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3 Creamy Popsicles - You Suck at Cooking (episode 90)

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00:00   |   Jun 11, 2019

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3 Creamy Popsicles - You Suck at Cooking (episode 90)
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Transcription

  • [robotic hand noises]
  • If you like popsicles and you like things that come in the shape of a popsicle...
  • ...then you'll *definitely* like popsicles.
  • ♪♫You suck at cooking♪♫ ♫♪Yeah, you totally suck♫♪
  • The first popsicle we're gonna make is the pineapplecocohoneynutsicle.
  • We're gonna take a coconut and we'll just...
  • [coconut rolling noises]
  • [THUD]
  • ...grab that can of coconut milk aaand get that into the blender.
  • You might be wondering why there's a separation...
  • ... between the thick coconut cream and the coconut water.
  • That's just because when the coconut's growing...
  • ...all of the less dense coconut water rises to the top...
  • ...while all of the dense coconut growth-hormone falls to the bottom.
  • Then we'll take a pineapple...
  • ...and we'll roll that out of the way so we can grab our can of pineapple chunks.
  • Aaand get all those chunks in there.
  • Then we'll add around 3 tablespoons of honey...
  • ....and a pinch of salt...
  • ...and a handful of shredded coconut.
  • Blend that until it's smooth...
  • ...then pour that into a measuring cup, so you can carefully pour that into your popsicle filling funnel.
  • And then fill up as many as you can.
  • Now we'll make jamberry blubesicles.
  • Which are great both as a percussive instrument as well as an edible drumstick.
  • We'll take another can of coconut milk...
  • ...add in a cup of blueberries and then we're gonna sweeten it.
  • Can you guess how?
  • Audience: Sugar!
  • YSAC: No. Good guess, though.
  • Audience: Molasses!
  • YSAC: No, that would taste really gross. Any--
  • Audience: A sweeter popsicle!
  • YSAC: *chuckles* No. I'll give you a hint.
  • It rhymes with "fuzberry ham".
  • Audience: Justfairy clam?
  • YSAC: *chuckles again* No.
  • It's raspberry jam, you dumbf**ks.
  • So we'll just carefully scrape off three tablespoons of jam...
  • ...add in a pinch of salt...
  • ...and squeeze a lemon.
  • [DANGEROUS WHIRRING]
  • Whoops!
  • Blenders typically work better with the blade inside them.
  • Blend it all up and fill your mold.
  • Our third popsicle is the chocomaplefudgsiclecocopopsiclepop.
  • We're gonna take another can of coconut milk.
  • We'll add in six tablespoons of cocoa powder.
  • Four tablespoons of maple syrup.
  • A teaspoon of vanilla extract...
  • ...which *reeeally* helps bring the flavor home.
  • And a pinch of salt.
  • Which also really brings the flavor home as it does with any food that contains flavor.
  • [slightly less dangerous whirring]
  • But if you don't have a blender...
  • ...you can shake this one in a mason jar with a tiny whisk.
  • This will be easy for you if you own a shake weight like I do...
  • ...cause you'll have that motion down pat.
  • You can also attach the mason jar to your shake weight...
  • ...and then just get your workout in while you're making your popsicle.
  • You want to keep that going until you've burnt the same amount of calories...
  • ...that are in the popsicle so that your popsicle is calorie neutral.
  • Let's try a different angle *heeeere*!
  • Only you can decide when you're done shaking the shake weight. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  • That's a personal decision.
  • Okay, I think we're pretty good there.
  • I *wouldn't* recommend using the 25 pounder for this.
  • I mean... I can.
  • But I *didn't* come here to *talk about* training.
  • And I *came here* to make popsicles.
  • No funnel. The adrenaline from the workout makes me take more risks.
  • Now we'll just pop those in the freezer for a few hours.
  • Now if making a popsicle with a classic stick and mold....
  • ...makes you feel like a sheep, don't worry.
  • There's lots of alternatives.
  • We've got the grip circle.
  • This is for clumsy people who need a better grip.
  • Or if you need a popsicle in a windstorm.
  • We've got the handsicle, because holding a hand is the most natural thing in the world.
  • Also for people who need to work on their intimacy issues.
  • We've got the christsicle.
  • Also the crisiscle.
  • This is the stickchopsticle.
  • If you want to have dessert and food at the same time.
  • The toothbrushsticle.
  • Keep that sugar off your teeth!
  • This is the community popsicle.
  • This is great if you go to a music festival by yourself...
  • ...and you want to quickly make five friends.
  • We have the off-the-chain-sicle...
  • ...which is great, if you're in a motorcycle gang.
  • You can make the tough guy popsicle.
  • Which is great if you're a tough guy...
  • ...and don't want to be caught dead holding a dainty popsicle stick.
  • It's also useful for fighting off a dude who tries to make fun of you for eating a popsicle.
  • [MANLY THUD]
  • Now it's finally time to take a bite of your popsicle.
  • Mmmmmm...
  • I mean in the end you can't argue with popsicles.
  • I mean, they don't have a mouth, they don't know how to talk...
  • ...they don't know how to think.
  • You'd end up just looking like a fool...
  • ...standing there...
  • ...yelling at a tasty treat that you could be eating instead...
  • ...while it melts all over your hand, you know.
  • ♪♫Oooh popsicle♪♫
  • ♪♫You can't stopsicle♪♫
  • ♪♫Eatin' up and licking all the drips and all the dropsicles♪♫
  • ♪♫Get into the pool and do a belly flopsicle♪♫
  • ♪♫Because you know♪♫
  • ♪♫It's always time to stop dropping popsicles♪♫
  • ♪♫Getting topsicle♪♫ ♪♫How much you wantsicle?♪♫
  • ♪♫Looks like I forgotsicle when I was at your shopsicle♪♫
  • ♪♫No matter the weather it always tastes so much better♪♫
  • ♪♫When I'm just whipping up a batch of tasty motherfloppin' popsicles♪♫
  • ♪♫I can eat popsicles sitting by the brook♪♫
  • ♪♫I can eat popsicles when I'm reading a book♪♫
  • Oh, yeah, I wrote a book.
  • It's out October 15th.
  • But you can pre-order it now wherever books are sold.
  • Or you can just check out the link below if you want.
  • ♪♫Oh my god. I've wrote a flippin' book.♪♫
  • ♪♫Oh my god, I hope you wanna take a look♪♫
  • [rockin' riffs fade out]
  • [kitties leave slowly]
  • [only the book remains]
  • [only the pain remains]

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Hey check out my book why don’t you: http://hyperurl.co/yousuckatcooking

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Oh popsicles, how fun.

PINEAPPLECOCOHONEYNUTSICLE
A can of coconut milk
A can of pineapple chunks with just the pineapple chunks
3 tablespoons of honey
A pinch of salt
A handful of shredded coconut
Blend, pour, freeze, eat, in that order, or just chug it before you freeze it.

JAMBERRY BLUBESICLE
A can of coconut milk
A cup of blueberries
3 tablespoons of raspberry jam
A squeeze of lemon
A pinch of salt
Blah blah blah you know what to do.

CHOCOMAPLEFUDGSICLECOCOPOPSICLEPOP
A can of coconut milk
6 tablespoons cocoa powder
4 tablespoons maple syrup
1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
A pinch of salt
And then do the things