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Black Jeopardy with Tom Hanks - SNL

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06:39   |   Oct 23, 2016

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Black Jeopardy with Tom Hanks - SNL
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Transcription

  • >>> THIS IS "BLACK JEOPARDY." >> WHAT UP?
  • WHAT UP, WHAT UP, WHAT UP? WELCOME TO "BLACK JEOPARDY," THE
  • ONLY TV GAME SHOW WHERE THE AUDIENCE IS IN CHURCH CLOTHES.
  • I'M YOUR HOST DARNELL HAYES. OUR CONTESTANTS TODAY ARE KEELY.
  • >> HEY. >> SHANIECE.
  • >> OKAY, NOW. >> AND DOUG.
  • [ LAUGHTER ] >> HOW ARE YOU DOING, SIR?
  • >> OH, MAN. DOUG, YOU SURE YOU READY TO PLAY
  • "BLACK JEOPARDY"? >> THEY TOLD ME A FELLA COULD
  • WIN SOME MONEY, SO LET'S WIN ME SOME MONEY, GIT HER DONE.
  • >> I ADMIRE YOUR CONFIDENCE. LET'S SEE OUR CATEGORIES.
  • WE GOT "BIG GIRLS." [ LAUGHTER ]
  • "HMM, I DON'T KNOW." "YOU BETTER."
  • "I'M GONNA PRAY ON THIS." "THEY OUT HERE SAYING."
  • AND AS ALWAYS, "WHITE PEOPLE." [ LAUGHTER ]
  • KEELY, YOU ARE OUR RETURNING CHAMP, YOU PICK.
  • >> OKAY, LET'S DO "YOU BETTER" FOR $200.
  • >> OKAY, THE ANSWER THERE, "YOU NEED HOT SAUCE, DUCK SAUCE, SOY
  • SAUCE, AND SAFETY PINS." KEELLY.
  • >> WHAT IS YOU BETTER TAKE YOUR ASS TO THE KITCHEN AND LOOK IN
  • THE PACKET DRAWER. >> YEAH.
  • YEAH, THE PACKET DRAWER, YEAH. YEAH, EVERY KITCHEN HAS GOT ONE.
  • >> OKAY, LET'S STAY WITH "YOU BETTER" FOR $400.
  • >> OKAY, THE ANSWER, "YOUR JOB WANTS TO TAKE $40 OUT OF YOUR
  • CHECK FOR A 401(k)." SHANIECE?
  • >> WHAT IS, YOU BETTER GIVE ME THAT MONEY SO I CAN GET ME SOME
  • SCRATCH-OFFS? >> YOU DAMN RIGHT.
  • I MEAN, WHY I NEED A RETIREMENT PLAN WHEN I GOT MONOPOLY
  • MILLIONAIRES CLUB. >> I PLAY THAT EVERY WEEK.
  • >> THAT'S GOOD FOR YOU. OKAY.
  • THE BOARD IS YOURS, SHANIECE. >> LET'S GO WITH "THEY OUT THERE
  • SAYING" FOR $200. >> OKAY, THEY OUT HERE SAYING
  • THE NEW iPHONE WANTS YOUR THUMB PRINT FOR YOUR PROTECTION.
  • OH, OKAY, THEN, DOUG. >> WHAT IS, I DON'T THINK SO,
  • THAT'S HOW THEY GET YOU. >> YES, THAT'S IT.
  • [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] THAT'S IT!
  • >> I DON'T TRUST THAT. >> ME EITHER.
  • >> NO, I READ THAT GOES STRAIGHT TO THE GOVERNMENT.
  • >> WELL, THAT'S NOT BAD, DOUG. [ LAUGHTER ]
  • THE BOARD IS YOURS. >> LET'S GO OVER TO "I DON'T
  • KNOW," FOR $400. >> OKAY, THE ANSWER, HE SAYS HIS
  • DOG DOESN'T BITE. SHANIECE.
  • >> WHAT IS, HM, I DON'T KNOW, HE GOT TEETH, DON'T HE?
  • >> YEAH, THAT'S IT. ANYTHING.
  • [ LAUGHTER ] ANYTHING WITH TEET.
  • >> LET'S STICK WITH "HM, I DON'T KNOW," FOR $600.
  • >> OKAY. CAITLYN JENNER SAYS SHE BELONGS
  • ON THE COVER OF "ESSENCE" MAGAZINE.
  • KEELY. >> WHAT IS, HMM, I DON'T KNOW,
  • YOU CAN'T DO EVERYTHING. >> YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
  • THERE WAS A TIME. >> ABSOLUTELY.
  • >> REMEMBER, THERE WAS A TIME. >> OH, YEAH, I REMEMBER, YEAH,
  • >> OKAY. [ LAUGHTER ]
  • >> OKAY. LET'S GO TO "THEY OUT HERE
  • SAYING" FOR $800. >> ALL RIGHT, THE ANSWER, THEY
  • OUT HERE SAYING THAT EVERY VOTE COUNTS.
  • OH, DOUG AGAIN. >> WHAT IS, COME ON, THEY
  • ALREADY DECIDED WHO WINS EVEN BEFORE IT HAPPENS.
  • >> YES, YES! [ LAUGHTER ]
  • THE ILLUMINATI FIGURED THAT OUT MONTHS AGO.
  • THAT'S ANOTHER ONE FOR DOUG. >> OKAY, WE'RE DOING IT.
  • LET'S TRY, "THEY OUT HERE SAYING" FOR $600.
  • >> OKAY. THEY OUT HERE SAYING, THIS MOVIE
  • DOESN'T DESERVE AN OSCAR. KEELY.
  • >> WHAT IS "TYLER PERRY'S BOO! A MADEA HALLOWEEN."
  • >> ABSOLUTELY. ABSOLUTELY, YOU KNOW.
  • WHEN THAT MAN PUTS ON THAT MUMU I'M JUST TRANSPORTED.
  • [ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU KNOW, I GOT TO TELL YOU,
  • I LOVE THOSE MOVIES. I BOUGHT A BOX SET AT WALMART,
  • AND IF I CAN LAUGH AND PRAY IN 90 MINUTES, THAT IS MONEY WELL
  • SPENT. >> WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
  • I LIKE YOU SAYING THAT. NO, NO -- IT'S ALL GOOD.
  • IT'S ALL GOOD. IT'S ALL GOOD.
  • IT'S ALL GOOD. [ LAUGHTER ]
  • >> OKAY. KEELY.
  • IT'S YOUR PICK. >>LET'S GO TO "YOU BETTER" FOR
  • $600. >> OKAY, THE ANSWER, THE
  • MECHANIC SAYS YOU OWE $250 FOR NEW BRAKE LINES.
  • DOUG. >> WHAT IS, YOU BETTER GO TO THE
  • DUDE IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD THAT WILL FIX THINKING FOR $40.
  • >> OH, YOU KNOW CECIL? >> YEAH, YEAH.
  • MY CECIL'S NAME IS JIM AND HE FIXED MY REFRIGERATOR, MY AIR
  • CONDITIONER AND MY CAT. >> YEAH, EVERYBODY'S GOT A GUY.
  • YOU ALL RIGHT, DOUG. [ LAUGHTER ]
  • LET'S TAKE A MOMENT AND HEAR ABOUT TODAY'S PRIZES.
  • JOHNNY? >> THANKS, DARNELL.
  • TODAY'S "BLACK JEOPARDY" WINNER WILL RECEIVE THE GOOD CHAIR.
  • GRANDDADDY NEEDS SOMEWHERE TO SIT.
  • GIVE HIM THE GOOD CHAIR. AND CAR TAPE.
  • THE BEST TAPE FOR FIXING YOUR CAR.
  • CAR TAPE. BACK TO YOU, DARNELL.
  • >> DOUG, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON BUT THE BOARD IS YOURS.
  • >> WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH, DARNELL.
  • YOU PEOPLE ARE FUN. CAN I SAY THAT?
  • THAT OKAY? CAN I SAY THAT?
  • >> WE'LL GIVE YOU A PASS THIS TIME.
  • [ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY, LET'S GO TO "BIG GIRLS"
  • FOR $200. >> OKAY.
  • THE ANSWER THERE, SKINNY WOMEN CAN DO THIS FOR YOU.
  • DOUG? >> WHAT IS, NOT A DAMN THING.
  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT.
  • YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT. >> YES!
  • >> MY WIFE -- MY WIFE'S A STURDY WOMAN.
  • >> THAT IS MY MAN RIGHT THERE. >> OKAY.
  • >> GO DOUG, GO DOUG, GO DOUG -- [ KNOCKING ]
  • >> OH, THE SOUND OF THE BROOM HITTING THE CEILING BELOW US
  • MEANS THE PARTY HAS TO STOP. DOUG.
  • I GOT TO SAY, IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE.
  • >> WELL, THAT IS RIGHT BACK AT YOU, MY BROTHER.
  • >> ALL RIGHT, WELL, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT OUR "FINAL JEOPARDY"
  • CATEGORY. "LIVES THAT MATTER."
  • [ AUDIENCE OOHS ] [ LAUGHTER ]
  • WELL, IT WAS GOOD WHILE IT LASTED, DOUG.
  • [ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU KNOW, I'VE ACTUALLY GOT A
  • LOT TO SAY ABOUT THIS -- >> YEAH I'M SURE YOU DO.
  • WHEN WE COME BACK, WE GONNA PLAY THE NATIONAL ANTHEM JUST TO SEE
  • WHAT THE HELL HAPPENS. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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Description

Contestants Keeley (Sasheer Zamata), Shanice (Leslie Jones) and Doug (Tom Hanks) compete on Black Jeopardy, hosted by Darnell Hayes (Kenan Thompson).

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