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3 Easy Chip Dips - You Suck at Cooking (episode 86)

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00:00   |   Mar 12, 2019

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3 Easy Chip Dips - You Suck at Cooking (episode 86)
3 Easy Chip Dips - You Suck at Cooking (episode 86) thumb 3 Easy Chip Dips - You Suck at Cooking (episode 86) thumb 3 Easy Chip Dips - You Suck at Cooking (episode 86) thumb

Transcription

  • Do you remember,
  • A time when eating chips was pure?
  • When chips and dip were two of the top five things in life,
  • and eating them could make you lose your goddamn mind?
  • When eating chips and dip didn't come with an Archimedean calculation
  • of whether or not you could afford the calories?
  • It was just pure goodness.
  • Yeah, me neither.
  • The first thing to consider when making chip dip
  • Is which chips to use.
  • Right off the bat you want to avoid a weak smooth chip.
  • These chips are only for looking cool.
  • They're not for heavy lifting.
  • They're so fragile you can easily break this with your ha....
  • [Straining Noises]
  • [SMASHING CHIPS]
  • You're weak!
  • Use a strong chip that's been cooked inside a kettle.
  • Or a chip with a nano web of woven micro fiber strengthening lines.
  • And whatever you do, don't go using flimsy chips,
  • These are a dip's worst nightmare.
  • And until some pharmaceutical company steps up and does something--
  • [Romantic music]
  • Woah!
  • The next thing you want to ask yourself is, “What flavor of chips should I use?”
  • The answer is potato flavored
  • Also known as just salt
  • Also known as boring flavor
  • Also known as regular.
  • Do not use any irregularly flavored chips, which are just chips coated and dried dip.
  • It's just too many flavors and also get off my lawn.
  • The dip is the flavor, the chip is the disposable dip elevator.
  • [Whirring noises]
  • [Screaming]
  • Easy chip dip number one is only two ingredients,
  • One tub of sour cream and a packet of onion soup mix.
  • You can put in the whole packet
  • Or just taste it until you reach the ideal soup mix molecule dispersion density.
  • I like it a bit less strong, much like your biceps.
  • When I was younger and hated both onions and texture,
  • I would put the onion soup mix through a strainer,
  • so I'd only get the powder
  • making for a dip that's ultra smooth,
  • if you know what I mean.
  • I mean that the dip was really smooth.
  • [Crunch]
  • Damn. That's a good chip dip.
  • Easy chip dip number two is salt and vinegar dip.
  • Sure, you can buy chips with the salt and vinegar already on them
  • If you're A: lazy, or B: like salt and vinegar chips.
  • We're gonna take 1/2 cup Mayo,
  • 1/2 a cup of sour cream,
  • 2 tablespoons of balsamic vinegar,
  • (Oh look, balse vigato.)
  • 1 teaspoon of Dijon mustard
  • 1/2 a teaspoon of salt,
  • wangjangle that together with a fork.
  • This isn't a bowl of cereal, the fork is the right tool.
  • Then add in some pepper pepper pepper
  • This chip dip is really great
  • If you like the taste of contrasting colors blended together into visual harmony.
  • Or if you just like the taste of chip dip.
  • [Crunch]
  • Mmm, that's a damn good chip dip.
  • For easy chip dip number three
  • You want 1/2 cup sour cream,
  • 1/2 cup of mayo (not lyrical flip)
  • and 2 teaspoons of dried dill
  • Now just duct tape your hands to the counter so that you restrain yourself from eating it for around 20 minutes.
  • Until the dried dill has rehydrated and become fresh dill.
  • Then Hulk your way out of that.
  • And remember that dill is a weed, so you want to spray some really strong pesticide on this one before you eat it.
  • [Crunch]
  • Damn, that's a good chip dip.
  • While serving chips in a bowl is fine, serving dip in a bag is not.
  • But serving chips in a bag bowl is awesome.
  • Crack the corner of the bag to let some air out then turn it upside down.
  • If you're wondering why these aren't regular chips,
  • that's because I know when to break the rules.
  • Work the other side inward to create the bowl shape
  • Flip and open the first side then finish working it up until the chips are at the brim.
  • Don't forget to use some reflective tape to make a secret last few chips pocket.
  • To store your extra chips: fold the top of the bag down a few times, bend the ends in, and flip.
  • Now it may look like this technique holds the chips in really strongly but
  • You are correct. It does.
  • Now remember not to double-dip with communal chips.
  • If you think you might have double dippers in your midst,
  • when you whip up that dip,
  • Tape a pair of double dipping scissors with
  • good grip to the lips so they won't slip in the bacteria drenched tips, so the chips can be snipped real quick,
  • and add a thick rip resistant drip strip so you don't end up with a dip slick on your thick picnic stick.
  • Which shouldn't be lying around anyways, it's a picnic stick.
  • Not a covered stick.
  • For a truly bacteria free chip shift: use tweezers to swiftly dip, lift and stick without flicking the lips
  • Siiiiiiick.
  • ♫ Chip dip, it's not flip dip ♫
  • ♫ But if it went by really fast, then I'd probably call it blip dip ♫
  • ♫ Load your chip up too much, let it be a drip dip ♫
  • ♫ Spill it on the floor, be careful, Slip dip ♫
  • ♫ Chip dip, it's not lip dip ♫
  • ♫ When I pour it on a jack-knife, then it's well equipped dip ♫
  • ♫ In the top 10, Yeah that's hit dip ♫
  • ♫ Eat too many at once and you've got guilt trip dip ♫
  • ♫ Past the atmosphere, on a spaceship dip ♫
  • ♫ Chip dip slacking off? Here's a pink slip dip ♫
  • ♫ Floating in the water? Got some skinny dip dip ♫
  • ♫ Naturally adhesive that's a real good grip dip ♫
  • ♫ Chip dip, In a pinch dip ♫
  • ♫ If you want it partially used, then go to the dealership dip ♫
  • ♫ Brag about your awesome ego trip dip ♫
  • ♫ You're so very clever with your really quick quip dip ♫
  • ♫ Let's go find a ring fellowship dip ♫
  • ♫ Ask permission before sending dip pics ♫
  • ♫ Eat it in the country like a real good hick dip ♫
  • ♫ Turn it to 11 then it's time to let it rip dip ♫
  • [Guitar Solo]
  • [Crunch]
  • ♫ Let's roll, it's time for some Rick dip ♫
  • ♫ Didn't use the strainer gonna need a toothpick dip ♫
  • ♫ Ha my chips are gonna get a dropkick dip ♫
  • ♫ How does it work? Magnetic dip ♫
  • ♫ Chip dip, You're just chip dip ♫
  • ♫ You're chip dip, Just chip dip ♫
  • ♫ Oh chip dip. You're chip dip ♫
  • ♫ Yeah-ah ♫
  • [Whispering] ♫ Chip dip... ♫

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Description

One cool thing about dipping chips is how they taste.
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Making these chip dips may seem simple, but that's just because of the way they are: easy. I'm never sure if I'm using a colon properly, but I'm pretty sure I'm using my colon properly. Luckily it's one of those things that's on automatic pilot so it doesn't require much fuss or effort.

Onion Soup Dip
16oz or 500ml sour cream
1 packet onion soup mix
Combine them with good intentions then eat it

Salt and Vinegar Dip
½ cup mayo
½ cup sour cream
2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
1 teaspoon dijon mustard
½ teaspoon salt or a bit more
Combine them with bad intentions then eat it

Dill Dip
½ cup mayo
½ cup sour cream
2 teaspoons dried dill
Combine it with indifferent intentions
Tape hands to counter for 20 minutes until the dill becomes fresh
Eat it