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Alright Fine, I'll Talk About Tik Tok

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16:22   |   Mar 26, 2019

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Alright Fine, I'll Talk About Tik Tok
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  • Hey guy and welcome back to the channel. I have a mosquito bite on my forehead and that's pretty cool.
  • Well, everyone it finally happened after months of anticipation and build-up and uncertainty as to whether or not it actually would happen
  • I'm proud to say that I am finally
  • Making a video about Tik Tok and I'm married - oh, hold on. Actually, that's uh, that's the wrong picture
  • Yeah, there is.
  • I know it sounds super cliché, but it really was one of the best days of my life
  • and I'm so
  • grateful that so many my friends got to be there and I'm so lucky that I get to call Amanda my wife, and
  • for it to not be a lie because I was already calling her my wife. Which is why
  • probably a lot of you probably thought we were already married.
  • But we weren't, I just said wife cos fiancée is a stupid word...
  • But anyway, you don't want to hear about my wedding.
  • Why am I even talking about it? If you want to see pictures, you can go look on Instagram.
  • I'm crying in one of them like a big old baby, but we're not gonna be talking about my wedding today.
  • We're gonna be talking about some Tik Tok cringe.
  • Like this!
  • *oh god this music*
  • *edgelord protecc his e-girlfriend*
  • What even is this app?!
  • Up until recently, I felt like I didn't really have enough to say about
  • Tik Tok to warrant, like, a whole video, cuz you know everyone makes videos about Tik Tok now,
  • and I didn't want to just make it just to get views.
  • Instead I waited until no one cares about Tik Tok anymore...
  • ...to not get views? Why did I do that?
  • But it's gotten to the point now that I've seen so much ~jUiCY~ content on there
  • just begging to be made fun of
  • that as a YouTube commentator, it would simply be irresponsible of me to ignore it.
  • So I'm not going to any longer.
  • Today, we're going to be talking about some of the weirdest shit I've seen on Tik Tok.
  • *cue intro...oh wait*
  • All my ladies out there, get ready cos this one's for you. You might have seen this one on Twitter:
  • it's from the ice cream man.
  • (Today's International Women's Day, so this ice cream is for all those beautiful ladies out there.)
  • I already like this guy. This was for International Women's Day and he's gonna celebrate by making ice cream...
  • ...for the Internet. (;¬_¬)
  • (Ooh yeah.)
  • wOoOW he's got tricks!
  • Mmm ice cream...
  • (Ice cream makes you sexy, guuyys!)
  • "Ice cream makes you sexy guyyys--I mean giRLs--
  • This one's for all the ladies out there. It's International Women's Day after all."
  • (Yeahh!)
  • I'm so jealous of all the girls out there who get to eat this ice cream, cuz it looks so goood. >.<
  • I kind of wish he would, maybe, break eye contact for a second though and just like, look down.
  • I feel like he can see through my clothes, and I don't like that.
  • You know those paintings you see where, like, the eyes follow you everywhere you go?
  • I feel like if one of them came to life and was very horny, it would be him.
  • Stop... looking at me, I don't like this!
  • How is no one around him not...
  • bursting out laughing? Like, I love how nonchalant the girl behind him is. She's not even surprised
  • he's doing it, presumably because this is just how he is all the time.
  • Ice cream. (Yeahh!) If that dude is this horny while making ice cream at his job,
  • imagine, like, going on a date with him.
  • (Australian) You know, if it was up to me, every day would be International Women's Day.
  • (Drew) Okay. (Australian) I know it might sound crazy,
  • but I think women should be allowed to vote, too. (Drew) Women have been able to vote for like, a
  • hundred years. (Australian) Well then, it shouldn't change now. (Drew) It wasn't going to. (Australian) Waiter, where's our cream!
  • (Drew) We haven't even ordered anything yet! (Australian) Ice cream makes you sexy.
  • (Drew) Where did you get those spoons? (Australian) Out me bum.
  • I thought for sure that the ice cream man was the most desperate guy I've ever seen in my entire life.
  • But then, I found this other guy in Tik Tok named Drage Kamerman, and poor Drage over here,
  • I actually kind of feel bad for him.
  • He is just dying to get a kiss, and it seems like no one wants to give it to him.
  • I'm here with my good friend Cassie. She said that she's, um, been working on her arm, and strength, and stuff like that.
  • So, she said she can outthrow me with a football.
  • I said I could outthrow her, and if she can't outthrow me then I get a kiss on the lips,
  • so, that's pretty dope. You all remember your first kiss, right? That you earned by winning a skill competition? Classic kiss story.
  • Oh no, you lost. Okay, so Cassie surprised me one day when I (unintelligible)
  • Okay, if this video gets
  • 15,000 likes, Cassie said she'll kiss me on the lips, in the next video, ok?
  • Oh, he's gonna get a second chance! If the video gets 15,000 likes, she'll kiss him on the mouth.
  • If it gets 15k.
  • This video has a hundred and fifty thousand likes, more than ten times what his goal was,
  • so I'm excited to go on his page now and see that kiss that he promised us. The video right after that
  • is... a hug. This one, he's just kind of sliding under her, so that's not really a kiss.
  • I'm right here. I'm watching your video. Here's an older one, though,
  • where it looks like he gets kissed by four girls.
  • I'm going to try to attempt to drink four water bottles in less than 20 seconds, or 30 seconds, or whenever I finish them.
  • But if I do it, I get a kiss from each girl.
  • Please, as long as I drink these four water bottles in 20 seconds, or 30 seconds, or however long it takes to drink them? Seems
  • like a bit of a loophole there,
  • but let's just see if he can drink all these water bottles cuz I don't think he can.
  • What the fuck! Agh, it's like coming out of his eyes!
  • Wait, what did I just watch? Well, that's great though,
  • he got four hot girls to kiss him on the cheek. And all he had to do was almost die.
  • I'm going to throw up.
  • But, he still hasn't gotten kissed on the lips, and that, to me, is the only kiss that really counts.
  • I'm gonna try one more video, if he doesn't kiss her in this one, I'm just gonna move on.
  • Let's break this down. So he gets to her door, they're about to smooch. Then he farts,
  • so she slaps him in the face, cuz that's what you do when someone farts. Storms inside her apartment. But, hold on,
  • that wasn't a fart.
  • It was actually: he owns the apartment directly next to hers, and he stores his one thousand whoopee cushions there, and
  • they all farted.
  • They- Wha- Did someone sit on one? They're in the other room. That does seem like the worst way to end a date,
  • good call Drage. "Drew!" This next one, I want to talk about doesn't get kissed, but she does get pretty pissed,
  • at people wearing glasses?
  • Here's (tap tap tap)
  • The motherf*cking (tap) tea
  • So I wear glasses, right, but the other day I saw my friend just recently starting to wear glasses. So I asked her are you near-sighted or farsighted?
  • But then the weirdest thing is she tells me, "Oh, I don't actually need glasses
  • I just feel like wearing them." And my first thought is, "Are you freaking kidding me?"
  • I need glasses to see I need glasses for eyesight. Drew:This video annoyed the hell out of me
  • But what annoys me even more is that it has seven hundred thousand likes. 700,000 people were like, ha, yes
  • Agree, fuck people who wear glasses and don't need them. And that's bullshit cuz classes are such a cool accessory
  • Oh
  • So now all of a sudden I have to "need glasses" in order to be able to wear them screw you dude
  • This looks awesome on me. And what just cuz it's not prescription, I can't do this? What are you the fashion police?
  • I don't think so cuz you don't even have a badge.
  • Glasses are not an accessory!
  • Why does it matter?
  • She says it's her friend. Girl: I saw my friend. Are you fricking kidding me? If she's your friend
  • You should be supportive of her style choices. Maybe she just likes the way she looks in them
  • You don't have to go on Tik Tok where you have 400,000 followers and make fun of your friend
  • Also, you're not even wearing your glasses. They're on your forehead. Girl: I need glasses to see.
  • So after going on this enormously viral rant that was inspired by her friend wearing a piece of plastic on her face
  • She follows it up with like a clarification video where she just says y'all I was joking
  • You can do whatever you want. Girl: Okay, we need to chat
  • I'm not hating on anybody who wears glasses or doesn't wear glasses you are allowed to do whatever you would like
  • Glasses are not an accessory. It was a joke
  • You don't get to just say something and then be like well I was kidding
  • But what's the joke then? If you don't need glasses, but you wanna wear glasses
  • fucking do it
  • It's not like you're like rolling around in a wheelchair that you don't need because you thought it looked cool
  • That would be kind of shitty. Are you freaking kidding me?
  • The last tik-toker I wanted to tik talk about is the Gott family
  • (Music): If you can find the cure, I'll, I'll fix you with my love
  • Shout-out to Jay Cyrus for this one if you guys don't follow him on Instagram
  • He's a super funny dude, but also he posts the most obscure strange tik toks on his Instagram stories
  • And I think he's worth following even just for that, but a few days ago
  • I saw him post a couple of the tik toks from this family and I had to go on their page and watch all of
  • them cuz they're incredible. These are really unlike anything else
  • I've seen on tic toc and at their core they're like supposed to be, like, these good messages, like almost like PSAs for tik-tok
  • The execution is always so bad that they just end up being hilarious. You'll see what I'm talking about in a second
  • This one is called, "What happened?"
  • Alright kids I'm off for work, I love you guys
  • I love you!
  • (okay)
  • Aww, he pretended to die.
  • Mum, is this dad's car?
  • *Incomprehensible* please pick up your phone, I'm worried!
  • Go get the keys!
  • But I didn't tell him I loved him!
  • I get the idea. I get that
  • it's like, you should always tell your loved ones that you love them cuz you never know when you'll see them again
  • That's a good message.
  • But the execution here
  • Then the shot of a firetruck, not an ambulance, a firetruck
  • But since this is fake he had to like stand there and wait for an ambulance or a fire truck or anything to drive by
  • That was probably just the first one that did so it's like, "Well, close enough
  • I'm not gonna stand here for hours waiting for an ambulance to drive by with their sirens on." Then at the end the kid's just
  • like, on his phone. Guys, could you keep it down? And again, I understand the message
  • I understand the PSA they were trying to make but it just seems like
  • How this came to be was the dad one day was like bah guys
  • I love you and they just sat there and ignored him and he's like oh
  • I'll show you kids
  • it's also kind of like that running gag in Arrested Development where the parents always teach the lessons to the kids by having some really
  • elaborate situation where someone like loses an arm and then they're like, "And that's why you always
  • recycle."
  • That's why, you don't yell.
  • But the kids end up mortified forever, he's the real-life version of that
  • Alright, the message of this one is not quite as good. Guy: I got the fishing poles and everything, alright? We ready to go?
  • I'm playing video games *incomprehensible*
  • What do you want for supper?
  • Oh great, you messed me up, I don't have time for supper!
  • It's time to go to bed.
  • Don't tell me no. All right, give me the game. I got it. I'll meet you there. 100 bucks sounds good to me,
  • I just don't know what else to do. You hear that, kids? If you play video games
  • Your dad's gonna sell your xbox. Again, these all just feel like things that actually happened in their life
  • And-and this is his way of teaching lessons to his kids. Also a hundred bucks? For an Xbox One?
  • I'll buy it. And now it's just getting ridiculous.
  • Hey, dad's gonna be home, you wanna prank him?
  • Yeah!
  • (screams)
  • Dad!
  • Don't prank your dad or he might die. Is that the lesson?
  • Don't prank your dad or he'll die. This is too specific
  • Once again, the caption is "What do you think happened to dad?"
  • they wanted to prank their dad and then he fell and got hurt
  • And that's why you never
  • prank your dad. Dude: People are saying what about me on Instagram? Dad: Oh, hey there son. How's your day go?
  • *incomprehensible* feeling it, okay?
  • What is he saying?
  • *incomprehensible* not feeling it okay
  • He's not feeling it, okay?
  • *something* feeling it, okay?
  • That's how, I'm feeling it, okay? I don't know what--I don't know what he says. Dad: What on earth was he mad about?
  • Oh my...
  • Son, I saw what was on that computer and it wasn't very nice. I wanted to know if you wanted to go drive this *incomprehensible*
  • Ah, the son was getting cyber-bullied and so his dad taught him how to drive.
  • Do you think he got bullied for, uh
  • not driving with his dad? And so his dad was like, "I'll show them who's not driving with their dad." That's what I think
  • (shouting and music)
  • (more shouting and music)
  • Hey *incomprehensible* Yeah, you---
  • This one can't possibly have a positive message cuz it's just him shoving his son over and over again
  • "We have to stop this."
  • Karl.
  • This is why your kids don't tell you they love you cuz you bully them. This video also proves
  • There is a Shinedown song for literally every situation. There's two in particular that I think are really funny back-to-back
  • There is this one where he
  • pretends that he got fired, and then his house gets foreclosed, and now his family's homeless, and that's the whole thing.
  • And then if you think of this one as the sequel to that then it makes even less sense
  • I took the job.
  • No, you can't!
  • I had to! Our family needs-- Lady: What about us?!
  • *indistinct chatter* I took the job. *shouting*
  • I had to!
  • *camera clicking*
  • I took the job.
  • Dad, no! My selfies!
  • 'Cus I had to!!
  • Daddy no!!
  • Remember when we were homeless in the other one?
  • Nooo Daddy!
  • Excuse me, what is this? I thought you quit?!
  • Babe, I--ugh.
  • Hey dad--
  • It's not what it looks like, hey
  • You mean they're-- they're positive?
  • *little beep*
  • *long high-pitched beep*
  • (Drew thumps the table)
  • And that's why you don't smoke. I don't know man
  • I guess I would just take all this more seriously if he didn't also make tik toks like this.
  • (Music): I☝️just need some time 🕑
  • I'm trying💪to think straight 🧠
  • I just need ✊ a moment⬇️in my own space🌙😔
  • Ask me 🙋‍♂️how I'm doing I say okay.👌Yeah
  • Drew: My kids don't love me
  • That's why you always love your dad.
  • Alright, this is getting ridiculous, why is it so cold in here?
  • What the hell? The door's open? Well, that's not very safe
  • But you know what is safe? ExpressVPN. Do you guys like having your personal online data stolen by snoops and hackers?
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  • Uh huh? Ohhhh.
  • Oh, okay, yeah, I'll tell 'em. Um, okay, so I'm hearing that ExpressVPN doesn't actually work on your Juul...
  • So maybe just turn the Wi-Fi off.
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  • Thank you so much to ExpressVPN for sponsoring today's video and for having just enough talking points so that I didn't have to take off
  • my shirt.
  • I did take off my pants, but that's just because I wanted to.
  • I hope you guys enjoyed today's video,
  • Thank you so much for watching it. I'm back now,
  • I'm no longer getting married, because I already am married, and I don't have to do it again.
  • But now that I'm back I plan on uploading as consistently as possible
  • Whatever that means, I don't know. I'll try my best.
  • That's it, be sure to tune in next week, to see me tuning in next week, to see you guys turning in next week.
  • Bye.
  • Why should I have to "need glasses" just to be -- *mumbles*

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Go to https://expressvpn.com/drew, to take back your Internet privacy TODAY and find out how you can get 3 months free.

I couldn't hold it in anymore. I have too many thoughts about tik tok and today is the day I finally break my silence. Enjoy.

merch:
https://www.drewgoodenshop.com/

follow me:
twitter - https://www.twitter.com/drewisgooden
instagram - https://www.instagram.com/drewisgooden

more links:
intro song - /watch?v=LwYGexDdLDM
jcyrus on insta - https://instagram.com/j.cyrus?utm_source=ig_profile_share&igshid=137dvy83i09ba

ice cream makes you sexy!