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Bachelor Auction - SNL

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04:59   |   Dec 02, 2017

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Bachelor Auction - SNL
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  • >>> GOING ONCE, GOING TWICE. SOLE FOR A WHOPPING $1,600.
  • CONGRATULATIONS TO THIS LOVELY YOUNG LADY AT TABLE SIX.
  • YOU HAVE WON BREAKFAST AND A PRIVATE TENNIS LESSON WITH OUR
  • HEAD INSTRUCTOR BRANDON. >> HEADS UP, I'M GOING TO MAKE
  • YOU SWEAT. >> AT BREAKFAST?
  • >> NO. THE TENNIS LESSON.
  • >> OKAY, YOU TWO SEE DANA TO SET THAT DATE.
  • $1600 IS OUR BIGGEST TAKE SO FAR IN OUR BACHELOR AUCTION.
  • REMEMBER, ALL PROCEEDS FROM TONIGHT GO TO OUR CLUB'S YOUTH
  • TRAVELING TEAM. SO PLEASE, KEEP GIVING
  • GENEROUSLY. OUR NEXT TENNIS CLUB BACHELOR
  • WORKS AT THE PRO SHOP. IT'S CHAD.
  • YOU MAY KNOW CHAD FROM VAPING IN THE PARKING LOT.
  • YOU ARE BIDDING ON LUNCH WITH CHAD.
  • >> OKAY. >> FANTASTIC.
  • LET'S START IT OUT AT 50 BIG ONES.
  • >> SOMETHING ABOUT THAT VOICE. ALL RIGHT, CHAD HELP US OUT
  • HERE. WHY DON'T YOU SELL YOURSELF FOR
  • THE LADIES. GOT ANY FUN TALENTS?
  • >> I -- I MADE UP A DANCE CALLED "THE DOINK DOINK."
  • >> ALL RIGHT. LET'S SEE THE DOINK DOINK.
  • >> OKAY. >> DOINK DOINK.
  • DOINK DOINK. DOINK DOINK DOINK DOINK DOINK.
  • BOOP. >> OH, MY GOSH.
  • THAT'S INCREDIBLE. >> YES, WE HAVE EYES SYLVIA.
  • $100. >> $500.
  • >> $1,000. >> $2,000.
  • >> DOINK, DOINK, DOINK, DOINK, DOINK DOINK DOINK.
  • >> $5,000. >> TYPICAL CECIL, JUMP IN WHEN
  • THE ACTIONS HOT. >> $10,000 AND I'LL RAISE MYSELF
  • TO 15. I MUST HAVE THE DOINK DOINK.
  • >> GO HOME, LADIES. $30,000!
  • >> $50,000. AND THAT'S A BARGAIN.
  • AND I AM WILLING TO GO TO SIX FIGURES.
  • BUT I NEED MORE. WHAT ELSE DOES CHAD BRING TO THE
  • TABLE? >> CHAD ANY OTHER HIDDEN
  • TALENTS? >> I CAN DO AN IMPRESSION OF JIM
  • CAREY AS THE GRINCH. >> OH, JESUS CHRIST, THIS PLACE
  • IS GOING TO EXPLODE. >> $100,000.
  • I DON'T EVEN NEED TO HEAR IT. >> WHAT IF IT'S NOT GOOD.
  • >> OF COURSE IT WILL BE GOOD. IT'S CHAD, YOU COW.
  • >> SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU. LET CHAD WORK.
  • >> OKAY. THIS IS WHEN HE'S TALKING TO THE
  • DOG. "TOMORROW'S CHRISTMAS, IT'S
  • PRACTICALLY HERE!" >> $500,000!
  • >> $600,000. THAT SOUNDED EXACTLY LIKE THE
  • GRINCH. >> $700,000, AND I DIDN'T EVEN
  • SEE THE GRINCH. >> I FEEL LIKE I'M IN THE UPSIDE
  • DOWN RIGHT NOW. CHAD'S GRINCH IMPRESSION TOOK TO
  • US 700 GRAND. ANYTHING ELSE YOU'RE HIDING FROM
  • US? >> I CAN DO A MAGIC TRICK.
  • >> IT'S POINTLESS, LADIES, THERE IS A REASON YOU ALL CALL ME
  • RICHIE BITCH BEHIND MY BACK. I GET WHAT I WANT.
  • >> QUIET PIG, LOOK. >> BOING, BOING, BOING, BOING,
  • BOING, BOING, BOING. BOING, BOING, BOING.
  • >> $10 MILLION! >> $10 MILLION.
  • GOING ONCE, TWICE, SOLD TO THE MYSTERY MAN IN THE FUN COAT.
  • WHO ARE YOU, SIR? >> IT DOESN'T MATTER.
  • WHAT MATTERS IS THE LUNCH WITH CHAD IS MINE!
  • HAVE THE BOY CLEANED AND TAKEN TO MYELOGENOUS.
  • >> SOUNDS KIND OF CREEPY. ARE YOU COOL WITH THAT, CHAD?
  • >> OKAY. >> CHAD'S COOL WITH IT.
  • BIG HAND FOR CHAD. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
  • ALL RIGHT, ONTO OUR BIG TICKET ITEM.
  • WE PULLED A LOT OF STRINGS TO GET HIM HERE.
  • GET YOUR CHECKBOOKS OUT, LADIES. READY FOR OUR NEXT BACHELOR,
  • TENNIS LEGEND, MR. JOHN McENROE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
  • TELL US, WHAT ARE THEY BIDDING ON MR. McENROE.
  • >> ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, WHAT I'M OFFERING IS A WEEKEND STAY AT MY
  • ESTATE, AKA, THE MACK SHACK. IT INCLUDES A THREE-HOUR TENNIS
  • LESSON FROM YOURS TRULY, A MIXED DOUBLES MATCH WITH ANDRE AGASSI
  • AND STEFFI GRAF, AND OF COURSE UNLIMITED SELFIES WITH ME,
  • JOHN McENROE, THE BAD BOY OF TENNIS.
  • >> WOW. WOW, LADIES, THE BAD BOY OF
  • TENNIS. START THAT BIDDING.
  • >> WHAT? YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
  • I'M JOHN McENROE, MAN! WHAT DO YOU LADIES WANT?
  • YOU CAN BRING CHAD ALONG. IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?
  • DOINK, DOINK, DOINK, DOINK, DOINK, DOINK.
  • >> $20 MILLION. >> NOW THAT IS MORE LIKE IT.
  • >> SOLD. $20 MILLION.
  • [ APPLAUSE ]

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Description

Bidders (Saoirse Ronan, Cecily Strong, Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones, Aidy Bryant) go crazy after Chad (Pete Davidson) shows off some hidden talents.

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