO AWAY.
  • >> OH, WOW, THANK YOU WOW. TO CONTINUE OUR CAREER DAY
  • PRESENTATIONS, WE'LL TURN IT OVER TO MALIKAY'S FATHER.
  • >> I HEAR HE'S SUPER OLD. IS THAT TRUE?
  • >> I DONT KNOW. HE'S A DAD.
  • DADS ARE OLD. >> I DON'T KNOW, HE'S A DAD.
  • DADS ARE OLD. >> GREETINGS, CHILDREN.
  • I'M MORDECAI'S FATHER. HELLO, BOY.
  • YOU LOOK WELL. LOOK AT YOUR FATHER, BOY.
  • LOOK UPON YOUR FATHER WITH PRIDE.
  • >> I'M LOOKING AT YOU, GEEZ. >> ALL RIGHT.
  • MR. PARNASSUS, WHY DON'T YOU TELL US ABOUT WHAT YOU DO FOR A
  • LIVING? >> CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW,
  • CHILDREN? SO, MY OCCUPATION IS OF MUCH
  • IMPORTANCE. FOR 82 YEARS, I HAVE BEEN AN OIL
  • MAN. A "BARREN," SOME HAVE CALLED ME.
  • NOW WHAT DOES AN OIL BARREN DO? AND THE ANSWER?
  • CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES. GRIND THEIR BONES INTO DIRT.
  • MAKE THEM REGRET THEY WERE EVER BORN.
  • >> OH, SICK! >> WOW, RIGHT INTO THE DIRT.
  • SO, IF THE KIDS WANT TO PURSUE A CAREER IN OIL, WHAT KINDA TRAITS
  • WOULD SERVE THEM WELL? >> WELL, OIL IS NOT FOR THE
  • WEAK. IT IS THE EARTH'S MILK, AND ONLY
  • THE STRONG MAY SUCKLE AT MOTHER'S TEAT.
  • DO YOU HEAR ME, BOY? ONLY THE STRONG.
  • LOOK AT YOUR FATHER. LOOK AT ME.
  • >> LOOK AT HIM, MORDECAI. >> DAD, THIS IS EMBARRASSING.
  • >> ONE MAN CAME CLOSE TO BREAKING ME.
  • H.R. PICKENS. HE DID NOT SUCCEED.
  • FOR I CRUSHED HIM INTO THE GROUND.
  • >> WHO IS H.R. PICKENS? >> EXACTLY.
  • >> HEY, SAMANTHA, LET'S STOP IT, OKAY?
  • YES. WELL, MR. PARNASSUS, THE OIL
  • BUSINESS, IT MUST BE PRETTY LUCRATIVE, RIGHT?
  • >> OIL HAS LITTLE TO DO WITH PROFIT, MA'AM.
  • OIL IS ABOUT DOMINATION OF THE SPIRIT.
  • ALLOW ME TO DEMONSTRATE. CHILDREN, POINT TO THE WEAKEST
  • IN YOUR CLASS, AND WE SHALL RUIN THEIR SPIRIT, AS I'VE RUINED THE
  • SPIRIT OF H.R. PICKENS SO LONG AGO.
  • WORD. >> YOU ARE WEAK LIKE
  • H.R. PICKENS. >> FEEL THIS, BOY.
  • UNDERSTAND THE PAIN. YOU THINK I WAS ALWAYS THE
  • PICTURE OF STRENGTH I AM NOW? >> NO, DAD, YOU COULDN'T GET OUT
  • OF BED FOR A WEEK 'CAUSE THE MATTRESS WAS TOO SOFT.
  • >> MIND OVER FLESH, BOY. I WAS BORN SEVEN MONTHS TOO
  • EARLY. INCUBATION TECHNOLOGY WAS STILL
  • IN IT'S INFANCY. SO, THEY PLACED ME INTO A CAST
  • IRON POT INSIDE A PIZZA OVEN UNTIL I WAS RIPE ENOUGH TO WALK.
  • MY BONES NEVER HARDENED, BUT MY SPIRIT DID.
  • BE STRONG, AND CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES.
  • >> WELL, THIS HAS BEEN OUTSTANDING, MR. PARNASSUS, BUT
  • UNFORTUNATELY WE ARE STARTING TO RUN OUT OF TIME.
  • OH, BOO. SO, DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE ANY
  • QUESTIONS FOR MORDECAI'S DAD? >> YEAH, YEAH.
  • I GET THAT YOU'RE AN OIL BARREN, BUT WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY DO?
  • >> SO, PERHAPS I WAS NOT CLEAR. LUCKILY, I BROUGHT A VISUAL AID
  • WHICH WILL ILLUMINATE THE INS AND OUTS OF THE OIL INDUSTRY.
  • ♪♪♪ >> OH.
  • >> THIS DEAD BIRD REPRESENTS THOSE WHO WILL WISH YOU ILL.
  • ONCE PROUD, FLYING HIGH ABOVE THE EARTH IN BLOODY DEFIANCE OF
  • HER 50 GIFTS AND NOW YOU WILL THROW HER DOWN, NOCED AND
  • DEFEATED. >> OWW.
  • >> LOOK. I MARRIED YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER,
  • FILLED HER BELLY WITH MY FESTERING SEED AND SIRED A BOY.
  • HE IS MY FATEFUL REVENGE, H.R. >> DAD, COME ON.
  • >> I WANT TO BE YOU WHEN I GROW UP.
  • >> AND SO, YOU SHALL. NOW, CHILDREN.
  • I WAS ASKED TO BRING A HEALTHY SNACK, SO JOIN ME IN THE HALL
  • FOR SWINE LIVERS AND CAPRI SUNS. >> ALL RIGHT, KIDS.
  • GO OUT AND EAT THOSE PIG GUTS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
  • ♪♪♪

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Description

Mordecai's (Pete Davidson) extremely old father, Abraham H. Parnassus, (Adam Driver) stops by his school's career day to talk about his work as an oil man.

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