Breaking Up

4M+ views   |   190K+ likes   |   4K+ dislikes   |  
09:05   |   Dec 15, 2018


Breaking Up
Breaking Up thumb Breaking Up thumb Breaking Up thumb


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  • *the aftermath of too much maple syrup*
  • Is it just me or has it been breakup season lately?
  • Ew.
  • There never really seems to be a good time to break up.
  • You're probably in the middle of deciding on when to break things off right now.
  • But something's delaying it, whether it's a concert you two planned on going to for a while, but it would be too much trouble to resell the tickets,
  • or you're being considerate and waiting until exams are over so it won't affect their studies,
  • But the reality is there's never a good time.
  • It's not some 9 a.m. appointment you can schedule next month.
  • You do it soon or you do it later...
  • ...and the longer you wait, the harder it gets to do it.
  • I consider one of the poorest ways of breaking up is acting like an asshole
  • so you force them to break up with you instead
  • because you're too much of a coward to get your hands a little dirty.
  • You manipulate the situation so that you become the dumpee instead;
  • you become the victim making them the villain.
  • What this does is it allows you to gain the sympathy of others who don't fully know the story from both perspectives
  • or true reasoning of the break-up... and that sympathy helps you justify this ugly method of ending a relationship.
  • ...and that sympathy helps you justify this ugly method of ending a relationship.
  • This is how grudges are born man.
  • So, how do you do it? How do you just tell someone?
  • "Yeah, you know what Cindy? I don't think I want to do this anymore."
  • I mean you could..
  • Best-case scenario is they mutually agree with you and it's a clean transaction you both admit. You don't see things eye-to-eye,
  • you don't have the same sense of humor, her father's racist, or you're just staying together for the sake of being in a relationship,
  • and not because you're actually in love with each other.
  • But let's say you two aren't on the same page.
  • It's way more difficult to convince the other party to comply with your decision
  • While my past video "You Should Probably Break Up" focused on the red flags in a relationship
  • I want to talk more about the inevitability of some relationships ending.
  • These are the couples whose red flags they chose to ignore in the beginning
  • or partners who've just matured separately and have become different people.
  • Proving to be incompatible with each other.
  • Things aren't always in our control and that holds true for people's mindsets when being in a relationship.
  • Most people don't really plan ahead when starting their commitment to a person,
  • they don't usually decide right away that yes this person right here
  • will be my fully committed partner for all eternity
  • including future incarnations.
  • No, you kind of just date people to discover what kind of people you're compatible with,
  • and when you find out you're not
  • What's the solution?
  • ʸᵒᵘ ᵇʳᵉᵃᵏ ᵘᵖ
  • A lot of people who have fallen out of love and remain in their relationships choose to stay because to put it simply:
  • it's comfy!
  • There isn't really a catalyst for a breakup, no one cheated on anyone,
  • it's just been a slow burn over the years about little things that added up.
  • But you've invested all this time into each other's lives that it's just too much trouble to cut ties and deal with the aftermath.
  • You live with each other so how do you decide who moves out, who keeps the dog
  • so how do you decide who moves out,
  • who keeps the dog
  • your friends and family have known you two to be inseparable,
  • so it seems beyond impossible to imagine you two breaking up.
  • It's just so much pressure
  • It seems like a lot of work,
  • but know that it's even more work to maintain a disingenuous relationship
  • Best-case scenario, you can stay friends.
  • You just got to convince the next person you're dating that you're still living with your ex and they have nothing to worry about.
  • If you're gonna break things off with someone do their next partner a favor
  • by doing your ex a favor and be clear about the reasons why you're breaking up with them.
  • Just because you're done with them doesn't mean the world is.
  • All relationships are learning experiences
  • and it's so common for exes to emotionally scar each other so deeply that they're incapable of opening their doors to anyone new.
  • Sometimes it can be really difficult to have a blank slate with new relationships,
  • I get it and old habits tend to carry over from the previous.
  • But if we're supposed to learn from our mistakes, then we deserve to know what they are,
  • even if we don't initially agree with them you guys remember my fourth breakup story about how we ended really abruptly
  • when I was convinced that everything was good and dandy...
  • ...but they weren't.
  • The breakup came out of nowhere.
  • There was no discussion about it,
  • her decision was made and I had no choice but to respect it and so my self-esteem plummeted.
  • I tried to appear okay on the outside, but I was really broken inside.
  • I had this looming cloud of sadness for my whole final year of university.
  • It was so distracting that I almost hope that she just admitted to cheating on me because I was convinced
  • that it's much easier to move on from someone when you hate them, but I didn't get an explanation.
  • I was left wondering and didn't get closure - So
  • I didn't know how to feel towards her and how to move on kind of like if you're watching a movie and just cut
  • It Midway you really don't know how to feel about the movie because you didn't get the conclusion and you're left with unanswered questions.
  • Was it a good movie? I don't know.
  • Was it a good relationship? I don't know!
  • Better late than never Karen or whatever name I gave her in the story
  • actually contacted me years later.
  • Years after I made the video.
  • It obviously caught me off guard, but I tried to handle the conversation maturely.
  • She apologized for what she put me through and admitted that the break-up was handled very poorly.
  • She was young and didn't know what to do at the time
  • We talked for a bit and I finally got my explanation. I got my closure
  • I really didn't care too much about the details of the explanation,
  • I already spent years after the breakup theorizing what it could be that it wasn't all that surprising
  • I just really respected her maturity and approaching me about her situation.
  • Something that was way in the past and kind of unnecessary for her to do because of the time that's passed.
  • I wanted to hear it directly from her instead of from my thoughts, and I greatly appreciate that she did.
  • No, we're not friends again
  • She made it clear that the purpose of the conversation was simply to give me the explanation that I deserved.
  • It wasn't a rekindling of a friendship and weirdly enough
  • I was okay with it.
  • Not at first, but it made sense to me afterwards.
  • We became strangers again and it wasn't sad.
  • The common problem with most failed relationships is that
  • both parties usually have no idea what they're getting themselves into.
  • They have a raging amount of passion going into it and they expect the relationship to match their...fantasies...
  • ...and they handle it poorly when it doesn't.
  • The majority of us aren't lucky enough to find our soulmate right away on the first try.
  • The majority of us have
  • exes!
  • ...some more than others-
  • *coughs*
  • And the fact that exes exist means that most relationships fail.
  • Oh, man, that's a sad fact.
  • And a lot of us have definitely not been properly equipped to maturely handle breakups when we were young.
  • I'm not saying to be ready for a breakup when getting into a relationship.
  • That's uh, that's kind of messed up.
  • It's kind of pessimistic.
  • Just try to develop the empathy and a level head for dealing with problems when they arise.
  • It's real easy to make decisions fueled by emotion and it's very often that they lead to undesired outcomes.
  • I like to think that if you use
  • Emotions as fuel it's kind of like driving a car that you can't steer.
  • Oha ha ha,
  • good luck with that....
  • No one likes going through a breakup, but it's something we all got to learn how to deal with.
  • Thank you for listening to my PSA, I'm sorry if your partner breaks up with you later tonight.
  • hU- Big thanks to Nord VPN for being a sponsor of the channel.
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  • Subtitles: Mystic Yandel, improved by ps3aciv and SirZP

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